Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Party Like It's 1989!!!

This weekend Colorado Beth and I will be attending a 36th birthday party for a friend we grew up with. Our friend's husband decided to make it an 80's extravaganza. CB and I are stoked. Any excuse to get all dressed up like we did in high school is a good one.

However, there is just a couple of problems. First, neither of us can figure out how in the hell we got our hair so BIG! I've been looking at old photos and for the life of me I can't remember the entire routine of how to tease my hair to the point that it stood a foot off of my head. (Which was good for me since I was/am pretty darn short.)

I've also been looking at photos and wondering-- what in the hell were we thinking?!?!? Blue eyeliner, pink stretch pants, and ballet flats??? (I know some of you remember those Sam & Libby shoes!) One trend I'm glad to see that has made a come back is skinny jeans (I recently bought a couple of pairs), freaking awesome is all I have to say. Wait. Rephrase that. Totally awesome dude!

Speaking of coming back, I also found out recently that Hot Topic is selling everything 80's these days. Colorado Beth stopped in and picked up a few items for her party outfit (she's channeling Cyndi Lauper) and she mentioned they had a ton of stuff straight out of our misspent youth. Well, it has almost been twenty years. I guess if you wait long enough, everything really does come back in fashion. Hollister has been selling ripped jeans for several years now. Those were a staple in the 80's. We all wanted to look like Joe Elliot.

As my contribution to the party, I was tapped to come up with a few drinks to be served during the evening. Here is what I came up with. Send me any suggestions you might have, we'd love to use them!

The “Talk Dirty To Me” (aka Dirty Martini)
You’ll be glad you picked this twist on the classic dirty martini as your POISON. They say EVERY ROSE HAS ITS THORN, but we can find anything wrong with this drink. Just don’t imbibe too much or you’ll end up looking like WHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN.

The “Bon Jovi” (aka Kamikaze)
This SHOT TO THE HEART does not GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME, in fact it’s so good that if you drink too many, you might think you’re LIVING ON A PRAYER in the morning.

The “Girl’s Just Want To Have Fun” (aka Cosmo)
This pink concoction lives up to its name and might even snag you a guy to have a little fun with. However, if you don’t find a partner in TIME AFTER TIME, you can SHE BOP your way on home and enjoy the pleasure of your own company.

The “Born In The USA” (aka Scotch and water)
This patriotic drink will have you DANCING IN THE DARK and reliving the GLORY DAYS of Guess Jeans and Reaganomics. So, belly up and drink one for the BOSS.

The “Leppard” (aka Lemon Drop Martini)
Hearken back to the days of the British Invasion of the eighties. LOVE BITES, but this drink is smooth and satisfying. WOMEN will beg you to POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME as you dazzle them in your ripped jeans and super hot mullet a la Joe Elliot and the boys.

The “Wang Chung”
This drink is whatever you want it to be because we never did figure out what the hell a WANG CHUNG was anyway.

Monday, December 1, 2008

The "No Fly Zone"


Recently a close friend of mine has been going through a pretty rough break up. In midst of the tears and late night chats, we decided to formulate a plan of no contact with her now ex boyfriend. (Which is much easier said than done since they work in the same office, but that's a post for a different time.)

In the spirit of trying to make things as uncomplicated as possible, she and I sat down and mapped out what I like to call the "no fly zones." These are those places the two of you used to frequent together, but might be too painful for a newly broken hearted person to traverse in his/her recently acquired single state. These are also places that you are quite likely to run into the ex with his/her new love interest. These areas make no contact with your former beloved quite difficult and should be avoided at all costs.

Establishing the no fly zone(s) can be as intricate as any military strategy thought up by brilliant generals in battle. Because if you think about it, a nasty break up can be very much like a battle. A battle for your very sanity and soul. You may have to change your driving route into work so you don't drive by his house or you might have to frequent a new coffee shop so you don't see him at the one the two of you used to patronize every morning.

But why should I have to give up the coffee shop? One might protest. Shouldn't he have to find a new place to get his java fix? I would agree that it is best when both parties can agree to the no fly zones and split them up accordingly, but when break ups are hasty and nasty, this doesn't always happen. Besides, as I asked my friend, do you really have to get your non fat, no foam, half caff, vanilla latte from that particular coffee shop? Can't you, for sanity's sake, go to a different place?


Inevidably, when establishing your no fly zones, the question of time limits always comes up. How long should one refrain from their favorite hangouts just to avaid the ex? I usually refrain from old haunts for at least six months. Truth be told, I still have one no fly zone that I avoid, even after being apart from my ex (Frat Boy) for over four years.

Frat Boy and I live in different subdivisions about two miles apart. In between our respective residences, are several new restaurants, a couple of nice coffee shops, and one large grocery store, where I used to shop before we broke up. I gave up the entire area, when we ended things. I knew if I continued to shop and dine there, I would eventually run into him with his new wife. I didn't exactly need that, so I stayed away. I still drive about a mile further in the opposite direction to a different grocery store and I don't patronize any of the restaurants etc. in that area, even though it is within walking distance of my house. Call me crazy, but it's made my life a lot easier. Especially since my ex has/had a terrible habit of getting hammered and showing up on my doorstep at three in the morning. I didn't want to be running into him trying to be friendly (but distant) so he wouldn't get the idea that it was okay to show up at my house unannounced because we were "friends." Since I still have no interest in inviting him back into my life, I continue to stay away so that I'm not running into him everytime I need toilet paper.

Some of my friends think it's a bit odd that I still don't go into that area to shop or hang out, but I consider it a small price to pay for my peace of mind. It's not like I'm missing out on a whole lot by not shopping at one grocery store. So, my question for you all is, what are your no fly zones? Do you have any? Do you still observe them long after a break up?

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

AWOL

Yes, I have been AWOL lately. I'm a bad, bad blogger. I admit it. And the crazy thing is, I don't really even have a good reason. Unless, of course you, count the fact I think my office is trying to kill me.

This is always a very busy time of the year for me. I have two large projects due in November and December every year. I'm always very careful to plan ahead and get things done as time permits. But, things never go as planned. This year, in the midst of endless budget reduction exercises, more and more projects kept being handed to me. I am exhausted every day when I leave.

The good thing is that I feel, even as we go through scenarios of eliminating positions, somewhat secure in my job. That is definitely something to be thankful for this year. I can't say too many people feel as I do right now. So, crazy busy is good, right?!?! At least that's what I keep telling myself.

But, no matter how crazy things still are, I promise to get it together and blog more. Besides, you people are way cheaper than therapy! :)

Have a happy holiday!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I Killed God Today

...well sort of. You see, what happened was really the cat's fault, but I'll let it slide cause she's cute. I had to open the sliding glass door in my bedroom to let the cat in from the balcony. And in with the cat flew a large palmetto bug. (For those of you not acquainted with palmetto bugs, they are big ass flying cockroaches.) The thing flew right at my face and damn near hit me in the head! I screamed, the cat yelped and we both ran.

The cat and I gingerly approached the bug in the corner of the room where he landed. Neither of us wanted to get too close. Even the All Mighty Great and Powerful Furball didn't want to tangle with the flying monstrosity that was climbing up the wall in my bedroom. Suddenly my Little Voice chimed in.

Little Voice: Okay, let's look at this from a metaphysical perspective. That's not really a big ass flying cockroach, that's just God pretending to be a big ass flying cockroach. (I often tell myself this about things that are frightening to me.)

Me: Looks like a big ass flying cockroach to me and I think the cat agrees. You're out numbered.

Little Voice: There is nothing to be afraid of. They don't even bite. Just usher him back out the door so he can live peacefully. Remember it's really just God....

Me: Alright already, I get it! It's God pretending to be a cockroach and I should let him live. But how the hell are we going to get God back out onto the balcony where he belongs?

My Little Voice was strangely silent on that query. She wasn't that keen on getting near "God" either. The cat looked up at me as if to say "I have an idea." I had one too. I snuck past the creature on the wall and went down stairs for the bug spray.

The Raid spray took care of things in short order and I scooped up the remains and flushed them down the toilet. Next time God shouldn't fly so close to my head looking like a big ass cockroach.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Kitty Porn


Just thought I would delight you all with a cute pic of my fur baby. This is my cat Cozy. When I snapped this pic she was trying to see what this whole web surfing craze was all about. I think she might have been surfing for kitty porn, but who knows? I didn't ask and she didn't tell.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

How To Get Rid of A Guy Quickly and For Good

Make his phone number one of your computer passwords so you can remember it. That'll do it. He'll drop off the face of the earth and never call again. Better than tattooing his name on your ass and a lot less painful.

Gahhhh!!!!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

New Perspective On An Old Idea

Last week, I had an amazing conversation with, of all people, my boss. Now just to clarify, my boss is one of the most intelligent people I know and he has a different point of view on a lot of things. When I mentioned that I would like Friday off to go and vote early, he told me I was ruining the excitement of election day.

"Huh?" I quizzed, with a lot of eye blinking. I didn't get it. How could voting EARLY ruin election day?

He explained that in his home country of Congo (you may have read of the unrest there recently in the news), there are no elections. He did recall one election when he was in college, but he said that because he and other college students voted against the incumbent President, they were beaten when they walked out of the polling booth and their ballots were ripped to shreds. But for the most part, there are no elections. Instead, they tend to have wars.

He talked about what a privilege it is to go and vote on the one day that is designated for voting and how we should never take Election Day for granted. He believes it should be national holiday.

After hearing his story of the one Congolese election he did vote in and hearing him describe how he gets up early on Election Day to be the first voter at his polling place. I was inspired. The man actually gets up at the crack of dawn and celebrates going to vote. What I looked at as an inconvenience of having to stand in line (really early), he sees as an honor and a duty as an American.

So, being inspired by his enthusiasm, I waited to vote until this morning. I got up very early and stood in a very short line with my neighbors to do my civic duty. I didn't feel quite as excited as my boss seems to (could be cause I'm not a morning person), but it felt good to cast my ballot and know that regardless of the outcome, my vote will count. I knew that I wouldn't get beaten up when I left the polling place and life would go on with out a civil war, no matter what. Now THAT is something to get excited about.