Every now and again every one has one of those days. Things just seem to go wrong from the moment you crawl out of bed. A week ago, I had one of those experiences. I just couldn’t quite get my crap together that day.
When I got to work that morning, I pulled up an email from my boss with an attachment that he wanted me to work on for him. I dove into the assignment and got it done in a couple of hours. When I finished, I closed the document and went onto something else. The only problem was I forgot to save the document to my computer. Our office network administrator spent the next hour trying to retrieve the assignment for me. I’m sure I was his favorite person that day. He got frustrated with me and no one ever frustrates him! I was on a roll.
Once he found the assignment, I tried to save it again and this time I lost it for good. (In my defense, we were experiencing network problems.) The network guy tried in vain to find the document again but this time it was completely gone and I crashed the entire computer. My day was going down hill fast. I knew something drastic might be in order. I had to figure out a way to start the day over.
One of my oldest and best friends, Colorado Beth, introduced me to the “reset button” concept. She was trying to break her habit of having negative thoughts and every time she would catch herself in her old pattern of thinking negatively, she would mentally hit the reset button in her head and start over. I tried this sitting at my desk but it was not working. It was getting close to lunch anyway, so while the network guy was scrubbing my hard drive (for the 5th time) I decided to go home and have lunch and see if I could somehow reset my karma.
When I got home, I decided I was literally going to start over. I went upstairs got back in bed and took a 20 minute nap. When I woke up, I went through my morning routine again (minus the shower). I brushed my hair, touched up my make up and went downstairs to have a bite of lunch. When I was finished, I brushed my teeth and headed back to work just like I had earlier that morning. The entire time I was going through my routine, I was imagining myself going back to work and finishing the assignment and having every thing go as smoothly as possible.
By the time I got back to the office, I felt very much at peace even though I knew I was going to have to redo that assignment I’d lost. I sat down and got to work on it and finished it even quicker than I had earlier that morning. The rest of the day went great, I had found my reset button and completely turned my day around.
What are some of the ways that you all have for hitting your reset button when you are having a crappy day?
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Epiphany
I had an epiphany today that hit me like a tons of bricks. I tend to fall for men that are not happy. I wouldn't go so far as to say that many of the guys I have fallen for were clinically depressed, but most of them were successful, handsome, talented and well, unhappy. You name it, these guys had it. They had great jobs, nice cars, nice homes, all the toys and accessories a person could want and unlimited potential to be the best at everything they attempted in life, but they also tended to not be very excited about their lives. Always searching for something more, something else to make them feel better.
I have never been a particularly unhappy person. In fact, my friend Colorado Beth would tell you that my dominant personality is the somewhat annoyingly optimistic "Pollyanna". Pollyanna is nothing if she is not a cheerleader. Apparently, I love being a cheerleader for men that have it all but don't seem to recognize their own worth.
Unfortunately, those men that I am so excited to prop up and cheer on, do not make very good partners for me. Because they tend to always be so wrapped up in their own misery and dramas, there isn't a lot left over for me when I need a little encouragement. Of course, that leads to disappointment and anger on my part. When I need my "partner" to take the reigns and comfort me for a bit in my time of need; he's wondering where Pollyanna went and who the hell is this needy chick?
All this time, I thought I was looking for a true partner and what I was really attracting (and was attracted to) were wonderful men who weren't happy and were looking for me to help them with that. Everything is great and wonderful until I need something from them in return and that's when it all seems to fall apart.
Well, now that I seem to have pinpointed the issue, now what do I do? I don't know whether I should put down the pom poms or not. I guess it's like deciding not to date men with a ton of drama, when I see that trait come out in the first few dates, I have learned to run. It's just not worth it. I guess I should learn to be my own cheerleader and when I see a guy that seems unhappy with his life (and wants someone to fix that) I should encourage myself to run like the wind.
2,4,6, 8 find another man to date! Go Me! Where the hell is that Pollyanna chick when you need her?
I have never been a particularly unhappy person. In fact, my friend Colorado Beth would tell you that my dominant personality is the somewhat annoyingly optimistic "Pollyanna". Pollyanna is nothing if she is not a cheerleader. Apparently, I love being a cheerleader for men that have it all but don't seem to recognize their own worth.
Unfortunately, those men that I am so excited to prop up and cheer on, do not make very good partners for me. Because they tend to always be so wrapped up in their own misery and dramas, there isn't a lot left over for me when I need a little encouragement. Of course, that leads to disappointment and anger on my part. When I need my "partner" to take the reigns and comfort me for a bit in my time of need; he's wondering where Pollyanna went and who the hell is this needy chick?
All this time, I thought I was looking for a true partner and what I was really attracting (and was attracted to) were wonderful men who weren't happy and were looking for me to help them with that. Everything is great and wonderful until I need something from them in return and that's when it all seems to fall apart.
Well, now that I seem to have pinpointed the issue, now what do I do? I don't know whether I should put down the pom poms or not. I guess it's like deciding not to date men with a ton of drama, when I see that trait come out in the first few dates, I have learned to run. It's just not worth it. I guess I should learn to be my own cheerleader and when I see a guy that seems unhappy with his life (and wants someone to fix that) I should encourage myself to run like the wind.
2,4,6, 8 find another man to date! Go Me! Where the hell is that Pollyanna chick when you need her?
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Not enough money
Me: “Umm, No!”
Guy at the bar: “Ever kissed a girlfriend?”
Me: “Sorry! But nope, never kissed a girl.”
Guy at the bar: “I thought most girls went through a curious phase in college and would at least make out with a roommate or something.”
Me: “What would give you that idea?” (I don’t know why I was even having this conversation, but I was fascinated.)
Guy at the bar: “Those Girls Gone Wild videos and movies and stuff show it all the time.”
Me: “Dude, you don’t live in a Girls Gone Wild video.”
Guy at the bar: “I know, but this is a college town and I figured there would be a lot of adventurous women here.”
Me: “You should stick to dating college girls”
Guy at the bar: “I would, but they only date older men with money.”
Me: “Oh… I see; you don’t make enough money to get college chicks to make out with each other for you. Bummer.”
Guy at the bar: “Yeah, but would you make out with a girl for me?”
Me: “You couldn’t possibly make enough money for me to make out with a chick either.”
Guy at the bar: “Oh….”
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Bad Reputation
“You know the dryer gets a bad reputation for eating socks and other articles of clothing, but really, it’s the washing machine that’s the culprit most of the time.” The plumber mused as he was snaking out my washing machine drain.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
A nick name is born
“So how many guys have you gone out with this month?” Colorado Beth asked.
“I don’t know; I lost count.” I said.
“It doesn’t take you long to rule a guy out, does it?” She asked.
“It’s more like most of them ruled me out.” I said.
“Oh….you’re like the one minute wonder, only you’re the Two Date Diva!” She exclaimed. “You can run off any man in two dates or less!”
“Great!" I replied, "Now I have a reputation and a snazzy new nickname.”
“I don’t know; I lost count.” I said.
“It doesn’t take you long to rule a guy out, does it?” She asked.
“It’s more like most of them ruled me out.” I said.
“Oh….you’re like the one minute wonder, only you’re the Two Date Diva!” She exclaimed. “You can run off any man in two dates or less!”
“Great!" I replied, "Now I have a reputation and a snazzy new nickname.”
Ghost Story
I decided, at the last minute, to run up to Borders and browse the bargain books section, just to see if there was anything that I just had to have. I hadn’t even made it past the new releases rack when I saw him. He was still as cute as remembered. There standing in the thriller isle, was a guy that I had dated for like a minute. I referred to him as Guitar Man because he was a shade tree guitar player. It was a passion he’d had since childhood, but he kept it as a hobby rather than pursuing it as a profession. When he told me the story you could hear the regret in his voice.
Ours was a short lived but complicated liaison. A couple of years ago, we met on an online dating website and we exchanged emails for a couple of weeks. That was our first connection. After a couple of weeks, he hadn’t asked for my phone number yet and I was losing interest and then he ghosted altogether. I was a bit disappointed because he seemed like a great guy, but there were too many fish in the sea to worry about a guy that didn’t even want to talk to me. I moved on.
Nearly a year later, he contacted me again, through the same online dating site. He didn’t seem to remember that we’d had a brief email exchange previously and I decided not to tell him. I figured I would wait and gauge his interest level. Within a couple of emails we had already set a date to meet. Things seemed to be looking up for our second run at the goal. Or so I thought.
Our first date was really great. We met for dinner and the conversation flowed endlessly and easily. After dinner, we even decided to go to a bar downtown and have a beer and keep talking. There was definitely “oomph” for both of us. After finally tearing ourselves away from each other, (actually the bar closed) we decided that we would get together in a week or so for dinner again. I was excited. This seemed to be a promising prospect after all. However, I knew that he had a flakey tendency (as evidenced by his ghosting behavior before) but I was willing to overlook it for the time being. But ,I would definitely keep my antenna up just in case he started to flake on me again.
The second date was even better than the first, no kissing or making out but hours of just sitting and talking and getting to know each other. During this conversation was when he lamented about his music career aspirations. He also let another tid bit slip as well. He talked about a girl that he’d dated a few months back and how that relationship had gone completely awry and she’d ended up stalking him. He had to take a restraining order out on her and move around from one friend’s house to another because she would follow him. Apparently, he’d been blowtorched very badly. It turned out, he’d met her on the same OLD site where we met and he met her about the same time he and I had been emailing the first time. His ghosting made sense. He’s been interested in someone else so he’d disappeared on me. On OLD sites, that tends to happen frequently.
After our discussion, I felt a little better about his flakiness; I felt like he would probably not be apt to disappear this time because we’d actually gone out a couple of times. (I still didn’t tell him that he’d ghosted on me before.) I went home that night with a nice warm hug, (still no kiss) a promise of a phone call to set up another date and a pretty good read on him. It felt like we were both into each other and he might turn out to be a keeper.
And then he ghosted. Again. No email, no phone call, no nothing. I was disappointed for real this time. I knew there was oomph, I’d felt it and I felt it from him too. I had not imagined it. I was not crazy. But, I knew he could be a flake going in to this thing, I reminded myself. It had been three weeks and I hadn’t heard a peep from him. I moved on and kept dating other boys. I put Guitar Man into my “next” pile.
And then I got an email from him out of the blue. He emailed from a different account and it went into my junk folder. Since I check that folder everyday, I knew it was his first email. It was just a short “hope you are doing well” note. He apologized for not contacting me sooner, but he didn’t give a reason for why he had not. He did say he regretted not getting back to me. I almost answered, but my Little Voice spoke up.
Little Voice: You can’t email him, he’s a flake.
Me: He said he was sorry.
Little Voice: Fool me once, shame one you…..
Me: I know the saying!
Little Voice: If he really wanted to date you, he would have figured out a way to get back to you.
Me: I know, I know. But, he was so cute.
Little Voice: He is, at the very least, wounded or confused or something and you don’t want a project, you want a boyfriend.
I knew my Little Voice was right, she always was. I didn’t want a guy that needed to be fixed or that was so wounded he couldn’t even email or pick up the phone and tell me. I wanted a man that was whole and ready to date me. Not a perfect guy, but at least one that knew what he wanted and would go after it. I decided to delete the email and not answer. There really wasn’t anything to say.
Seeing him in the bookstore, I was tempted to walk over and say hi and make small talk, but my Little Voice voted against it. And I knew she was right. Again. I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable and I didn't want to feel weird either. There still wasn't anything to say. What do you say to a ghost anyway?
Ours was a short lived but complicated liaison. A couple of years ago, we met on an online dating website and we exchanged emails for a couple of weeks. That was our first connection. After a couple of weeks, he hadn’t asked for my phone number yet and I was losing interest and then he ghosted altogether. I was a bit disappointed because he seemed like a great guy, but there were too many fish in the sea to worry about a guy that didn’t even want to talk to me. I moved on.
Nearly a year later, he contacted me again, through the same online dating site. He didn’t seem to remember that we’d had a brief email exchange previously and I decided not to tell him. I figured I would wait and gauge his interest level. Within a couple of emails we had already set a date to meet. Things seemed to be looking up for our second run at the goal. Or so I thought.
Our first date was really great. We met for dinner and the conversation flowed endlessly and easily. After dinner, we even decided to go to a bar downtown and have a beer and keep talking. There was definitely “oomph” for both of us. After finally tearing ourselves away from each other, (actually the bar closed) we decided that we would get together in a week or so for dinner again. I was excited. This seemed to be a promising prospect after all. However, I knew that he had a flakey tendency (as evidenced by his ghosting behavior before) but I was willing to overlook it for the time being. But ,I would definitely keep my antenna up just in case he started to flake on me again.
The second date was even better than the first, no kissing or making out but hours of just sitting and talking and getting to know each other. During this conversation was when he lamented about his music career aspirations. He also let another tid bit slip as well. He talked about a girl that he’d dated a few months back and how that relationship had gone completely awry and she’d ended up stalking him. He had to take a restraining order out on her and move around from one friend’s house to another because she would follow him. Apparently, he’d been blowtorched very badly. It turned out, he’d met her on the same OLD site where we met and he met her about the same time he and I had been emailing the first time. His ghosting made sense. He’s been interested in someone else so he’d disappeared on me. On OLD sites, that tends to happen frequently.
After our discussion, I felt a little better about his flakiness; I felt like he would probably not be apt to disappear this time because we’d actually gone out a couple of times. (I still didn’t tell him that he’d ghosted on me before.) I went home that night with a nice warm hug, (still no kiss) a promise of a phone call to set up another date and a pretty good read on him. It felt like we were both into each other and he might turn out to be a keeper.
And then he ghosted. Again. No email, no phone call, no nothing. I was disappointed for real this time. I knew there was oomph, I’d felt it and I felt it from him too. I had not imagined it. I was not crazy. But, I knew he could be a flake going in to this thing, I reminded myself. It had been three weeks and I hadn’t heard a peep from him. I moved on and kept dating other boys. I put Guitar Man into my “next” pile.
And then I got an email from him out of the blue. He emailed from a different account and it went into my junk folder. Since I check that folder everyday, I knew it was his first email. It was just a short “hope you are doing well” note. He apologized for not contacting me sooner, but he didn’t give a reason for why he had not. He did say he regretted not getting back to me. I almost answered, but my Little Voice spoke up.
Little Voice: You can’t email him, he’s a flake.
Me: He said he was sorry.
Little Voice: Fool me once, shame one you…..
Me: I know the saying!
Little Voice: If he really wanted to date you, he would have figured out a way to get back to you.
Me: I know, I know. But, he was so cute.
Little Voice: He is, at the very least, wounded or confused or something and you don’t want a project, you want a boyfriend.
I knew my Little Voice was right, she always was. I didn’t want a guy that needed to be fixed or that was so wounded he couldn’t even email or pick up the phone and tell me. I wanted a man that was whole and ready to date me. Not a perfect guy, but at least one that knew what he wanted and would go after it. I decided to delete the email and not answer. There really wasn’t anything to say.
Seeing him in the bookstore, I was tempted to walk over and say hi and make small talk, but my Little Voice voted against it. And I knew she was right. Again. I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable and I didn't want to feel weird either. There still wasn't anything to say. What do you say to a ghost anyway?
It’s Not Me, Really It’s You
The Manipulator was seriously getting on my nerves. We had been on three dates but already we’d had an argument because I didn’t email him back quick enough. This time he was upset because I said no to being exclusive. WTF?
“Don’t you want to have a relationship and possibly get married and have kids someday?” He asked.
“Yeah, if the right guy comes along.” I answered.
“Well, you don’t have a lot of time to waste, if you want kids, you are over thirty you know.” He snapped.
Just call me old! That’s going to make me want to date you! I thought. “So… I should just choose you because my biological clock might be ticking? That doesn’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense. Besides, if I decide that I want a child and I’m not married there are always other options.” I responded. I was so mad I was practically foaming at the mouth.
“I’m just saying that you don’t the luxury of time to be so picky, that’s all. If you want to have a family the old fashioned way, you need to think about it now. Here you have a great guy who would be willing to give you all of that and you don’t seem to want to even give him a chance.” He said.
“We’ve only been on three dates!” I yelled. “I don’t even know your middle name! How the hell am I supposed to decide to spend the rest of my life with you and have your children after three dates?!”
“Are you going to give me that tired line about it being you and not me?” He asked.
“No, not at all, because believe me, it’s not me, really it’s you!” I snapped back.
Good. Riddance.
“Don’t you want to have a relationship and possibly get married and have kids someday?” He asked.
“Yeah, if the right guy comes along.” I answered.
“Well, you don’t have a lot of time to waste, if you want kids, you are over thirty you know.” He snapped.
Just call me old! That’s going to make me want to date you! I thought. “So… I should just choose you because my biological clock might be ticking? That doesn’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense. Besides, if I decide that I want a child and I’m not married there are always other options.” I responded. I was so mad I was practically foaming at the mouth.
“I’m just saying that you don’t the luxury of time to be so picky, that’s all. If you want to have a family the old fashioned way, you need to think about it now. Here you have a great guy who would be willing to give you all of that and you don’t seem to want to even give him a chance.” He said.
“We’ve only been on three dates!” I yelled. “I don’t even know your middle name! How the hell am I supposed to decide to spend the rest of my life with you and have your children after three dates?!”
“Are you going to give me that tired line about it being you and not me?” He asked.
“No, not at all, because believe me, it’s not me, really it’s you!” I snapped back.
Good. Riddance.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Wedding Shower From Hell (literally)
I just got an invitation to a friend’s upcoming wedding shower. It’s a costume wedding shower (in honor of Halloween). I mentioned this to my California Mom and she laughed so hard, she almost cried. “Only in the South!” she declared. I had to admit that I agreed with her, it was quite a funny notion to have a costume wedding shower, but who knows, it might be fun. Or at least offer a few pictures to be used as blackmail at a later date.
I can’t help but wonder if I will be the only single girl at this shindig. I have the feeling that I will be. In honor of my own singleness, I have been trying to come up with fun costume ideas that will fit the occasion. Here is what California Mom and I came up with so far:
1. Dead Bride—a rather obvious but classic choice. I wonder if the bride-to-be will actually choose this costume though.
2. Brides Maid with gunshot wound to the head—this conveys the feeling of many women who have bought their 20th grotesque bridesmaid’s dress (that they will never wear again) and would rather shoot themselves than have to go to one more wedding, especially if they have to go alone. (Maybe she’s the one that killed the dead bride?)
3. (My personal favorite) Slutty Flower Girl—She’s dressed way inappropriately for a wedding, but damn she’s a lot fun!
4. Pregnant Redneck Bride--Nothing like a mom-to-be in a wedding dress, carrying a 40 oz. and a pack of cigarettes.
Any other suggestions? I’m open!
I can’t help but wonder if I will be the only single girl at this shindig. I have the feeling that I will be. In honor of my own singleness, I have been trying to come up with fun costume ideas that will fit the occasion. Here is what California Mom and I came up with so far:
1. Dead Bride—a rather obvious but classic choice. I wonder if the bride-to-be will actually choose this costume though.
2. Brides Maid with gunshot wound to the head—this conveys the feeling of many women who have bought their 20th grotesque bridesmaid’s dress (that they will never wear again) and would rather shoot themselves than have to go to one more wedding, especially if they have to go alone. (Maybe she’s the one that killed the dead bride?)
3. (My personal favorite) Slutty Flower Girl—She’s dressed way inappropriately for a wedding, but damn she’s a lot fun!
4. Pregnant Redneck Bride--Nothing like a mom-to-be in a wedding dress, carrying a 40 oz. and a pack of cigarettes.
Any other suggestions? I’m open!
The more you learn the less you know
In my thirty four years on this earth I have learned a lot of lessons. I’ve learned that sometimes the oldest friends are the best. I’ve learned that no matter how much you may love the guy, if he doesn’t feel the same; it won’t work. I’ve also learned that the more I learn the less I know. Go figure.
It’s funny how that works. You spend your teenage years thinking you know it all and by the time your mid-twenties roll around, reality has slapped you in the face with the lesson that you REALLY didn’t know anything! And it seems that the more knowledge you acquire, the more apparent it becomes that you know less and less.
Take dating for example. When I started to date regularly (after the break up of a long term relationship) I had no idea what I didn’t know. Who the hell knew that all of the rules had changed? Somebody should have clued me in. I found myself deep into a game that I didn’t know the rules for, but even worse, everyone seemed to being playing by different versions of their own rules. Confusion was not quite the word for it. Perhaps clusterfuck would be a much better word. But, I have trudged on.
I am, by no means, a victim in any of this. I have chosen to go out with every man that I have dated. I take full responsibility for those men that I just didn’t feel the “oomph” for and I totally understood when a guy just didn’t feel it for me. However, there were a few men in the pile that left me scratching my head and many of my friends wondering if I had become a freak magnet. Heavy emphasis on the freak. But at least I had a lot of great stories and a few lessons learned (the hard way).
This brings me to why I started this blog. I know that there are other women like me out there. The lone single girl in her group of friends or the girl everyone has tried to set up on a date, but to no avail. She’s a great girl, everyone says so! No one can figure out why she’s still single because she’s dated most of the single men in town. Everyone knows THAT girl, she’s a serial dater. She dates a ton of men, but not many of them are keepers (at least not for very long). THAT girl would be me. Welcome to my world. Hopefully you will be able to relate to some of the things that come out of my head and some of my experiences. Hell, maybe you can even tell me what I am doing wrong!
It’s funny how that works. You spend your teenage years thinking you know it all and by the time your mid-twenties roll around, reality has slapped you in the face with the lesson that you REALLY didn’t know anything! And it seems that the more knowledge you acquire, the more apparent it becomes that you know less and less.
Take dating for example. When I started to date regularly (after the break up of a long term relationship) I had no idea what I didn’t know. Who the hell knew that all of the rules had changed? Somebody should have clued me in. I found myself deep into a game that I didn’t know the rules for, but even worse, everyone seemed to being playing by different versions of their own rules. Confusion was not quite the word for it. Perhaps clusterfuck would be a much better word. But, I have trudged on.
I am, by no means, a victim in any of this. I have chosen to go out with every man that I have dated. I take full responsibility for those men that I just didn’t feel the “oomph” for and I totally understood when a guy just didn’t feel it for me. However, there were a few men in the pile that left me scratching my head and many of my friends wondering if I had become a freak magnet. Heavy emphasis on the freak. But at least I had a lot of great stories and a few lessons learned (the hard way).
This brings me to why I started this blog. I know that there are other women like me out there. The lone single girl in her group of friends or the girl everyone has tried to set up on a date, but to no avail. She’s a great girl, everyone says so! No one can figure out why she’s still single because she’s dated most of the single men in town. Everyone knows THAT girl, she’s a serial dater. She dates a ton of men, but not many of them are keepers (at least not for very long). THAT girl would be me. Welcome to my world. Hopefully you will be able to relate to some of the things that come out of my head and some of my experiences. Hell, maybe you can even tell me what I am doing wrong!
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