What Christie Brinkley and I Have in Common

......and it ain't that we're both supermodels. Nope, Christie and I have something a bit more disturbing in common. It seems that we are both attracted to narcissistic men.

If you have been in a coma or under a rock, you might not be aware of Christie's divorce trial. I haven't even been keeping up with it (I'm not a celebrity watcher), but even I know some of what has come out of the court room. Apparently, according to some shrink who testified, Christie has bad taste in mates and she is attracted to narcissistic men who need their egos fed constantly. Yeah, well Christie, join the club honey.

Christie's plight to get out of her horrible marriage hit a bit close to home for me. I've never been married to a narcissist, but I've definitely dated a couple of them. In fact, if I have a "type" that I am most attracted to, narcissistic boys would be right up there, right next to athletic and smart.

It's not the narcissism that's attractive; it's the facade in front of it that can be alluring. The really talented narcissists are very good at hiding their true nature. These men tend to be very ambitious and successful. They can make you think they can handle and do just about anything they put their minds to. This can be very attractive to a woman who is a nurturer to a fault, a woman who is used taking care of everything and everyone around her. It's a beautiful fantasy that you've finally met a man who can nurture you and take care of you in those times when you need it most. I don't know very much about Christie Brinkley, but I do know myself and I'd bet money she, like me, is used to taking care of everyone but herself. That's how the narcissist gets in, with the promise of being a real equal partner. Someone to help take care of you for a change. But, that's never how it turns out.

Why do intelligent, beautiful women fall for these creeps, you ask? The thing about narcissists is they know how to sell it. When a narcissistic guy pursues you he doesn't come off full of himself and self absorbed. The courting phase is all about you. He will make you think that he is completely into you and will be there for you no matter what. He may even hold your hand when your pet dies or bring your mother flowers, but in the end, all of his wooing and romantic gestures are really more about him than about you. That's the difference between a narcissist and a nurturer. A nurturer does things for you because he cares about you. A narcissist does things because he thinks there's something in it for him.

With these types of men, it's not about bonding and building relationships. It's about what he can get out of those relationships. He dates you because you are a wealthy supermodel who can advance his career with your money and influential friends. He dates you to make him look better to his buddies. He dates you because you are educated and acceptable to his social group (or one he is trying to break into). He dates you because you are what his peers consider marriage material. Marrying/dating you can get him noticed and/or favored with clients, bosses, or others he thinks can help him get ahead. He dates you because you are twenty years his junior and his money/good looks/influence allow him to woo you and make him look like "the man" to his friends. He dates you because you are a nurturer who supports him and boosts his ego. He dates you because you have something to offer him, not the other way around.

The ones that are really good at hiding their true agenda can do so for years, as was probably the case with Christie's soon to be ex. They can even make you think that everything that is wrong in the relationship is really all your fault. His business failures are about your lack of support. His affairs with numerous women are because you made him feel less manly by asking him to change a diaper or two when you had the flu. He's not a philandering jerk, you're a high maintenance, demanding shrew. And many times, we women actually buy these excuses and take the blame on ourselves. And that's why we stay and we ignore.

However, sometimes, the proverbial piano falls on your head. Some guy walks up to you at a graduation and tells you that your husband is sleeping with his teenage daughter. That shit is hard to ignore. It's in these times that you begin to see the whole picture. Too bad Christie's picture included one affair with a teenager and $3000 a month in porn subscriptions.

Thankfully, I've come to be able to recognize narcissistic tendencies before I get into a relationship with a man. Once you've been bitten you are definitely twice shy. I just hope Christie Brinkley has learned to pay attention to the red flags and she doesn't repeat the same mistake again.