It's a Sunday afternoon and I find myself running around getting ready for a date with a boy we'll call Prospect A. He called (last minute) and wanted to meet up for a beer and a bite to eat. Just seeing his name on my cell phone made my heart flutter. I really dig Prospect A. The only problem is that I don't think Prospect A digs me quite as much as I dig him. He never plans in advance, his calls are always last minute. He never really seems to have time to do things when I want to. Everything is on his schedule.
Fast forward a couple of days and I get a call from a boy we'll refer to as Prospect B. He calls on Wednesday to ask if I have plans for dinner on Friday night. I give him a definite maybe because I'm really hoping that Prospect A calls and wants to meet up. Prospect B is really into me. I can tell because he always calls when he says he will, he makes plans in advance, and he always makes time for me. His intentions are crystal clear. He actually wants to date me. The problem here is that I don't dig Prospect B as much as he does me. This is the story of my freakin' love life and personally, I'm sick of it!
I recently read an article on Match.com (go here to read the article) about a writer with a similar problem. It really hit home. I always seem to be into the guy that's not all that into me. Dating both of these guys at the same time has hammered that fact home to me kinda like getting hit on the head. Really. Hard. By a big 'ol piano.
Not only does it not make sense in the real world that I should be more into Prospect B, but it makes more sense on paper as well. Prospect B is closer to my age, wants most of the same things in life that I do, is actually cuter than Prospect B and he is into me.
So what the heck is my problem?
Sunday, August 3, 2008
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9 comments:
Oh I hear you sister. Been there many a times. All i can say is one day your prospect a and b will line up, meaning you will be into the guy who does seem into you and calls you when he says, etc. count these guys as just practice. i know you're sick of it, but it's going to be worth it in the end to find the right person.
Hmmmm maybe subconsciously we tend to sabotage ourselves for some unknown reason as well. I often wonder if it's a subconscious way to protect our hearts from falling I mean after all you cannot fall in love and get everything you want in life if you keep falling for the guy that doesn't want the same things right??? I mean you will only get those things if you fall for the one that does....Sometimes I think we gravitate for the "wrong" guy as a protection mechanism...Just a thought...
Oh. I. so. get. this!!!!! I am the queen of this.
I have to believe (or I will lose my mind) that like surfergrrl says, A & B will eventually line up. However, I suspect I may be 80 at the time!
Is it a case of wanting what we can't have? Damned pheremones.
This is the story of my life as well, although in my case prospect A is cuter and I just LIKE him a lot more...
Isn't that the balance of dating? I mean it's always a better time for one than the other. Or one person likes the other more. And so on. It's just the nature of dating. Not to say it's fun, but it's the way it is.
I say, cast both prospects free (at least emotionally, you should, even if you continue to spend time with them). And save your real energy for someone where there's equal amounts of time, attraction, respect, etc.
You're not saying WHY you dig A more than B. looks? personality? Or just that he's not so much into you? You need to know the reason if you want to break the pattern.
...because you're not ready for a relationship and still wants the chase/uncertainty? Or, it's because you're not grateful? Or it could be because you just not ready to settle into a relationship?
You and God knows better than me.
You can't help chemistry or attraction. Not your problem, but the truth.
Walt- I'm working on a post about this, it is thought provoking.
Cilly- I don't think its not being ready or as Dee mentioned a "self sabotage" type thing. Believe me, I've thought about this a lot. There is something that Prospect A has that Prospect B does not. I think I know what it is. I'm working on a post about it. I gotta mush it around in the gray matter a bit more.
Colleen- you are so right! There is something that is attractive to me that Prospect A obviously has that makes it hard to get past, even though he not really into me.
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