Thursday, November 13, 2008

I Killed God Today

...well sort of. You see, what happened was really the cat's fault, but I'll let it slide cause she's cute. I had to open the sliding glass door in my bedroom to let the cat in from the balcony. And in with the cat flew a large palmetto bug. (For those of you not acquainted with palmetto bugs, they are big ass flying cockroaches.) The thing flew right at my face and damn near hit me in the head! I screamed, the cat yelped and we both ran.

The cat and I gingerly approached the bug in the corner of the room where he landed. Neither of us wanted to get too close. Even the All Mighty Great and Powerful Furball didn't want to tangle with the flying monstrosity that was climbing up the wall in my bedroom. Suddenly my Little Voice chimed in.

Little Voice: Okay, let's look at this from a metaphysical perspective. That's not really a big ass flying cockroach, that's just God pretending to be a big ass flying cockroach. (I often tell myself this about things that are frightening to me.)

Me: Looks like a big ass flying cockroach to me and I think the cat agrees. You're out numbered.

Little Voice: There is nothing to be afraid of. They don't even bite. Just usher him back out the door so he can live peacefully. Remember it's really just God....

Me: Alright already, I get it! It's God pretending to be a cockroach and I should let him live. But how the hell are we going to get God back out onto the balcony where he belongs?

My Little Voice was strangely silent on that query. She wasn't that keen on getting near "God" either. The cat looked up at me as if to say "I have an idea." I had one too. I snuck past the creature on the wall and went down stairs for the bug spray.

The Raid spray took care of things in short order and I scooped up the remains and flushed them down the toilet. Next time God shouldn't fly so close to my head looking like a big ass cockroach.

5 comments:

Average Girl In Average World said...

Oh hot damn! Atleast you could keep yourself composed for a short enough time to kill the damn thing. Afte rit come towards my face, I would have not stopped swatting until it was mooshed whether by my shoe, hand, bodyslamming, or shotgun.

And she shutters......

myself said...

oh just .... blehhhhhhhh

Dee said...

Seriously I would have just slept elsewhere in the house for the rest of my life...or moved whichever was easier.

Michael M. said...

A cockroach by any other name is still a cockroach. :) That's funny stuff Diva. Glad you lived to tell the story...

Trish Ryan said...

ACK. So gross. Glad you survived the battle!