Confidence is a must have for me in a man. This little revelation hit me like a bus recently. Apparently, for me, it's one of those hidden deal breakers you don't realize is there until you fall over it. This all became very clear to me while dating Prospect A and Prospect B(AKA "The Cuddler", that's a story for a different post).
If you remember in a previous post, I alluded to the fact that there was something missing with Prospect B that I couldn't quite put my finger on. And even though Prospect A seemed to be less into me, I was still more attracted to him than I was Prospect B, who was completely into me. I finally figured out the difference was confidence level.
Prospect B didn't seem to have much experience with women and even though he did everything "right" (ie calling, showing up on time, etc), he always seemed like he was checking things off of a list.
Hug after the second date: check
Held hands on the third date: check
Put arm around her on the third date: check
Kiss on the fourth date: check
I felt like I was in high school! There didn't seem to be any spontaneity that comes with confidence in yourself. Everything seemed very scripted. He seemed very afraid of making the wrong move too soon. His lack of confidence was not very appealing to me. In fact, it became a huge turnoff.
Prospect A, on the other hand, was full of confidence. No awkward, trying to put this arm around me at the movies, no weird sort of hug at the end of the night. If he wanted to hold my hand, he grabbed it. If he wanted a kiss, he just did it. No wishy washy stuff. That's what I like in a guy. A "just do it" attitude.
If I could only find a "just do it" guy that liked me back, we'd be in business!
10 comments:
I used to be exactly like you - give me the go-getter. Fault not. And forget all that is timid. Ungainly in a way.
And while I still feel that way, I've gotta say, the little trips my fiance makes, the small moments when he exposes how he's just human and might have weaknesses (besides chocolate)? Those are the reasons why I love him so. Because it gives me comfort when I'm less than smooth.
Oooo see I like the less smooth guys, I find it endearing.
Although I have also come to realize that the really quiet guys that I used to like don't do it for me anymore so much.
Is there a middle road I ask you?
I agree with myself and nilsa. I like confidencenot, but not smoothness.
You're attraction to confidence is quite normal. In fact, it's probably the #1 thing most women look for. The problem is that the "just do it" guy has become that way because experience has taught him that he CAN "just do it", and women will respond. So why settle for one woman when lots of women are drawn to his confidence? The less confident guy is more likely to be looking for someone to settle down with. So, you see the dilemma.
I totally agree! Confidence, or lack thereof, only gets better/worse with age, too. I think that you should wait until the go-getter comes to get you.
Why do we always want the guy who doesn't totally 100% want us back. I will never get that. I am currently in the same situation but I have the most amazing prospect on the horizon. I am excited about this one. Need to blog about it soon.
Great point. There's a fine balance between good confidence and cockiness, but it makes all the difference. And a guy who lacks confidence can be charming in a sweet sort of way for about fifteen minutes, after which you start to wish he had a backbone.
Oh my.....
Confidence in a man is very SEXY!
Nilsa,Myself & Princess B- I like confidence--smoothness not so much. But maybe that's all part of the package? I don't know. It does even make sense to me most of the time.
Walt- great insight. In defense of Prospect A, he wasn't really a player type. I think he really was looking for something long term and commitment like, I just don't think I was the girl for him. C'est La Vie!
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