Friday, November 30, 2007
Seven Years Single
Thursday, November 29, 2007
"Here you go!" Says the Universe. "Here is the man of your dreams, complete with a job and a huge investment portfolio as a bonus. You've been such a patient girl. Enjoy!"
But something is missing. He has all of the criteria you are looking for but yet kissing him is akin to kissing dry wall or watching paint dry. There is no excitement. No Oomph.
I went through this recently with The Professor. He was everything I thought I would want in man, but there was no chemistry, at least on my part. He was very interested in me and even wanted to be exclusive, but I knew I was in trouble when even his comments during a movie we watched bugged the crap out of me. There was no oomph at all for him on my part. I really wanted there to be oomph, but you can't force it. So, back to to the dating board for me I guess.
Laugh now Universe, but I'm onto you and pay backs are hell.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Whatever he was wearing was like Chick Nip. I swallowed a giggle as I recalled that TV commercial for body spray where women go nuts over men who use that particular product (kind of like cats behave around cat nip). I could just imagine ladies trying to tear this guy's clothes off in the produce isle and rubbing their bodies up against him.
Suddenly, he turned around and gave me the most curious look. It was then that I realized that my nose was millimeters from the man's neck. I was busted smelling a perfect (married) stranger in the grocery store. I tried to play it off like I was peaking over his shoulder at a magazine.
"Excuse me," I said turning beet red and reaching for the magazine. I'm pretty sure he didn't believe I was that interested in a magazine; his knowing smirk said it all.
He moved up in the line to pay for his items and I noticed the check out girl giving him a funny look. When he handed her the money she practically sniffed the twenty dollar bill before giving him his change. As he walked out, she kept watching him walk away. (This girl was a teenager and the guy was old enough to be her father.) Apparently, that cologne works on women of all ages. Chick Nip indeed.
Monday, November 26, 2007
As we walked past each other, we were both checking each other out (in an obvious way) and what do I do? I just walk right past. He was talking on his phone, so speaking was somewhat out of the question, but still I could have smiled or something. I think I may have been too dumbfounded to even smile. I am such a freaking dork. A hot guy walks right past me and I can't stop the drooling long enough to even smile at him.
I wonder if he is still in the parking garage? Maybe I could throw myself in front of his car or something. At least I could practice looking vulnerable ;) I know, I know, dork is not the word.
I'm going to go and wipe the drool off of my shirt now and say a little prayer that he works in my building.
Lately at work and in my personal life, I have been reminded more and more that no one is an island unto themselves. Everything that goes on in the world effects everyone else. For example, lots of people made bad decisions when buying homes during the housing boom (lenders and buyers alike) and now, I'm having to jump through all sorts of hoops to get my house refinanced and I've never even been late with a payment! (And I've made pretty sound decisions.) However, other peoples issues are now causing my life to be more complicated. That pisses me off. Seriously pisses me off.
I have always known that this is a huge pet peeve for me every since I was a child. Other peoples poor planning or lack of boundaries have always plagued me, but have taught me to be much better at drawing my own boundaries. But still there are those instances when you get stuck. You know, like when your boss, who can't say no to anyone, says yes to a last minute project on Friday afternoon; (that should be done by one of his colleagues) he can't possibly do it by himself and wham, you're working the weekend. Usually a weekend in which you had plans. Grrrr. I'm learning to assert my boundaries in these situations and sometimes I can renegotiate deadlines, but usually, the person needing the project to be done (right now) has left the office to start his or her weekend early. Double Grrr.
It's times like these when I am learning to say the Serenity Prayer and try not to run over anyone with my car. But it ain't easy. At least I can be thankful that I know the Serenity Prayer. Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and I will try not to bitch anymore this week!
Monday, November 19, 2007
This morning was one of those times. I was greeted by a gigantic hairy spider in my shower before I'd even had my coffee. Of course with no man in sight, I had to conjure up the courage to get rid of the thing myself. There is nothing I hate worse than spiders, especially ones that are so big you can't wash them down the drain. Yuck.
I would have given anything to just be a girl for a minute and scream "Honeeeeeeeey! There's a huge spider in the shower! Get it out!" Short of playing rock, paper, scissors with the cat over the privilege of removing the creature, (not to mention I always lose that game anyway) I knew I had to "man up" and take care of the situation myself.
I hate having to "man up" before I've even had coffee.
Friday, November 16, 2007
"What?!" I said, trying not to choke on my tomato basil soup. "I didn't know you had one of those!" When did this happen?"
"He's a guy that I have known for a while and we get together for sex sometimes, but what do you get for a guy that you only sleep with?"
"Well," I said, "It would depend on the nature of the relationship. Are you really just fuck buddies, meaning, does he just come over, do the deed and leave? Or do you guys hang out together and do other things, not necessarily dates, but are you friends?"
"We're friends, we rent movies and hang out sometimes, we even have dinner together. But mostly, it's just sex."
"Sounds like you guys are more like Friends With Benefits. I'd get him a gift that you would get for a friend."
"Does he like a particular drink? You could get him a bottle of his favorite alcohol, something
benign like that. Then you could get him hammered and take advantage of him."
"Oooh, I like that idea!"
"Or if it was me, I'd get him lingerie." I said.
"You buy yourself a new teddy or a sexy bra and panty set and wear it for him, that way you both win."
"I so love the way you think!"
"I think he would love to see you in a new pair of stiletto boots along with that lingerie."
"You are the master!"
"I do have my moments of brilliance, that's why you're buying me lunch."
If you have any suggestions for great blogs let me know I'd love to check them out!
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Well all I can say is at least someone is getting some! ;)
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Where is the oddest place that you been that someone tried to pick you up or hit on you?
Since I started this whole thing, I'll go first. The oddest place I have ever had a man try to pick me up was at a wake. Yep, you read that right, a wake. I was at a local funeral home for a family member's wake and the funeral director asked me out on a date. Of course, I politely declined, but I will be forever referred to by my family members as Jodi, Peggy's youngest daughter, you now the one the flirty funeral director hit on at our cousin's wake. Apparently, I am irresistible in my funeral best.
Okay! Your turn, now go!
Monday, November 12, 2007
I wonder sometimes if I am missing a very important "girl gene" because I'm not really interested in things like shopping, shoes, handbags or fashion for that matter. I don't really follow trends or shop just to see what is new and exciting on the racks this year. I have a more masculine mentality when it comes to shopping. I am a hunter gatherer. I make a note of what I need (a new sweater for a party or a new pair of jeans) and then I go to the stores that are most likely to have my size in my price range and if I find what I need, I buy it. I also buy shoes when I need them not just because the store had a sale. (If the truth be known, I don't even like shoes.) Usually, if I don't actually need something, I don't buy it. Shopping just to shop is equivalent to the 9th circle of hell for me. I can't stand to spend money just for the sake of spending money.
However, shopping is not the only girly thing that I don't really get into. I'm also not really a fan of chick flicks either. Give me a beer and a football game any day over having to sit and watch Sleepless in Seattle. When the girls at work discuss Grey's Anatomy or Desperate Housewives, I am at a loss because I don't know the first thing about either show.
Being "non-girly" does have its advantages though. I am great at putting men at ease on dates because I can intelligently talk about their favorite football team and I even know what a 4th down conversion is.
All in all, I do sometimes feel like an outsider among my own peers, but on the bright side , I don't have a closet full of expensive (and uncomfortable) shoes that I will never wear. Now where the hell did I put those flip flops?
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
"I'm a little too old to take up rock climbing. If you want me to come in, it's pretty simple, just open the damn door." I replied.
I am so not in the market for a fixer upper.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
The Sheik and I were discussing what we wanted in the future. Not as couple mind you, because we had only been dating for a couple of months, but just in general or so I thought. (By the way, he wasn’t really a Sheik, he’d just grown up in
“So where do you see yourself in five years?” He asked.
‘Well, I ‘d love to be doing a different job, not that I hate my job now, but I think I’d like to maybe write for a living. Maybe as a freelance writer or something. You?”
“I’d like to be a contractor with the company where I work instead of being an employee. I’d like to make my own hours so I can spend more time at home. What else would you like to accomplish?”
“I’d like to be married and perhaps working on a family. If I were working part time writing or something, then I could concentrate on my family and be home with my kids more.”
“Yeah, at some point; it doesn’t have to be exactly five years, but I’d like to have kids some day.” As I finished my sentence, it felt like the air had gotten sucked out of the room. He got really quiet. I was perplexed.
“Uh, let’s go, we have dinner reservations,” he said quickly ending the conversation. I was wondering what I had said wrong.
The Sheik and I had met through an online dating service and in his profile he mentioned wanting to have kids (2 to be exact) so why would my revelation of wanting to have a family freak him out? I didn’t get it. It wasn’t like I said I wanted to have kids with HIM. I just meant in general. The dinner conversation was almost non-existent. He wouldn’t even look me in the eye.
Later, when he dropped me at my car, he didn’t even kiss me goodbye. He mumbled a short “bye” and barely stopped the car long enough for me to get out. For a minute, I thought he was just going to slow down, open the door and push me out. It would be the last time I heard from him.
When I recounted the story to a friend a couple of months later, I was still trying to figure out what I had done wrong. All I had done was answer honestly.
“Maybe you should have been vaguer,” my friend said. “He may have gotten freaked out because you mentioned having a family.”
“I didn’t say I wanted to have HIS kids! But maybe you’re right. However, I am a firm believer if you don’t want the answer, don’t ask the damn question!’
“Well, if he was the right guy, he wouldn’t have freaked out he would have just accepted your answer and not read too much into it, so that just means he wasn’t the One.” My friend mused.
“Yeah, I guess the lesson here is that sometimes vague is better especially early on in the dating game.” Perhaps too much honesty is not always the best policy.
Friday, November 2, 2007
I got an email from a reader a few days ago and it reminded me of some of the guys that I have dated in the past. I call them the Boomerang Boys. You know these boys, they’re the ones that break up with you or disappear, or maybe you broke up with them. In any event, they go away, but then they come back. Just like a boomerang, you toss it away, but it always comes back to you. It might be the three month booty call or the one year “I can’t live without you” visit, but inevitably, they come back around looking for a do over. And depending on how the relationship ended, we women may even be tempted to give them a mulligan.
I have definitely had my share of the Boomerang Boys. In fact, almost half of the men that I have dated for any length of time (long enough to call it a relationship) have come back wanting to rekindle things. However, I have a no “be backs” rule. I remind myself that these relationships ended for a reason. Why would I want to revisit something that didn’t work the first time? I am not really a glutton for punishment. Pain is not my thing.
Now I know there are people that will say, but Jodi, people change! And yeah, I get it that sometimes people change, but most of the time the only change that has occurred with these guys is that they realize they miss the good parts of being with you. They have blinders on the parts of the relationship that weren’t so good. Or they just want to get back into your bed. Take your pick.
It’s always a bit comical when a boy shows back up, hat in hand wanting to give it another try. So comical, it’s hard not to laugh, but you wouldn't want to be rude. You stand there thinking what in God’s name made this guy come back? Does he not remember that unfortunate incident in the car coming back from his parent's house?
My favorite Boomerang Boy was a guy that I dated for 3 months, who ghosted on me the week of Christmas one year. No phone, call no email, no nothing; he just disappeared. 6 months later he called me and wanted to have a beer. Out of extreme curiosity I went; I wanted to see what his excuse would be. He gave me some crazy story about training for the CIA or something (I could not make this shit up!) and never even apologized. Of course, I knew before I went that I would not date him again (once bitten, twice shy and all that) but I thought he would at least offer me some type of sincere apology for the disappearing act. But nope, nothing. Oh well, live and learn. People are not always what they seem as he would have been the last guy on earth I would have picked to behave that way. But you never know.
Anyone else have any great Boomerang Boy stories?