Thursday, May 29, 2008

Questions For Potential Suitors

Thanks to Lisa Ann for most of these......

1) Do you believe the Apollo moon landings were faked? If so, do you frequently get your scientific information from the Fox Network? Are you aware that Commander Riker wasn't *really* a commander? (and that he wasn't even a Riker?)

2) Have you ever committed a hate crime? Have you ever used that hate crime as the basis for an amusing anecdote?

3) Do you believe that 9/11 was a US Government conspiracy?

4) How many ex-wives have you had? Are you sure, or am I going to find out from my boss that there's one you forgot to tell me about?

5) Are you capable of having a first phone call with me, without demanding that I give you the entire 35 year history of my reproductive system? If not, could you at least wait until we've talked for more than 10 minutes?

6) When I tell you, after we've spoken on the phone a few times (but before we've actually met) that my 92 year old Grampa is coming to visit and I will be busy the next evening, will you be able to refrain from calling me for one single evening? Or are you going to call me anyway and plaintively ask what you've done wrong that I want to spend the evening with another man?

7) Are you in a relationship or is there anyone who thinks they are in a relationship with you? (thanks Seeing Single!)

8) Are you a germaphobe and will you insist on using hand sanitizer every time I stand too close to you?

9) Are you going to plan our honeymoon before the end of our first date?

10) Are you going to hit on my friend when I walk to the restroom?

Feel free to add your own in the comments section!!!!

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

This One's For The Boys

Okay boys! We got it, we really did. We read all of the books. We read He's Just Not That Into You and Why Men Love Bitches and many other books too numerous to name. We watched the talk shows and listened to the experts. We took these things to heart. We changed our ways and grew. We learned.

We understand chasing you is bad. We know moving into your life, your house, your car, your space without an invitation is bad. We learned when you say something, we should take you at your word, especially when your actions are in accord with your words. We learned actions speak much louder than words. We get it that if you aren't making room for us in your life we are probably not really wanted there. We also learned not to be where we are not wanted.

You said you didn't want a long term relationship. You said you didn't want marriage. We said we DID want those things. We asked for a drawer and space in the bathroom to keep a toothbrush and you responded by commenting on the price of beets at the grocery store. We did the math.

We don't want the same things
+ you're not really inviting us in
= This relationship is not going anywhere

We asked what you wanted and we listened when you answered. We didn't try to convince you to want what we wanted. We didn't manipulate you by moving our things into your space when you weren't looking. We took you at face value and respected your wishes. We didn't try to change you.

So, why the long face/sour puss/pouting/puzzled look when we move on? Why do you ask what happened and assert that you thought we'd move in together and get married some day? You talked, we listened. You acted, we watched. We have no hard feelings. There is no anger or drama. We got the message and took action.

This post is dedicated to all the women who saw the wall and decided NOT to beat their head against it.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Another Reason Being Single Ain't All That Bad

When a cute boy calls and wants to invite you to his beach house for the weekend, you can always say YES!!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Too Picky? Not Picky Enough?

For all of us who have been highly criticized for being picky.....

Monday, May 19, 2008

Shoutin' Out to Lisa Ann

On our journey north, California Mom and I stopped to have lunch with a Diva blog reader and friend of the California 'Rents, Lisa Ann. After and few minutes of swapping dating stories, I didn't feel so alone in my quest to date every freak on the eastern seaboard. In fact, if there are any freaks I missed, Lisa Ann found them and unfortunately went out with them. Thank God she didn't try to keep them.

I learned a few new questions to ask to weed out potential weirdos and I also learned that Fatz restaurants are not the place to have a first date. Lisa Ann swears she's never had a relationship work out after having a first date at a Fatz. Must be bad dating juju. Also, beware of men who do not tell you their real names. That is never a good thing.

You know, dating may not always be fun, but the the horror stories sure can be!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Dancing in Fountains

Do you remember that movie Under the Tuscan Sun and the chick that danced in the fountain? Well, while on vacation I channeled the dancing girl, took off my shoes and jumped in a fountain in Charleston. The city actually encourages dancing in the fountains, they just insist that you do so at your own risk because there are no lifeguards on duty. (At least that's what the sign said.) You gotta love a city that wants it's visitors to actually get into the fountains and dance around.
Here are a couple of pics from my wanderings. Enjoy!

Me taking a bit of a rest after walking through Waterfront Park and down to the battery.

Me in the Fountain at Waterfront Park. It was a Free Day and I felt like getting my feet wet. Please disregard the "Siberian ass cheek" white pallor of my skin. I may be from Florida, but I'm Irish and that means a whole lotta white skin.

You Learn Something New Everyday

Did you know that there is a competition for practically everything these days? I didn't really know it until recently. While traipsing about the south on our road trip, California Mom and I drove up to her home town for it's annual Rose Show. This a competition to see who can grow the prettiest flowers. However, that's not the only competition for this show. They also had a competition for table setting. Not fancy "over the top dinner party" table setting, but every day "put the dishes and silverware on the table" type setting. They even had a competition for setting up serving trays. (I'm serious, I'm not making this up!) Apparently, we take these things pretty seriously in the south. The table setting below wasn't the winner but it was an honorable mention. According to the note, it didn't place because the table cloth was "too busy."

I'm waiting for the "best dater" competition. I've got that one in the bag. Enjoy the pics!

A Lily, I think!

A Rose from the competition.

Honorable mention.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Sinus Infection Purgatory (Okay, It's Hell)

The day before we left Savannah, I came down with a rockin' sinus infection (happens a lot when I travel). I've been down with it all weekend and today I finally just completely lost my voice. Good. Times. But I promise to be back to my old posting ways soon, with stories/pictures of my trip, meeting new friends ***cyberwaving to Lisa Ann****and of course the boys along the way.

I will be back. (You have to imagine this in the creepy Arnold voice from Terminator, since I actually can't talk right now.)

I Finally Did It.....

I finally talked California Mom into starting a blog. She has a ton of crazy southerner stories to share with the world. Don't say I didn't warn you that my family is a bit off center! Check out her blog at

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Southern Boys Just Might be the Death of Me

I love southern boys. I can't help it. They are my weakness, kind of like chocolate or ice cream. Southern boys are polite, charming and they know how to treat a lady because many of them learned well from mama (whom they adore).

During our two day stint in beautiful Charleston, SC (also known as my birthplace), California Mom and I encountered many local boys and I was reminded why I am so enthralled with them. As we were walking the city on the night we arrived, we walked past the historic Planter's Inn. California Mom asked the young doorman if he knew of any good seafood restaurants that he would recommend. I figured he would point us to the nearest Long John Silver because he only looked to be about twelve. (Maybe he looked fifteen, but the point is, he was young!) Not only did he know of a great restaurant, but he personally escorted us down the block to the door and left before we could even tip him!

Later as we checked in with the hostess to get a table, we chose to sit at the bar or the community table which had shorter wait times. We hadn't been waiting five minutes before two men who were leaving walked over to us and offered their seats at the bar. When we left, we called our cab and walked outside to wait for it. Three men who'd dined at a table near the bar gave us their cab when it arrived so that we wouldn't have to stand outside and wait.
Every one of these guys was so polite and nice for no other reason than it was a nice thing to do. There was nothing in it for any of them. They were just being gentlemanly. I gotta say, I really like that in a man. It's positively swoon worthy.

Even though I live in the south, there aren't a ton of true southern gentlemen where I live. Because we are the capital city, we have a lot of transplants that came here to go to school or work in government. Native southern boys are few and far between (or married).

Tooling around Charleston for a couple of days almost makes a girl want to move.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

The One About the Vibrator

As California Mom and I were driving through the foothills of North Georgia, we found ourselves conversing about my blog and my awesome cyberpeeps as well as the various other blogs that I try to ready daily. We were discussing Adventure Grrl's blog (100 Days in Bed) and I was telling her about AG's recent visit from her mother and her mother's insistence that they go vibrator shopping together. We laughed about how neither of us could have ever gone vibrator shopping with our moms (our mothers were sisters) and how awkward it would have been if one of them had asked. California Mom wasn't even sure they had vibrators when her mom was young. I told her she was crazy and yes they had vibrators when her mom was young, they just weren't as fancy and didn't have all the bells and whistles that vibrators have today.

As we continued to talk, we came up to an intersection on some winding back road. There were several signs for antique shops and we commented on how those might be fun to visit.

California Mom: What would an antique vibrator have looked like? They wouldn't have had batteries. They would have needed a cord or have been hand cranked.

Me: (Bursting out laughing--I was having visions of hand cranked egg beaters.) Hand cranked?

California Mom: I can't picture one with a cord, in fact, I don't want to picture one with a cord.

At this point, we were laughing so hard, I was having trouble keeping the car on the road. Of course the next day, we had to find an antique egg beater, you know, for a souvenir.

California Dad, if you are reading this, I swear no alcohol was involved!!!

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Hell Hath No Fury Like The Tooth Fairy

The past couple of days have been quite an adventure, let's recap!

California Mom finally made it town and we hit the local Rose Show up in the town where she grew up. (More blogging on that later, complete with pictures!) We had a blast and the best lunch of southern fried goodies ever!

Last night, during my nightly enthusiastic round of flossing, I broke a molar. Yeah, I broke a tooth while flossing! There was no pain or anything, the tooth just broke. This morning, I called my dentist only to find out that she was no longer in business in this town. So, I called my dental plan to get a new dentist. It took a bit of calling dentists, getting an emergency appointment and calling the insurance company back, etc. etc., but I finally got an appointment for today. Let the games begin.

Turns out, I had a cavity inside my tooth and I need a crown. No big deal, I've had a crown put on before so I settled in and waited for the Novocaine to do it's magic. FIVE shots (and a lot of drilling and wincing) later,my tooth was still not completely numb. The dentist couldn't give me any more shots so he just started packing my tooth with Novocaine soaked cotton to try to numb it more. The damn thing NEVER got completely numb. Oh and for the kicker, I gotta have a freakin' root canal. So much for flossing.