This week I went through an ordeal that most online daters absolutely dread worse than the plague. I had to tell a guy that we weren't a good match. He was a really nice guy, but I didn't really feel a ton of chemistry with him on our first meet and there was just something about him that I didn't think would fit well with my personality. I couldn't put my finger on what it was after our lunch date, but I knew there was something there (or not there).
He asked me out for a second date and then flip flopped after he had a bad date with another woman the same week he met me. He took her to dinner, she got hammered and embarrassed him. He called me to cancel our date saying he'd rather have lunch a few more times before we did the whole dinner and drinks outing. Since I wasn't really feeling a ton of chemistry anyway, and really not wanting to be punished for the sins of some other chick who couldn't follow proper dating etiquette, I emailed him back and said thanks, but that I wasn't sure we were a very good match. Of course, I didn't give him a reason for our not being a good fit, I just gave him a simple and polite "no thanks." I figured that would end it all.
But no, he sent me a flurry of emails wanting to explain his position and insisting that he knew better than I did how I felt about him. Apparently just because I was nice and polite on our lunch date (and did not drink 5 martinis), that proved I had feelings for him that I didn't even know I had. The crazy thing is...I didn't even flirt with the guy during our lunch! (Note to self: turn down the charm to about 50% on first meets.)
Persistence can be cute and lovable if done correctly. Some guys can pull it off quite well and get another chance. Some persistence can be down right annoying (as evidence by the above mentioned guy's irritating tactics). Some men who can't take no for an answer can be down right creepy, like Border's Guy looking me up and calling me out of the blue. And continuing to call even after I told him not to. Persistence, like chemistry, is a fleeting thing.
In any event, it seems like my instincts were correct about the bad match thing. The dude seems like he might be a bit of a control freak. He's insisting that I give him three good reasons why I don't think we are a good pair. Say it with me people......Oh. My. God. This type of behavior is why people are afraid to reject someone and generally choose to disappear instead. Too bad I didn't just ghost myself. Damn my manners.
9 comments:
That's funny in a really pathetic sort of way. Because it reminds me of my own experiences.When I was in the online dating world, I always tried to take the high road (even though all I really wanted to do was disappear). So, like you, I'd keep my responses (i.e., rejections) short, sweet and to the point. I'd say 50% of the guys were appreciative that I was honest and communicated with them. The other 50%? Like your guy, went off the deep end. And it was at that point I didn't feel one bit of remorse cutting off contact with them. I wiped my hands clean and moved on. But, never once did I regret taking the high road, as that's the way I wish guys were with me.
That's when you flat out say "DUDE, FUCK OFF"
They get that point. hahahahahha
Nilsa- Yep, I'm always happy to take the high road, but guys like this really making ghosting look appealing.
AGAW--Is it too late to be you when I grow up?!?!?!? ;)
That would be Motley Crew.
It's amazing that you did the right thing and he still couldn't get a hit. my adive, tell him you want to get married asap and have 10 kids, that should get rid of him quickly. :)
ROFLMAO
Good lord, I have a date this weekend, puleeze let me not have to be mean cuz average girl and I have the same 'tude!
Remember Bitchy Breanna? Let her out!!!
I think you can still disappear. You already said your peace: not interested. If he didn't get that the first time, then maybe no answer needs to be the answer for him.
Men like this are pathetic and frightening. He is very open about being a control freak due to his annoying behavior. If he is so obvious about that horrendous trait, wonder what he is hiding? RUN!
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