When someone doesn't react as we thought they would or if someone decides not to see us again even after a great couple of dates, we tend to look at ourselves and ask "What went wrong? What did I do?" However, as I am slowly learning the hard way, it might not always be about me.
You may remember a few months back I went out with a guy who asked me out for a third date before the end of the second one, and gave me an awesome good night kiss. I lamented about this date in the A Kiss is Still A Kiss post. I have to admit that I spent a couple of days going over that date in my head trying to figure out what I could have done wrong to cause the guy to flake out on me and never call back. Even though, logically, I knew I hadn't done anything wrong. If I had, he most likely would not have asked me out for another date. He would have just gotten in his car and left. So, what happened? Who knows? And frankly, who cares? It ain't about me.
Recently, I had a similar incident. A few weeks ago I had two great dates with a guy that ghosted on me a year ago. In my quest to date out of my box, I gave him another chance. And wouldn't you know it? He ghosted again. He called me and canceled a date we had planned and he's never called or emailed again. Why did he ghost? Again, who the hell knows? But the point is, it really doesn't matter because it has nothing to do with me.
I could sit and suppose why he would cancel and agonize over every conversation we had, but what would be the point? He ghosted because he wanted to and that's what matters. The amazing thing is, once you let go of blaming and questioning yourself, it's very easy to let go of the whole situation. Once you allow people to be responsible for their own actions, the "why" of it all no longer really matters and it's easy to shrug your shoulders and move on.
Once you get it that it's really not all about you, the world of dating looks a whole lot different.