Diary of the Two Date Diva

Party Like It's 1989!!!

2008-12-03T05:24:00.000-08:00

This weekend Colorado Beth and I will be attending a 36th birthday party for a friend we grew up with. Our friend's husband decided to make it an 80's extravaganza. CB and I are stoked. Any excuse to get all dressed up like we did in high school is a good one.

However, there is just a couple of problems. First, neither of us can figure out how in the hell we got our hair so BIG! I've been looking at old photos and for the life of me I can't remember the entire routine of how to tease my hair to the point that it stood a foot off of my head. (Which was good for me since I was/am pretty darn short.)

I've also been looking at photos and wondering-- what in the hell were we thinking?!?!? Blue eyeliner, pink stretch pants, and ballet flats??? (I know some of you remember those Sam & Libby shoes!) One trend I'm glad to see that has made a come back is skinny jeans (I recently bought a couple of pairs), freaking awesome is all I have to say. Wait. Rephrase that. Totally awesome dude!

Speaking of coming back, I also found out recently that Hot Topic is selling everything 80's these days. Colorado Beth stopped in and picked up a few items for her party outfit (she's channeling Cyndi Lauper) and she mentioned they had a ton of stuff straight out of our misspent youth. Well, it has almost been twenty years. I guess if you wait long enough, everything really does come back in fashion. Hollister has been selling ripped jeans for several years now. Those were a staple in the 80's. We all wanted to look like Joe Elliot.

As my contribution to the party, I was tapped to come up with a few drinks to be served during the evening. Here is what I came up with. Send me any suggestions you might have, we'd love to use them!

The “Talk Dirty To Me” (aka Dirty Martini)
You’ll be glad you picked this twist on the classic dirty martini as your POISON. They say EVERY ROSE HAS ITS THORN, but we can find anything wrong with this drink. Just don’t imbibe too much or you’ll end up looking like WHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN.

The “Bon Jovi” (aka Kamikaze)
This SHOT TO THE HEART does not GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME, in fact it’s so good that if you drink too many, you might think you’re LIVING ON A PRAYER in the morning.

The “Girl’s Just Want To Have Fun” (aka Cosmo)
This pink concoction lives up to its name and might even snag you a guy to have a little fun with. However, if you don’t find a partner in TIME AFTER TIME, you can SHE BOP your way on home and enjoy the pleasure of your own company.

The “Born In The USA” (aka Scotch and water)
This patriotic drink will have you DANCING IN THE DARK and reliving the GLORY DAYS of Guess Jeans and Reaganomics. So, belly up and drink one for the BOSS.

The “Leppard” (aka Lemon Drop Martini)
Hearken back to the days of the British Invasion of the eighties. LOVE BITES, but this drink is smooth and satisfying. WOMEN will beg you to POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME as you dazzle them in your ripped jeans and super hot mullet a la Joe Elliot and the boys.

The “Wang Chung”
This drink is whatever you want it to be because we never did figure out what the hell a WANG CHUNG was anyway.

The "No Fly Zone"

2008-12-01T06:03:00.000-08:00

Recently a close friend of mine has been going through a pretty rough break up. In midst of the tears and late night chats, we decided to formulate a plan of no contact with her now ex boyfriend. (Which is much easier said than done since they work in the same office, but that's a post for a different time.)

In the spirit of trying to make things as uncomplicated as possible, she and I sat down and mapped out what I like to call the "no fly zones." These are those places the two of you used to frequent together, but might be too painful for a newly broken hearted person to traverse in his/her recently acquired single state. These are also places that you are quite likely to run into the ex with his/her new love interest. These areas make no contact with your former beloved quite difficult and should be avoided at all costs.

Establishing the no fly zone(s) can be as intricate as any military strategy thought up by brilliant generals in battle. Because if you think about it, a nasty break up can be very much like a battle. A battle for your very sanity and soul. You may have to change your driving route into work so you don't drive by his house or you might have to frequent a new coffee shop so you don't see him at the one the two of you used to patronize every morning.

But why should I have to give up the coffee shop? One might protest. Shouldn't he have to find a new place to get his java fix? I would agree that it is best when both parties can agree to the no fly zones and split them up accordingly, but when break ups are hasty and nasty, this doesn't always happen. Besides, as I asked my friend, do you really have to get your non fat, no foam, half caff, vanilla latte from that particular coffee shop? Can't you, for sanity's sake, go to a different place?

Inevidably, when establishing your no fly zones, the question of time limits always comes up. How long should one refrain from their favorite hangouts just to avaid the ex? I usually refrain from old haunts for at least six months. Truth be told, I still have one no fly zone that I avoid, even after being apart from my ex (Frat Boy) for over four years.

Frat Boy and I live in different subdivisions about two miles apart. In between our respective residences, are several new restaurants, a couple of nice coffee shops, and one large grocery store, where I used to shop before we broke up. I gave up the entire area, when we ended things. I knew if I continued to shop and dine there, I would eventually run into him with his new wife. I didn't exactly need that, so I stayed away. I still drive about a mile further in the opposite direction to a different grocery store and I don't patronize any of the restaurants etc. in that area, even though it is within walking distance of my house. Call me crazy, but it's made my life a lot easier. Especially since my ex has/had a terrible habit of getting hammered and showing up on my doorstep at three in the morning. I didn't want to be running into him trying to be friendly (but distant) so he wouldn't get the idea that it was okay to show up at my house unannounced because we were "friends." Since I still have no interest in inviting him back into my life, I continue to stay away so that I'm not running into him everytime I need toilet paper.

Some of my friends think it's a bit odd that I still don't go into that area to shop or hang out, but I consider it a small price to pay for my peace of mind. It's not like I'm missing out on a whole lot by not shopping at one grocery store. So, my question for you all is, what are your no fly zones? Do you have any? Do you still observe them long after a break up?

AWOL

2008-11-25T07:39:00.000-08:00

Yes, I have been AWOL lately. I'm a bad, bad blogger. I admit it. And the crazy thing is, I don't really even have a good reason. Unless, of course you, count the fact I think my office is trying to kill me.

This is always a very busy time of the year for me. I have two large projects due in November and December every year. I'm always very careful to plan ahead and get things done as time permits. But, things never go as planned. This year, in the midst of endless budget reduction exercises, more and more projects kept being handed to me. I am exhausted every day when I leave.

The good thing is that I feel, even as we go through scenarios of eliminating positions, somewhat secure in my job. That is definitely something to be thankful for this year. I can't say too many people feel as I do right now. So, crazy busy is good, right?!?! At least that's what I keep telling myself.

But, no matter how crazy things still are, I promise to get it together and blog more. Besides, you people are way cheaper than therapy! :)

Have a happy holiday!

I Killed God Today

2008-11-13T11:04:00.000-08:00

...well sort of. You see, what happened was really the cat's fault, but I'll let it slide cause she's cute. I had to open the sliding glass door in my bedroom to let the cat in from the balcony. And in with the cat flew a large palmetto bug. (For those of you not acquainted with palmetto bugs, they are big ass flying cockroaches.) The thing flew right at my face and damn near hit me in the head! I screamed, the cat yelped and we both ran.

The cat and I gingerly approached the bug in the corner of the room where he landed. Neither of us wanted to get too close. Even the All Mighty Great and Powerful Furball didn't want to tangle with the flying monstrosity that was climbing up the wall in my bedroom. Suddenly my Little Voice chimed in.

Little Voice: Okay, let's look at this from a metaphysical perspective. That's not really a big ass flying cockroach, that's just God pretending to be a big ass flying cockroach. (I often tell myself this about things that are frightening to me.)

Me: Looks like a big ass flying cockroach to me and I think the cat agrees. You're out numbered.

Little Voice: There is nothing to be afraid of. They don't even bite. Just usher him back out the door so he can live peacefully. Remember it's really just God....

Me: Alright already, I get it! It's God pretending to be a cockroach and I should let him live. But how the hell are we going to get God back out onto the balcony where he belongs?

My Little Voice was strangely silent on that query. She wasn't that keen on getting near "God" either. The cat looked up at me as if to say "I have an idea." I had one too. I snuck past the creature on the wall and went down stairs for the bug spray.

The Raid spray took care of things in short order and I scooped up the remains and flushed them down the toilet. Next time God shouldn't fly so close to my head looking like a big ass cockroach.

Kitty Porn

2008-11-10T07:07:00.000-08:00

Just thought I would delight you all with a cute pic of my fur baby. This is my cat Cozy. When I snapped this pic she was trying to see what this whole web surfing craze was all about. I think she might have been surfing for kitty porn, but who knows? I didn't ask and she didn't tell.

How To Get Rid of A Guy Quickly and For Good

2008-11-06T06:04:00.000-08:00

Make his phone number one of your computer passwords so you can remember it. That'll do it. He'll drop off the face of the earth and never call again. Better than tattooing his name on your ass and a lot less painful.

Gahhhh!!!!

New Perspective On An Old Idea

2008-11-04T07:02:00.000-08:00

Last week, I had an amazing conversation with, of all people, my boss. Now just to clarify, my boss is one of the most intelligent people I know and he has a different point of view on a lot of things. When I mentioned that I would like Friday off to go and vote early, he told me I was ruining the excitement of election day.

"Huh?" I quizzed, with a lot of eye blinking. I didn't get it. How could voting EARLY ruin election day?

He explained that in his home country of Congo (you may have read of the unrest there recently in the news), there are no elections. He did recall one election when he was in college, but he said that because he and other college students voted against the incumbent President, they were beaten when they walked out of the polling booth and their ballots were ripped to shreds. But for the most part, there are no elections. Instead, they tend to have wars.

He talked about what a privilege it is to go and vote on the one day that is designated for voting and how we should never take Election Day for granted. He believes it should be national holiday.

After hearing his story of the one Congolese election he did vote in and hearing him describe how he gets up early on Election Day to be the first voter at his polling place. I was inspired. The man actually gets up at the crack of dawn and celebrates going to vote. What I looked at as an inconvenience of having to stand in line (really early), he sees as an honor and a duty as an American.

So, being inspired by his enthusiasm, I waited to vote until this morning. I got up very early and stood in a very short line with my neighbors to do my civic duty. I didn't feel quite as excited as my boss seems to (could be cause I'm not a morning person), but it felt good to cast my ballot and know that regardless of the outcome, my vote will count. I knew that I wouldn't get beaten up when I left the polling place and life would go on with out a civil war, no matter what. Now THAT is something to get excited about.

Tripping Along

2008-10-28T05:09:00.000-07:00

Ever notice how sometimes things work out perfectly when it wasn't even something you'd planned? Maybe it was even something you planned against! I've been taking notice of these more in my life recently. Some of them are startling.

This week I found out that a job I applied for last summer (and did not get) is being eliminated in the 10% across the board cut my office is taking. Thank God I didn't get the job because the person who did will soon be unemployed.

Recently, I received a letter from the IRS stating that I turned in my 2006 return late and they were assessing me (and my former business partner $400). I turned the issue over to my CPA who sent in the proof that I had not filed late, after all, and did not owe the IRS anymore money. Instead, after he reviewed my return, he realized it needed to be amended and the IRS owes ME an additional $2800. Sweet!

Lately, I've been lamenting and beating myself up about the money I took out of my mutual fund a while back to pay for a few unexpected expenses. I was feeling rather undisciplined about the fact that I have not put all of the money back. Instead, I was putting money in savings. Well, its a darn good thing the money was in savings because when the market dove this month, so did my mutual fund. If I'd put the money back in my fund, I'd have lost it and all of my scrimping and saving would have felt like it was in vain.

Even though some days I feel kind of like a bungling idiot, life still just seems to work out. Go figure. Maybe ignorance really is bliss.

Free Day Friday

2008-10-24T06:47:00.000-07:00

I think I've mentioned before that occasionally, I give myself a free day, where all I do is act on my intuition and I don't plan anything for the entire day. If I feel like eating ice cream for breakfast, I do it. If I feel like walking to work and not driving, I follow that that thought and do it.

You wouldn't believe how freeing, yet how difficult it can be! NOT planning is not my initial reaction. I want to know what I am doing, where I am going ,and what the plan for the day is. However, I'm finding that planning is sometimes a futile effort. There is a season for everything and today is my season for not planning anything and just going with the flow.

So, my cyberpeeps, the challenge for today is to give yourself a free day. Don't plan anything and see where the day takes you. There might just be a huge surprise waiting for you somewhere! Let me know how it goes in the comments section!

If You Need Me, I'll Be In Rehab.......

2008-10-22T07:27:00.000-07:00

..............reading and listening to my ipod. Or at least trying to recover from using them. Apparently, according to this article, reading and listening to music are true addictions. Who knew?!?! I figure since the "in" crowd is all going to rehab to recover from everything from drug and alcohol addiction to an addiction to racial/homophobic slurs, then I should be able to go into rehab for music and reading addictions. Right? Who's with me? But, I don't want to go into regular rehab where they make you clean the toilets and stuff. I want to go to one out in California where you get massages, yoga classes and gourmet meals. Wonder if I could talk my HMO into paying for that?

I don't have the inner ear issue associated with a reading addiction, but I do spend an awful lot of money on books (and music!), so maybe I should check in for a shopping addiction too?! Hey, do they let you stay longer in the rehab/resort if you have several addictions?!

I'm so confused! I think I need some chocolate. OMG, could I be addicted to that too?!? For the love of Pete! No wonder I'm still single. With all of my issues, I'm surprised I make it out of my lounge chair, put my book and my Hershey bar down , and take off my ipod to go into work. Hmmm, maybe if I didn't make it to work I could get sent to one of those rehab/resort places..........

Enjoying the Moment

2008-10-20T07:04:00.001-07:00

I was recently reminded of a Caribbean cruise I took a couple of years ago. That trip taught me about living in and enjoying the moment for what it really is and not worrying about things to come.

My friend (we'll call him Keywest) and I were taking a jaunt around the island of Cozumel on a rented vespa. We had a map and enough gas (we thought) to get all the way around the island. However, we decided to take a detour into the center of the island to check out a ruined Mayan settlement. After wandering through the ruins, we took our time getting back to the main road. We stopped a couple of times along the way to check out little tiki huts with touristy stuff and to have lunch. In our excitement, we forgot to check the gas gauge and and about halfway back to the cruise ship port, we ran out of gas.

Fortunately, we were in this little area called Punta Sur. Keywest spoke just enough spanish to tell one of the locals of our predicament. Keywest was a bit agitated. He was afraid we were going to miss our embarking time back at port. I, on the other had, had somehow found the true Caribbean spirit in my soul and kept telling him things would be fine.

"Oh look, there's a bar! Let's get a beer!" I said.

"Um, we have a bigger problem, than thirst right, now. I'm not sure that guy really understood what I was saying." He replied, shooting me a dirty look.

"He understood, he looked inside the empty tank. " I said, walking toward the bar, where the reggae music and cold Corona beckoned. (I thought the reggae music in Mexico was a bit odd until I realized the name of the bar was Bob Marley House. Go figure.)

"We have to get back to port!" He called after me.

About that time, the local guy walked back up to Keywest and said something about having called a cab to bring us some gas.

"You wait!" He said in broken English.

"See, we have to wait on the gas anyway. We can have a beer and look at the ocean until the gas gets here." I said.

"How long is the wait?" Keywest asked the local man. I think that's what he said. I only know two words in spanish --cervesa and banos. (beer and bathroom--hey, what can I say? Beer makes me pee.)

"Could be thirty minutes, could be three hours, no worries---drink!" The local man replied.

And I obliged. Keywest, however, could not relax. He kept muttering something about missing the boat. Finally, I couldn't stand his funk anymore.

"Look," I said, "I have our passports, I have cash and credit cards. If we miss the boat, we can fly to freakin' Belize and meet the boat there! Just relax and enjoy the view."

We sat in silence on the deck of this little bar in the middle of nowhere and watched the waves roll in and out. It was one of the most gorgeous days I can remember. I felt very quiet and very still for the first time in a long time. I didn't care if I missed the damned boat or not. I was determined to enjoy that moment.

About forty five minutes later, the cab pulled up with our gas and we were on our way. We made it back to port with plenty of time to spare. The Universe provided and all we had to do was sit back and take in the moment.

(There was a quick and hilarious detour to the bathrooms at Bob Marley House that included having to get past a couple of enormous pigs, but that's a story for another time.)

The moral of this story is that sometimes, even when things look their bleakest, you have to stop and enjoy the present moment because if you don't, you just might miss something really beautiful.

Right Now

2008-10-16T06:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, we let ourselves get so caught up in the fear of things that are not real. We fear what COULD happen, what people MIGHT think of us, what happened to OTHER people. We forget to be in the present moment and remind ourselves of the reality of what is NOW. So, in light of all of the crazy stuff going on in the world, I'm reminding myself that...

Right now, all of my bills are paid.
Right now, I am safe and warm and well fed.
Right now, I have great friends and family who love me.
Right now, I have a great job.
Right now, I have everything I need.
Right now, I am healthy.
Right now, life is REALLY, REALLY GOOD!

Insecurity is Unattractive

2008-10-15T06:44:00.000-07:00

I don't care who displays it! It can turn the hottest guy into the most unattractive prospect ever. It can turn the world's most beautiful woman into someone you wouldn't go out with if you were paid.

Not returning a phone call right away does not mean someone doesn't want to talk to you. It means that he/she has a life outside of you! I know that in the past I have jumped to this conclusion when a guy that I really liked didn't call when *I* thought he should. I also realized that *my* expectations were just that-mine. I had no right to hold anyone else to those expectations, especially when I never informed the boy of what those were! I learned the lesson by being called on my crazy behavior and unspoken expectations.

The first time I had this behavior reflected back to me in someone elses behavior, it REALLY clicked. I'm beginning to believe the quickest cure for this behavior is to have someone pull it on you. That's when it finally clicks that maybe, just maybe, the world does NOT revolve around you.

Okay, rant is over. I will now return to my regularly scheduled Pollyanna attitude.

Ten Things I am Grateful For

2008-10-12T18:32:00.000-07:00

1. A snugly kitty who wakes me up just before the alarm goes off

2. Blog buddies who always share their thoughts

3. Amazing family and friends who keep me sane

4. Salt water and beautiful beaches

5. Feeling peaceful in a time of economic turmoil

6. My daily meditation

7. The beautiful view from my balcony

8. October

9. Great co-workers

10. The Travel Channel (for those times when I can't physically get away)

What are the things you guys are thankful for?

Do Nothing.....

2008-10-10T05:45:00.001-07:00

...and everything gets done. At least that's what the Tao Te Ching tells us. I try to practice this seemingly easy mantra in my everyday life, but let me be the first to tell you, it is a lot harder than it sounds.

My understanding of this verse is that we should strive to let go of trying to control everything and let things happen naturally. Okay, very valid point. I get it. Stop controlling. Don't have to tell me twice. Or maybe you do.....

What I find difficult is determining which situations really do need my action and which situations would be best served if I stayed out of them. This is the hard part. For example, if you aren't happy in your job, do you frantically send out resumes for every job that seems to fit your criteria? Or do you wait patiently keeping your eyes open for something to come along without really putting out a ton of effort? Do you date every available man, using every available online dating service or do you just keep your eyes peeled for a nice guy in your every day life?

I struggle between doing nothing and taking action. At what point do you stop wishing for something and start doing something to get it? Karen Luniw of the Law of Attraction Center says that we shouldn't just take any action, she would say take "inspired action." Karen advises listening to those nagging little voices (I've definitely got one of those) and those little inspirations that you get during the day. She believes those are the actions we should be focusing on in order to get us where we are going or to get us what we are asking for. I don't know about you, but this is a lot easier said than done for me because, I have a lot of noise in my head!

So, the struggle continues or maybe the fact that something is a struggle is the problem in the first place. Maybe just doing nothing really is the way to go.

How to Lose A Guy Two Date Diva Style

2008-10-01T19:41:00.000-07:00

I am a smart ass. It is not a new thing. I've always been one,and I can't see me changing now. However, there are definitely times when I wish I could tame my inner smart ass or at least muzzle her on occasion.

Take my reaction to an overenthusiastic date recently. He was gushing over how he was so glad he'd met me and how perfect we seemed for each other. He just loved my sense of humor. Famous last words buddy.

Mr. Over Enthusiastic: I know this is only our second date, but I really feel a connection and I think we should date each other exclusively. I know that I don't want to date anyone else but you. And who knows? Maybe this thing could go on and we could get married one day? Wouldn't that be great? We could do a Match.com commercial! What do you think?

Me: Dude....Marriage? Match Commercial? I really hadn't thought that far ahead. I was just here for the sushi.

It was my poor attempt at humor during a very awkward moment of having a guy I barely knew plan out the rest of our lives together, including a dating commercial. I guess he didn't really like my sense of humor after all. Perhaps it was my impulsive use of the word "dude." Oh well.

And with that, I threw another one back into the eternal dating sea.

Restless

2008-10-01T07:07:00.001-07:00

Lately, I've been feeling a bit restless. I get this way every now and again. I'm not really agitated or upset, but I do get the urge to do something. Anything, actually. It's hard to explain because usually when people feel this way they are upset or worried about something, but I don't feel that way. It's almost like I'm nesting or something.

It could just be that it's fall. I absolutely love this time of the year. It's my favorite without a doubt. Even when I was a kid, the prospect of going back to school in the fall could not dampen my enthusiasm for the cooler weather and the chance to dress up for Halloween. But I digress, this restlessness I'm feeling now is even more than excitement over playing dress up and traipsing about in fallen leaves. It's not a bad feeling, in fact, it's a great feeling. It's like I'm getting ready for something...something really good.

I've been purging myself of unnecessary stuff lately. I've started going through my books and selling them on Amazon. So far, I've made a tidy little profit. I've also sold some furniture I wasn't using on Craig's List and given a crap load of stuff to Goodwill. The more stuff I get rid of, the better I feel. My rationalization is that I'm putting my stuff back out into the universe for other people who need it more than me. (And it's a lot less crap I have to dust!)

How many of you get these restless feelings from time to time and what do you do about them?

Really, Really Bad Day

2008-09-25T13:44:00.000-07:00

If you think you're having a bad day, just remember it could always be worse. This guy's story gives new meaning to having a bad day!

I will never complain about a crappy day again. I'm not sure if this is an "ouch" or a hell of an "oops."

Edited to add: You have to surf over to Chicago Commuter blog and read the ding dong story. Drinking beverages while reading the story is not recommended as they are likely to reappear through your nose. I'm just sayin'!

Clean Up Around Your Own Doorstep....

2008-09-24T18:07:00.000-07:00

...... before you try to sweep around mine! Here is a conversation between myself and a friend about dating. (She is currently waiting for her boyfriend to get out of jail.) She was trying to give me dating advice. God help me.

Friend: You really are going to have to let go of the idea of the perfect man.

Me: I'm not looking for the perfect man, I'm just looking for the guy that will be right for me.

Friend: I just think you're going to have to lower your standards a bit.

Me: You mean like dating guys who are in jail?

Friend: Point taken.

Everybody's a critic!

Questions for Your Soul Mate

2008-09-14T19:53:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered what kinds of questions you should ask to see if someone is your soul mate? People always say they just knew when they'd met the right person. I've always wondered how they "just knew." Was it the answers to a set of questions or was it just a feeling?

This article gave a few great ideas about questions to ask someone to determine if they are your soul mate. I thought these were pretty good. I've even asked a couple of them myself.

What are some of the questions that worked for you to find that one special person? Or did you just know? How did you know?

In Honor of Grandparents Day.....

2008-09-08T18:14:00.000-07:00

I thought I would delight you all with a cute tale about my Grandmother. We'll call it:

Nanny Goes Fishing

My grandmother was always quite a character. She was closing in on eighty years old when this story took place, but she had just as much spunk about her at eighty as I did at twelve. Not to mention, she was a heck of a lot braver and cooler than I was or maybe she was just crazier, you’ll have to decide for yourself.

Fishing was not something out of the ordinary for my family. In fact, for as long as I could remember, my mom, grandmother and aunt were always going fishing and trying to one up each other on their catch. It was always quite the competition every summer. Even when I was a baby, my family would take me with them to the pond behind our house. I can only imagine that I must have resembled a miniature Kojak, complete with a bald head and red lollipops, strapped into my swing-o-matic, happily watching my mom reel in her catch. My mom even made me a fake fishing pole, with a cardboard minnow, so that I could pretend I was fishing too. Fishing was definitely my family’s way of bonding.

The summer that I was twelve was pretty much the same as every other summer except for the buzz going on in our neighborhood about a fish that couldn’t be caught. My family owned a small country grocery store in the tiny community of Beachton Georgia and it seemed that every person that came into the store that summer had a story about having hooked and lost a large bass in the pond behind our house. Even my mom and aunt had their own stories about the “one that got away”. They had gotten into a competition over who could catch the fish earlier in the summer and by August they were still on the hunt and no closer than anyone else to catching the infamous bass. My grandmother (affectionately known as “Nanny” to her grandkids) had listened to the stories from her customers and her daughters with a large amount of skepticism. Nanny wasn’t buying all the hype.

“Miss Maude, I tell you, that was the biggest fish I have ever hooked!” One customer exclaimed to her. “He bit clean through my line!”

“Sounds like you should buy better line,” Nanny quipped.

“You just go down there and see for yourself, I bet you’ll change your tune when you see him in action.” The customer replied. Nanny just pooh-poohed the stories.

The long, hot days of summer seemed to drag on just like the stories of the customers that came into the store. Each fishing tale was slightly different, but yet they were really all the same; they all told of the big fish that no one could catch. The Moby Dick of Beachton seemed to be swimming in the pond just behind my house. From my grandmother’s dismissals of all of the stories, who could have known that she had visions of becoming Ahab?

One afternoon when my mom was gathering up her gear to go fishing, Nanny made a declaration. “I’m going fishing with you this afternoon and I’m going to catch this monster fish everyone has been blabbing on about all summer.”

“Okay,” my mom said, “but don’t be surprised when you walk home empty handed.”

“Humph, I’ve been fishing longer than you've been alive; I think I can catch one little fish.” Nanny snapped.

“It’s not such a little fish,” my mom replied.

“I know, I know,” Nanny said sarcastically, “It’s a whale that can’t be caught!”

Now, by the age of twelve, I had pretty much decided that I didn’t really like fishing anymore, (it was messy) but I loved to take a book and go with my mom just to hang out. Besides, fishing was family time and I always enjoyed going to the pond even if I didn’t partake in the activities. After hearing Nanny throw down the gauntlet, I figured, if nothing else, this fishing trip would be entertaining if not down right comical. The trash talk had already started and we hadn’t even left the house yet. I wasn’t going to miss these festivities for anything. I grabbed a book and followed Nanny and my mom down the path through the woods to the pond.

When we arrived at our destination, I positioned myself underneath a tree where I could both watch and hear the banter between Nanny and my mom. Nanny started out by casting her reel out with her favorite lure on the end.

“Monster fish my foot!” I heard Nanny mutter. “You probably got your line caught on tree stump or something. Maybe you hooked that gator!” She said to my mom.

“I know the difference between a gator and a fish!” My mom snapped, rolling her eyes. I slunk down behind my book and giggled.

The gator Nanny was referring to had been in the pond as long as I could remember. Nanny had even named him “Hog” because he had a huge nose that looked like a pig’s nose. Hog was kind of like a family pet. Every time someone would suggest removing him from the pond, my mom and grandmother would always protest. After all, that would be like stealing someone’s dog. No one could take the gator, he was practically family. He had a name and everything!

“Well,” Nanny continued, “Your big fish doesn’t seem to like my plastic worm. Maybe he would like a little live bait instead.” She laid down her reel and picked up her small cane pole and baited the hook. She put the line out and within a couple of minutes she had a tiny brim on the hook. She removed the tiny fish and proceeded to bait the hook on her reel with it. This was trick I had seen her use many times before. If you want to catch a big fish, she would say, use a little fish. Nanny cast out her line and waited. She didn’t have to wait very long.

I heard the familiar zing of the line when the bass grabbed the bait. Nanny was caught off guard and she actually yelped with excitement. Nanny never yelped, so I knew something was up.

“Get the net!” She yelled. I could tell that whatever Nanny had hooked was pretty big because it was fighting and her reel looked as though it was about to break in two. My mom ran up beside her with the net ready to help her get the fish out of the water once it was close enough into shore. About that time, the fish jumped up out of the pond and we could see just how large it really was. No one had exaggerated about the size of that bass; it was the biggest one I had ever seen. I tossed my book and ran to help, but Nanny had the situation well under control. That fish may have been a fighter, but he had nothing on my grandmother.

Like a seasoned pro, she reeled in the line and then let the fish run a bit. She called this letting him tire himself out. She would reel a little more and repeat the process. Pretty soon, she had the bass almost all the way into shore. The bass jumped with one final lurch and this time, to the horror of all of us, he actually came off of the hook and landed right in the shallow water near Nanny’s feet. Stunned, none of us moved, including the fish. He just lay there completely exhausted from fighting to get off of the line. Suddenly, Nanny did something completely uncharacteristic and a little bit crazy. She literally threw herself down on top of the fish. My mother turned white as a ghost, I thought she might actually pass out. Nanny had just flung herself face down into the water and she couldn’t even swim! My mom and I both ran into the water to help her sit up so she didn’t drown. The fish had regained consciousness and realized that there was a crazy old lady on top of him. He started fighting again. He was too slippery to pick up and put into the net so Nanny just held him down.

In all of the commotion, none of us noticed that the alligator, Hog, had popped his head up out in the middle of the pond. Once he saw the flurry of activity at the water’s edge, he began streaking across the pond toward where Nanny was sitting on top of the bass.

“Uh, Nanny,” I said excitedly, “That gator is coming this way and he is moving fast! You had better get up now!” Nanny was still sitting in the water with the fish between her feet.

“If that gator wants this fish, then he’d better be prepared to wrestle me for him, because I caught this bass and I mean to keep him!” She replied though clenched teeth.

“Mama, let go of that fish and get up out of that water, now!” My mom barked. “That gator won’t wrestle you for that fish; he’ll just eat you both, now get up!”

“Nanny, he is swimming pretty fast.” I warned.

“I’m not letting go of this fish, I caught him and he’s mine!” Nanny yelled back.

“Oh good God!” I heard my mom mutter under her breath. Nanny just sat, holding onto her fish and staring down the gator. The gator kept moving, staring Nanny down. It was like a scene out of a bad western movie. I knew this could get real ugly, real quick, if my mom and I didn’t do something. I frantically looked around for something to throw at the gator to distract him or possibly hit him with if he actually got a hold of Nanny. I didn’t think tossing my book at him would quite do the trick. I picked up the net my mom had dropped in all of the excitement. I figured if we couldn’t get the fish into it maybe I could hit the alligator over the head with it if he grabbed Nanny’s foot. My mom had picked up a big stick and was wielding it like a baseball bat. For a split second, I wasn’t quite sure if she meant to crack the alligator over the head or Nanny. We were a pitiful site, but I poised myself, net in hand, ready for a fight.

Suddenly, as if we both had divine inspiration, my mother and I dropped our weapons, each of us hooked Nanny underneath one arm and dragged her up out of the water’s edge and onto the shore. Nanny was still triumphantly holding onto that damn fish and smiling like she’d won the lottery.

Luckily, getting Nanny and the bass onto land was enough to make the gator stop swimming. My guess was that he didn’t figure Nanny nor the fish was worth actually dragging himself up onto the bank. I didn’t really blame him, I was pretty sure Nanny was ready to go a couple of rounds with him if he decided to challenge her. I was still leery though, so I kept one eye on Hog and one eye on my grandmother as I helped her get to her feet.

“That wasn’t so hard now was it?” she asked. I decided against reminding her she had almost been eaten by an alligator. “Get me that bucket,” she continued. “My work here is done; I’m taking my fish home.”

“There won’t be any more fish around with that gator looming so close,” my mom replied in an irritated tone. “We all may as well go home.”

“You want me to carry the fish for you Nanny, he looks kind of heavy.” I asked, reaching for the bucket in which she had placed him.

“No!” She snapped, smacking the back of my hand. “I caught him and I’ll carry him to the house!” I heard my mom chuckling behind me. I shot her a dirty look and retrieved my book that I had tossed into the bushes when all of the excitement began.
“I’m going to weigh this monster, first thing when we get to the house!” I heard Nanny declare as she walked ahead of my mom and me.

Back at home, we all stood around the scale as Nanny hoisted the enormous fish up on to it. “Eight pounds!” She exclaimed. “That’s the biggest fish ever caught in that pond!”

“Are you going to clean him tonight, Nanny?” I asked.

“Nope, I have a better idea,” she replied with a grin.

The next day, customers stopped and marveled at the site. My grandmother stood behind the cash register and beamed with pride. Nanny, being ever the show woman, decided to place the fish in the big meat cooler that was in our store. She put him in a huge pan and placed it right up front next to the glass, so that everyone walking by the meat counter would see the gigantic fish. She wanted everyone to know just who had snagged the “uncatchable” fish.

“Miss Maude, you bought that fish at the market as a joke. There ain’t no way you went down to that pond and caught that monster we’ve all been trying to catch for weeks!” One customer scolded.

“How did you do it?” Someone else asked. All day long customers came and went in and out of the store and the whole community was buzzing again, but this time it was about how my grandmother had caught the giant fish that no one else could.

Nanny told her story over and over about hooking the bass and fighting him until he was so exhausted he couldn’t swim away even after he jumped off of the hook. She told how she had thrown her body on top of him and held him down until he relented and she triumphed. She conveniently left out the part where my mom and I had to drag her out of the water before the gator got her, but what the heck, it was her story. My mom and I never said a word. We just smiled and winked at each other.

I’m not sure if there really was a lesson to be learned from this fish tale; other than do not mess with a little old lady on a mission to catch a fish. However, if anything, I did begin to see Nanny in a whole other light. I always viewed her as the ever quick witted, but somehow very serious parental figure that held our family together like super glue. After this little excursion, I saw her as the pretty cool chick that she really was and the kind of person I hoped to become (minus the gator wrestling aspirations, of course).

Another Day, Another Deal Breaker

2008-09-04T11:20:00.000-07:00

Confidence is a must have for me in a man. This little revelation hit me like a bus recently. Apparently, for me, it's one of those hidden deal breakers you don't realize is there until you fall over it. This all became very clear to me while dating Prospect A and Prospect B(AKA "The Cuddler", that's a story for a different post).

If you remember in a previous post, I alluded to the fact that there was something missing with Prospect B that I couldn't quite put my finger on. And even though Prospect A seemed to be less into me, I was still more attracted to him than I was Prospect B, who was completely into me. I finally figured out the difference was confidence level.

Prospect B didn't seem to have much experience with women and even though he did everything "right" (ie calling, showing up on time, etc), he always seemed like he was checking things off of a list.

Hug after the second date: check
Held hands on the third date: check
Put arm around her on the third date: check
Kiss on the fourth date: check

I felt like I was in high school! There didn't seem to be any spontaneity that comes with confidence in yourself. Everything seemed very scripted. He seemed very afraid of making the wrong move too soon. His lack of confidence was not very appealing to me. In fact, it became a huge turnoff.

Prospect A, on the other hand, was full of confidence. No awkward, trying to put this arm around me at the movies, no weird sort of hug at the end of the night. If he wanted to hold my hand, he grabbed it. If he wanted a kiss, he just did it. No wishy washy stuff. That's what I like in a guy. A "just do it" attitude.

If I could only find a "just do it" guy that liked me back, we'd be in business!

Learning How to Live

2008-09-02T07:45:00.001-07:00

After my very spontaneous weekend of driving down to Cocoa Beach to check out their annual surfing festival, I can say that I am truly learning how to live! Who needs plans and reservations and crazy stuff like that!?!?! Just get in the car, pick up a friend and drive down to see what trouble you can get into.

I didn't actually get into any trouble mind you, but I did enjoy getting to the beach and checking out the HOTT surfer dudes. If only I were a few years younger. But I digress. The weekend was great and I even got a little sun and some much need time to relax on the beach.

The water was too turbulent to swim much, but the weather was great once the showers passed. The surf was so loud that even the sounds of the Marleys (Bob and Ziggy) pouring through the ear buds of my ipod could not drown it out. (Thank you Tropical Storm Hannah and Hurricane Gustav!)

All in all, even with the crazy weather in the Gulf and the Caribbean, it was a great weekend. Eating amazing food and drinking great beer on a beach can't be beat. Maybe that's why they call it paradise?!?!?

That's living my friends!

Perspective....It's a Beautiful Thing!

2008-08-27T06:21:00.000-07:00

I will never complain again about the types of men I attract! After reading messages boards and dealing with friends I know who have attracted a few losers, I've come to realize I'm not in bad shape at all.

I've never attracted any real weirdos to speak of. I've mostly gone out a few guys who weren't sure what they wanted or who weren't all that into to me or visa versa. I've never gone out with any serial killers, abusers, drug addicts, pedophiles, or all around psychos. I've actually dated pretty normal guys, with the occasional strange personality thrown in for kicks. (I'll have to blog about the The Sniffer one day.)

Listening to the trials and tribulations of a few people I know, has only increased my awareness that we really do wind up attracting other people into our lives based on what "vibes" we are putting out. For example, a person very close to me recently went through the ending of a long term relationship, to which she responded by jumping into a long distance relationship with someone new a month later. She recently moved in with this person (that she's known for less than six months)and has now gone through two MAJOR betrayals of trust. And still she wants to be with him. I'm pretty sure her vibe of desperation and just wanting to be with someone (anyone) attracted this unworthy character to her. This is the reason your friends/therapists/sisters tell you to deal with your grief and other issues before jumping into a new relationship!

In any event, I feel as if I am at least on the right path, minus a Sniffer or two, I haven't made any really bad choices so far. I just gotta deal with my own vibes. Possibly the one dealing with my own freedom issues?!?!?!

Question of the Day

2008-08-21T06:02:00.000-07:00

Exactly when do you tell a guy about your little blogging habit? I'm having a difficult time with this one. There *may* be a cute boy that I have been spending time with whom I'm beginning to feel the need to divulge my writings to. However, I'm not sure when this is appropriate or how to even bring up the subject. I don't want to spook the boy.

I know some of you bloggers out there have written about who you've allowed to read your blog, and some of you have decided not to tell family or significant others about your writings. So, who do you guys tell and when do you tell them? Especially when you are dating and your blog is about dating!!!!

It's not like I'm chronicling my sexual history or bad mouthing people I've gone out with. Mostly I pose crazy questions and write about my personal observations on trying to date in your 30's. I have no guilt about my blog, in fact, I've corresponded with some pretty cool people because of it. (Not to mention you guys give better advice than some therapists.) I'm just not sure I'm ready to put it out there and be judged for it.

Anyone else have a similar dilemma? Advice (and smartass comments) welcome.

Damn This Town Is Getting Too Small....

2008-08-18T12:17:00.000-07:00

I was on a Sunday afternoon date at a small sandwich shop around the corner from my house and guess who I run into? I saw a guy that ghosted on me last month (actually last month was the second time he ghosted on me), on a date with another girl! It was rather awkward, to say the least.

For the love of Pete, date on your own side of town, Casper!

Relationship Expert Maria Grazia Swan's Blind Date

2008-08-14T13:22:00.000-07:00

Maria Grazia Swan
Check out Boomer Babes

I like tall men. I don’t mean Shaq tall, I mean about 5’10 to 6’. I think it has to do with the fact that I’m short. I’m about 5’1, and that’s only if I fluff my hair, otherwise my height drops below 5’.

This obsession with men’s height goes back to my teen years. It has to do with crowds. You see, if I walk in a crowd alone or with a short man, I feel like I’m suffocating, smothered, and above all, unnoticed. But walk through that crowd with a tall guy and voila, it’s like the parting of the Red Sea. I like that feeling a lot so before going on a blind date I always inquire about height.

This blind date happened in a very unexpected way. I was shopping with my best friend Jen and as usual, she checks the racks of clothes with one hand while the other hand is busy texting. I hate that habit of hers. I had no idea who she was ‘conversing with’ but she had a big grin on her face so I figured it had to be a man. When she turned around and winked at me, I knew she was up to no good. Now I’m paying attention, I’m actually elbowing her and mouthing, “Who are you talking to?”

She is totally ignoring me while her fingers ate tapping so fast I expect
smoke to rise from that phone any minute now. Jen waits until we get to the car before telling me the news, we have a date for that evening; “Smile girl,” she says, “we are going to double date.”

Now, like I said, Jen is my best friend but that doesn’t mean we share the same taste when it comes to men. I remind her of that, but she isn’t letting go, she is on a mission. “You owe me one,” she says,” remember that time I told your mom you were spending the night at my house?” I remember and I want to forget so I agree, but I want to know how tall my date is. I’m keeping my eyes on the road and my hands on the steering wheel and I hear Jen sighing, then her fingers are tapping away on that phone again. “5’11,” she says, I sense a hint of arrogant satisfaction in her voice.

That evening I’m wearing my brand new platform shoes and my gauzy dress, and I sit and wait for Jen to pick me up with our dates. Time goes by, no Jen. My cell buzz and I know is Jen. “ It’s me, look I’m sorry, I need to stay home and watch my kid sister, my mother had to go back to work. I’m sending Skip to pick you up and we can hang around here until my mom gets back then we’ll catch a movie or something, okay?”
It’s not okay, but she already disconnected and I know she won’t answer if I call back. I’m fuming! Who the hell is Skip? Now there is a text message on my phone, “Skip is your date, take your time, my sister is in bed, and I’m headed that way with Charles.”

Shit, that’s Jen for you. I hear an engine by the drive way and I peek from the mini blinds. A red Audi is parked by the house, I don’t see anyone in the car, then a car door slams, I wait, nothing. OMEGOD! A child like person walks around the car, coming toward my front door. He takes little steps, what else can he do with such short legs. Then it hits me, damn you Jen. That’s why she isn’t here; she knows I’ll kill her. I’m still standing by the window, frozen, what now? The doorbell chimes. I’m not moving, I’m holding my breath, afraid he’ll hear me breathing. This is a scene worth of a funny commercial, I’m surprise the little man can reach the door bell, maybe he carries a folding stool. He rings the doorbell again. I’m feeling like a miserable coward. I quietly remove my platform shoes, tiptoe to my bedroom and close the door. I don’t know when he finally gave up and left but I turned off my cell phone and didn’t speak to Jen for a whole week.

I Knew It Wasn't All My Fault!

2008-08-13T15:07:00.000-07:00

I knew there had to be another reason why I pick all the wrong men. ;) Well, I'm not really sure I buy the sniff test theory, but this article was interesting anyway. What do you all think?

It's Nice to Know You Have Someone Looking Out For You

2008-08-06T07:04:00.000-07:00

.....even if he is only five years old. My neighbor has the cutest little boy ever. (We'll call him Tommy to protect the cute and the innocent.) He's always coming over to my house and wanting to hang out, have a snack and watch TV. Tommy has a huge crush on me and has to hug me every time he sees me. I swear he can sense when I'm leaving the house because he always comes running from out of no where to get a hug.

This weekend, I had a dinner date with a cute boy I've gone out with a couple of times. As we were getting into my date's car, Tommy comes running out of his house calling my name and asking for a hug. He ran over, hugged me and proceeded to look my date up and down.

"Are you guys going out to dinner?" Tommy asked with his innocent little face staring up at my date.

"Yep, we sure are." I replied.

"Well," he said, placing his hands on his hips, scrunching up his nose and looking my date square in the eye, "you'd better be nice to her!"

Nice to know that at least someone has my back.

Nothing Like a Piano On Your Head to Make a Point

2008-08-03T20:32:00.000-07:00

It's a Sunday afternoon and I find myself running around getting ready for a date with a boy we'll call Prospect A. He called (last minute) and wanted to meet up for a beer and a bite to eat. Just seeing his name on my cell phone made my heart flutter. I really dig Prospect A. The only problem is that I don't think Prospect A digs me quite as much as I dig him. He never plans in advance, his calls are always last minute. He never really seems to have time to do things when I want to. Everything is on his schedule.

Fast forward a couple of days and I get a call from a boy we'll refer to as Prospect B. He calls on Wednesday to ask if I have plans for dinner on Friday night. I give him a definite maybe because I'm really hoping that Prospect A calls and wants to meet up. Prospect B is really into me. I can tell because he always calls when he says he will, he makes plans in advance, and he always makes time for me. His intentions are crystal clear. He actually wants to date me. The problem here is that I don't dig Prospect B as much as he does me. This is the story of my freakin' love life and personally, I'm sick of it!

I recently read an article on Match.com (go here to read the article) about a writer with a similar problem. It really hit home. I always seem to be into the guy that's not all that into me. Dating both of these guys at the same time has hammered that fact home to me kinda like getting hit on the head. Really. Hard. By a big 'ol piano.

Not only does it not make sense in the real world that I should be more into Prospect B, but it makes more sense on paper as well. Prospect B is closer to my age, wants most of the same things in life that I do, is actually cuter than Prospect B and he is into me.

So what the heck is my problem?

The Adventure of the Cable Guy Who Screamed Like a Girl

2008-07-31T17:47:00.001-07:00

When I heard the cable guy screaming, I was standing in my kitchen. I couldn't see out of the back door to see what was going on , but it didn't sound good. All I could hear was his wailing. I ran to the back door to find him running in circles in my back yard waving his arms and well....screaming like a little girl.

At first, I thought he might have seen a snake or something, but I figured if he'd spied a reptile, he would have run away. He wouldn't be dancing in circles. Then it dawned on me...he'd run into a spider web. A.Big.One.

Down here in Paradise, we have these really big ass arachnids called banana spiders. They build huge webs, sometimes as wide as five or six feet across (I've had them span my entire driveway). The spiders themselves can grow to about three inches in length. These things are freakin huge. And scary looking. Just ask the cable guy.

The poor guy had run into one of the webs and he was frantically dancing around trying to get the spider off of him. I ran outside to help. It truly must have been a comical site for any of my neighbors who were at home. The cable guy was screaming and running in circles and I was chasing him trying to get him to stop so I could get the spider off of him. I was also trying not to laugh or pee my pants. (Not as easy as it sounds!)

"It's on your hat!" I yelled at him to get him to stop running. He stopped abruptly (as I ran smack into him) and threw his hat out into the woods. I tried to help him get the rest of the web off of his clothing, but he was shaking so badly, I couldn't really help. He couldn't stand still. Poor guy. He refused to go get the hat. He said the spider could have it.

Well, at least he cured my blog block for the day! Check out the pic of the banana spider above. Would you want that thing on you?

She Who Cares the Least Wins

2008-07-24T06:39:00.000-07:00

I have an ex boyfriend (Frat Boy) who used to say "He who cares the least wins." He believed this about business negotiations as well as relationships. He always seemed a bit aloof about our relationship as if he would be fine if things ended and his world would not change. I kind of thought he meant it. He was pretty good actor.

During our sometimes long and drawn out discussions about whether we should continue to date/get married/have babies, I would always remind him that I was fine before we met and that I would be fine if we broke up. I DID mean it.

Flash forward a year and a half after we ended things. I hadn't called or contacted him. I even stopped shopping at a grocery store that we both frequented. I wanted a clean, healthy break.

However, skippy wasn't doing quite as well as he thought. After rushing into a bad marriage, he found himself on my doorstep hammered and crying, asking for a mulligan. Umm.... yeah, probably not, but thanks for playing. Maybe he should have changed it to SHE who cares the least wins.

Dating Made Simple

2008-07-23T05:47:00.001-07:00

I think I may have accidentally stumbled onto the secret of making dating easy and dare I say it....fun. Yep, you read that right. I used the "F" word in the same sentence as the word "dating." The world must seriously be coming to an end. But I digress.

What is this illusive secret you ask? I call it the "Being Too Busy To Give A Crap Approach." (Hereafter referred to as "The Approach.") Gone are the days of checking my match.com account obsessively to see how many emails and winks I've gotten. No longer do I check my email inbox every five minutes to see if that cute boy I've been corresponding with has emailed me back. I don't check the phone 50 times a day to see if there is a message from some boy I had coffee with. I don't spend hours each night searching to see if there are any new prospects online. I really just haven't had the time nor the inclination. And you know what? I'm freakin' happy!

The crazy thing is, that I haven't lacked for dates or other things to do. I'm actually trying to find the time to just sit home and veg out. Maybe it's just that it's summer and there's a lot going on, but I'm finding that not caring or having time to wonder about dating seems to have ensured that my dance card is pretty full.

The last time I found myself using The Approach was by accident. That time, I was actually not dating at all and I wound up meeting Frat Boy and getting into a 5 year relationship. Colorado Beth had a similar experience once she decided to move back to Florida. Right after she decided what she wanted she met a guy in Colorado. Go figure. Maybe that's what every one means when they say stop looking and you'll find it.........

California Dad Blogs!

2008-07-22T18:38:00.000-07:00

He finally decided to get in on the action. Check out his blog at Jerry's Posterous

I Need A Nap!

2008-07-22T05:29:00.000-07:00

I'm beat! It's been a crazy couple of months with people moving away and needing help with the packing and people moving home and needing to celebrate. Anyway, I'll be back to my normal blogging habits very soon. I have a few new dating exploits and a couple of disappointments to catch you up on. I'll be back to my old self pretty soon. Right after my nap.............

Dating Advice From Discovery in Passion

2008-07-15T05:32:00.001-07:00

Posted by Shelia Stewart----

Dating.

To some, that word alone draws terror deep within the core of their being. The idea of going out with a total stranger, trying to come up with intelligent conversation and hopefully not come off looking like a complete fool is very stressful. There’s the pre-date prepping that sometimes makes the most normal person go into a psychotic rage. What do I wear? Will this outfit make me look easy? Will it make me look dowdy? Doe it make me look fat? How should I do my hair? Should I wear it up, or down? It takes hours to prep for a first date. You want to give the right impression because we all know that first impressions are the most defining. And then there are the worries like: What if this guy is a complete loser? How do you walk away in the most polite way without making a complete fool of yourself?
By the time you reach your destination, ready to meet your date, you’re a complete mess on the inside.

Dating is hell!

You can’t avoid the pre-date mayhem. Unless you’re a slug you’ll worry about your hair, your clothes, your make-up and everything from your breath to your shoes.
But you can go into it with a few key things in mind. Here is my list of do’s and don’t in dating.

Do: If you’re going out for dinner then a movie, dress for the restaurant. There is nothing more awkward than showing up at a nice restaurant in jeans and a t-shirt when most everyone else is wearing dresses, suits and ties. It’s okay to show up at the movies in a nice dress, it is not okay to show up at a glitzy restaurant in a t-shirt, shorts and flip flops.

Don’t: Show up naked! Unless of course you’re expecting to jump his bones the instant you connect. But if you’re going to dinner, restaurants have a no shirt, no shoes policy and they tend to shy upon their patrons showing up in their birthday suit. Make sure to shower, do your hair, brush your teeth before leaving the house. Showing up looking like Frankenstein’s bride is not a good first impression. Unless of course you’re dating Frankenstein. LOL

Do: Meet the person at your destination. If you’re going out to dinner, meet there. Take your own car, that way if the date isn’t going well, you can leave at any time and not worry about having the guy drive you home. Especially if he’s a letch or the most boring human being in the world. It’s just awkward having him drive you home after a disastrous date.

Don’t: Get into your dates vehicle if the windows are blacked out, especially if it’s a van and you have never met the person before. If this is Mr. Right, why the hell is he driving a creepy van? Think about it. Run woman, run now!!

Do: Make sure to bring your purse with I.D. and method of payment such as Debit card, cash or credit cards. Even if the gentleman has offered to pay for your dinner and movie, if the date is a failure and you want to leave early, you can pay for your meal and leave. Plus, offering to pay for your own way shows the gentleman that you are independent and not looking for a man to suck dry.

Don’t: After the meal is finished and your date leans back, unsnaps the top button of his pants, belches and say’s, “Pay the bill, Bitch!” This is a clue to get the heck out of there. DO NOT think you can change the man! There are plenty of fish in the sea. Grab a pole and start fishing.

Do: Think positive! Even if you were set up on this date and you have never met the person, go into it with a positive attitude. If he turns out to be Mr. Wrong, no harm, no foul. Take away from the situation a learning experience.

Don’t: Serial killers make horrible dates. Trust me, if you’re not his next victim you’ll always be worrying you might be. Once again, DO NOT think you can change the man! Your powers are not that great.

Meeting a man at the bar isn’t the greatest method of finding someone either. Don’t assume just because you gave him your number that he will remember who you are the next day. Believe me, I know this from experience.
My very first date was with a man a few years older than myself. We met at a wedding. He’d had plenty to drink yet I stupidly gave him my number anyway. I was giddy with excitement the next day, waiting for him to call me back. And when he finally did, I was beyond nervous and excited. He took me back to his parents place (real winner, I know, still living with his mommy and daddy at twenty three) and proceeded to tell me he had no idea who I was. He couldn’t remember what I looked like. He’d woken that morning, hung over and found my name and number on a piece of paper. He called it, thinking I couldn’t be half bad (he hoped). Gee, that made my heart go pitter pat. Yet…I dated the creep for over six months. In that six months he cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend and got her pregnant and didn’t tell me. I found out from my friend who heard it from the ex-girlfriends mouth.
We broke up and I started dating his best friend. Another loser, who cheated on me several times, with hookers no less. Dumped his ass the instant I found out.
Being jaded, I decided men were not worth the trouble and told myself I didn’t need a man.

In walks prince charming. Okay, so he wasn’t exactly prince charming as in the fairy tale prince, but he’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. We met slinging burgers and became friends. He was my age, which was rare for me since my other dates were several years older than me. He drove a motorcycle, wore a leather jacket and was in the militia. And before I knew it, I was falling in love. He was everything I could want in a man and more. He was funny, sweet, romantic, and he had that added bad boy appeal. But most of all, he was my friend. Twenty two years later, he is still my best friend. I married that sweet, funny romantic bad boy and haven’t looked back since. We have three wonderful children together, and a life I never would have imagined back when we first met at the age of seventeen.

So my dating advice for the day is….Get to know the person, hang out with them, find out who they really. Become friends before becoming lovers. It’s worked for me for twenty two years.

What Christie Brinkley and I Have in Common

2008-07-14T05:33:00.001-07:00

......and it ain't that we're both supermodels. Nope, Christie and I have something a bit more disturbing in common. It seems that we are both attracted to narcissistic men.

If you have been in a coma or under a rock, you might not be aware of Christie's divorce trial. I haven't even been keeping up with it (I'm not a celebrity watcher), but even I know some of what has come out of the court room. Apparently, according to some shrink who testified, Christie has bad taste in mates and she is attracted to narcissistic men who need their egos fed constantly. Yeah, well Christie, join the club honey.

Christie's plight to get out of her horrible marriage hit a bit close to home for me. I've never been married to a narcissist, but I've definitely dated a couple of them. In fact, if I have a "type" that I am most attracted to, narcissistic boys would be right up there, right next to athletic and smart.

It's not the narcissism that's attractive; it's the facade in front of it that can be alluring. The really talented narcissists are very good at hiding their true nature. These men tend to be very ambitious and successful. They can make you think they can handle and do just about anything they put their minds to. This can be very attractive to a woman who is a nurturer to a fault, a woman who is used taking care of everything and everyone around her. It's a beautiful fantasy that you've finally met a man who can nurture you and take care of you in those times when you need it most. I don't know very much about Christie Brinkley, but I do know myself and I'd bet money she, like me, is used to taking care of everyone but herself. That's how the narcissist gets in, with the promise of being a real equal partner. Someone to help take care of you for a change. But, that's never how it turns out.

Why do intelligent, beautiful women fall for these creeps, you ask? The thing about narcissists is they know how to sell it. When a narcissistic guy pursues you he doesn't come off full of himself and self absorbed. The courting phase is all about you. He will make you think that he is completely into you and will be there for you no matter what. He may even hold your hand when your pet dies or bring your mother flowers, but in the end, all of his wooing and romantic gestures are really more about him than about you. That's the difference between a narcissist and a nurturer. A nurturer does things for you because he cares about you. A narcissist does things because he thinks there's something in it for him.

With these types of men, it's not about bonding and building relationships. It's about what he can get out of those relationships. He dates you because you are a wealthy supermodel who can advance his career with your money and influential friends. He dates you to make him look better to his buddies. He dates you because you are educated and acceptable to his social group (or one he is trying to break into). He dates you because you are what his peers consider marriage material. Marrying/dating you can get him noticed and/or favored with clients, bosses, or others he thinks can help him get ahead. He dates you because you are twenty years his junior and his money/good looks/influence allow him to woo you and make him look like "the man" to his friends. He dates you because you are a nurturer who supports him and boosts his ego. He dates you because you have something to offer him, not the other way around.

The ones that are really good at hiding their true agenda can do so for years, as was probably the case with Christie's soon to be ex. They can even make you think that everything that is wrong in the relationship is really all your fault. His business failures are about your lack of support. His affairs with numerous women are because you made him feel less manly by asking him to change a diaper or two when you had the flu. He's not a philandering jerk, you're a high maintenance, demanding shrew. And many times, we women actually buy these excuses and take the blame on ourselves. And that's why we stay and we ignore.

However, sometimes, the proverbial piano falls on your head. Some guy walks up to you at a graduation and tells you that your husband is sleeping with his teenage daughter. That shit is hard to ignore. It's in these times that you begin to see the whole picture. Too bad Christie's picture included one affair with a teenager and $3000 a month in porn subscriptions.

Thankfully, I've come to be able to recognize narcissistic tendencies before I get into a relationship with a man. Once you've been bitten you are definitely twice shy. I just hope Christie Brinkley has learned to pay attention to the red flags and she doesn't repeat the same mistake again.

Don't Go Away Mad.... Just Go Away

2008-07-09T17:26:00.001-07:00

**Bonus points if you know where the headline comes from! **

This week I went through an ordeal that most online daters absolutely dread worse than the plague. I had to tell a guy that we weren't a good match. He was a really nice guy, but I didn't really feel a ton of chemistry with him on our first meet and there was just something about him that I didn't think would fit well with my personality. I couldn't put my finger on what it was after our lunch date, but I knew there was something there (or not there).

He asked me out for a second date and then flip flopped after he had a bad date with another woman the same week he met me. He took her to dinner, she got hammered and embarrassed him. He called me to cancel our date saying he'd rather have lunch a few more times before we did the whole dinner and drinks outing. Since I wasn't really feeling a ton of chemistry anyway, and really not wanting to be punished for the sins of some other chick who couldn't follow proper dating etiquette, I emailed him back and said thanks, but that I wasn't sure we were a very good match. Of course, I didn't give him a reason for our not being a good fit, I just gave him a simple and polite "no thanks." I figured that would end it all.

But no, he sent me a flurry of emails wanting to explain his position and insisting that he knew better than I did how I felt about him. Apparently just because I was nice and polite on our lunch date (and did not drink 5 martinis), that proved I had feelings for him that I didn't even know I had. The crazy thing is...I didn't even flirt with the guy during our lunch! (Note to self: turn down the charm to about 50% on first meets.)

Persistence can be cute and lovable if done correctly. Some guys can pull it off quite well and get another chance. Some persistence can be down right annoying (as evidence by the above mentioned guy's irritating tactics). Some men who can't take no for an answer can be down right creepy, like Border's Guy looking me up and calling me out of the blue. And continuing to call even after I told him not to. Persistence, like chemistry, is a fleeting thing.

In any event, it seems like my instincts were correct about the bad match thing. The dude seems like he might be a bit of a control freak. He's insisting that I give him three good reasons why I don't think we are a good pair. Say it with me people......Oh. My. God. This type of behavior is why people are afraid to reject someone and generally choose to disappear instead. Too bad I didn't just ghost myself. Damn my manners.

Maybe It Ain't All About Me

2008-07-07T06:00:00.000-07:00

In every situation that doesn't always turn out to my liking (dating or otherwise), I am the type of person that tries to look back on things with a subjective eye to see what I could have done differently. Sometimes I can get a bit too critical and end up beating myself up over some perceived gaffe on my part that may or may not even be relevant to the situation. I think we all do this to some extent, especially in relationships.

When someone doesn't react as we thought they would or if someone decides not to see us again even after a great couple of dates, we tend to look at ourselves and ask "What went wrong? What did I do?" However, as I am slowly learning the hard way, it might not always be about me.

You may remember a few months back I went out with a guy who asked me out for a third date before the end of the second one, and gave me an awesome good night kiss. I lamented about this date in the A Kiss is Still A Kiss post. I have to admit that I spent a couple of days going over that date in my head trying to figure out what I could have done wrong to cause the guy to flake out on me and never call back. Even though, logically, I knew I hadn't done anything wrong. If I had, he most likely would not have asked me out for another date. He would have just gotten in his car and left. So, what happened? Who knows? And frankly, who cares? It ain't about me.

Recently, I had a similar incident. A few weeks ago I had two great dates with a guy that ghosted on me a year ago. In my quest to date out of my box, I gave him another chance. And wouldn't you know it? He ghosted again. He called me and canceled a date we had planned and he's never called or emailed again. Why did he ghost? Again, who the hell knows? But the point is, it really doesn't matter because it has nothing to do with me.

I could sit and suppose why he would cancel and agonize over every conversation we had, but what would be the point? He ghosted because he wanted to and that's what matters. The amazing thing is, once you let go of blaming and questioning yourself, it's very easy to let go of the whole situation. Once you allow people to be responsible for their own actions, the "why" of it all no longer really matters and it's easy to shrug your shoulders and move on.

Once you get it that it's really not all about you, the world of dating looks a whole lot different.

Can You Change Your Type?

2008-07-04T11:08:00.000-07:00

Talking with a friend this week, we wound up in a discussion surrounding types of people we date. She made the comment that the type of guy she tends to be attracted to does not seem to be attracted to her. She mentioned how time and time again, she will go out with these guys who are environmental activists or neo-hippie types who live alternative lifestyles which she finds intriguing. She said all of the guys start out as if they are interested in her, but in the end, each guy stops dating her. She said a couple even told her that her lifestyle was too centered on consumerism. (Whatever that means!)

It made me wonder, what do you do if you find that the type of person you are most attracted to does seem to find you attractive? I began thinking about all of those eighties teen movies, where the nerdy guy or girl was in love with the captain of the football team or the head cheerleader. (Think Pretty in Pink.) In many of those movies, the nerdy person in question was able to get the attention of the objection of his or her affection and somehow change the circumstances and the captain of the football team would eventually realize he really was attracted to the nerdy girl. Of course, life ain't exactly like the movies.

As for myself, I know that there are certain types of men that I will never be attracted to. Even if those men are the nicest guys in the world, find me very attractive and pursue me, I just can't do it. I've dated enough to know these men when I meet them and I often never let things get beyond one date (if it goes that far).

So, what do you do if you find yourself attracted to a type of person that is not attracted to you? Can you change who you are attracted to? What do you all think?

Welcome to Florida!

2008-07-01T14:36:00.000-07:00

....we don't bite, we promise. This is one of our local critters taking a stroll across the road, looking for a a new watering hole. I jumped out of the car to snap this shot, but the little guy was camera shy and didn't stick around to have his 15 minutes of fame. Oh well!

How Job Hunting Is A Lot Like Online Dating

2008-06-23T05:48:00.002-07:00

Since last summer, I have been looking around for a new job. I pulled out the old resume, dusted it off, loaded it into Monster and Career Builder and started surfing to see what was out there. I even updated my State of Florida application in our online state website and perused through there to see if there were any state jobs out there that would tickle my fancy (and pay me at least what I make now). Over a year later, I'm still looking around getting very little action.

I don't think the problem is a down trodden economy or the lack of jobs. I think the problem might be the new way of job searching. It reminds me of online dating. You go online and find a few jobs that interest you. You do your homework and make sure you meet all of the requirements for the positions and you hit the "apply now" button to send them your awesome resume and cover letter. You wait for the offers to roll in. And you wait and wait and then wait a little more.

If you do get a response that even tells you they got your resume, you are lucky. More often than not, you hear nothing. Or you might get the equivalent of the OLD, "thanks, but no thanks" email that tells you someone else was chosen and they will keep your resume on file.

The new apply online approach makes it very hard to stand out in the sea of resumes that employers get for each job. I've seen it happen in the office where I work now. 500 or so people will apply for one job using the online application process. Because it is so easy to just push a button and apply, many times, people will send in an application when they don't even remotely meet the qualifications. The poor administrative assistant saddled with the task of going through the applicants will print out the first 20 or so that meet the qualifications and schedule a few interviews. The other 400 or so people are out of luck. Their applications never even get reviewed. The "selection" of applicants is based more on where your resume ended up in the pile than if you were really the most qualified.

There doesn't really seem to be a way differentiate yourself from the crowd anymore. You used to be able to make your resume stand out by using really nice paper or writing a kick-ass cover letter. But in this new electronic age, I'm not sure half of the resumes even get looked at. There's just too many.

Back in the day, you actually had to print out the resume (on really nice paper) put it in an envelope with a nicely written cover letter and mail the thing to an actual person. I think the fact that you actually had to pay to mail your resume out and take the time to package it up might have made the difference. Since all we have to do is push a button these days, the process of applying might be "too" easy.

The whole process smacks of the complaints I see about online dating. Men and women get frustrated with sending out emails (cover letters) and hoping the person he/she is interested in takes the time to check out his/her profile (resume) and initiate a meeting (interview). Didn't find a good dating candidate? Go back to the pile and pull out a few more. See the similarities?

Again, I don't think the problem is necessarily that the dating scene is bad. I think sometimes you just get overloaded with possibilities. Some people just get overloaded with looking at profiles and managing emails and winks that really good dating candidates might fall through the cracks. The "click a button to get a date" process has made it a little too easy.

Perhaps our "instant gratification", "get it now", "push a button and make it happen" society has created a few problems along the way to making our lives easier. Maybe some things were better when they required a bit more work.

Gettin Out of My Dating Box

2008-06-16T06:47:00.000-07:00

In one of her comments, Average Girl challenged me to think about dating guys that aren't my "type." As I pondered her suggestion, I couldn't quite figure out what my type is. I don't have many deal breakers in dating, I'm pretty open to dating just about anyone. I don't want to waste time with men who are only separated or who don't ever want to have kids. I also don't date smokers or self professed animal haters. But other than that, I'm fairly open minded.

However, I do have preferences that are based on past experience. I prefer men who are within 10 years of my age and who are my age or a bit older. Past dates have taught me I don't have a ton in common with younger men or men that are way older than me. I also prefer to date men 5'10" and under. I won't turn a date down with a tall guy, but shorter is a preference.

So, to broaden my horizons, I'm starting my own Date Out of the Box Dating Challenge. I've put my online profile back up and I'm getting rid of my preferences. I'm going to date men that I normally would turn down. I'm going to ignore my preferences and see what happens.

I started this past weekend. I went out with a guy that I fell out of touch with last year. Normally, I have a "no be backs" rule. If something didn't work out the first time, I usually don't go back for seconds. I broke my rule on Saturday and I had a pretty nice time. Not sure where it will go, but I'll keep you posted. ;)

If anyone out there wants to join in on the dating challenge feel free to comment and tell us about your experiences!

Self Discovery With a Root Canal

2008-06-12T05:50:00.000-07:00

I went for my previously blogged about root canal this week. The entire experience has me wondering about fear and my response to it.

I've never really considered myself a fearful person. In fact, most of my friends would tell you I am one of the most fearless people they know. Need someone to speak up during a meeting at work? I'm your girl. Need someone to trek off into the jungle in a foreign county and climb a temple? Sign me up. In my quest to make sure I live life to the fullest, I've turned into a "try anything once" kind of girl.

However, just one bad experience at the dentist and I was completely white knuckled at the thought of having this root canal. I had to talk myself into getting out of the car and going in for my appointment. I thought I was going to pass out. Of course, everything turned out fine and I've had no pain at all, but it's gotten me thinking about what other kind of pain I might be trying to avoid. If it only took one bad experience with one dentist to freak me out about ever going back to another dentist, what have my bad relationship experiences made me afraid of?

In actuality, I have only had one bad relationship experience. My marriage and divorce was not so terrible. I came out of that experience stronger and more confident, knowing exactly what I wanted and didn't want in my next relationship. I trusted my instincts pretty well.

My post divorce relationship (about year after my marriage ended) is what I would consider a bad experience. I left that one not trusting myself or anyone else. I didn't know what was up or what was down. I felt utterly confused and, in a word, crushed. No, make that completely crushed. I still knew what I wanted, but I didn't trust my instincts to recognize it.

So, if one bad dentist visit could make me so fearful of ever going back, did one bad relationship make me afraid of getting into another one? I don't have the answer, but the question is an interesting one.

It's Not What You Think....

2008-06-09T14:53:00.000-07:00

Just because I don't ask you to pay my credit card bill, mortgage or car payment, it does not mean that I don't need you. It means I know how to manage money.

If I don't call you or text you 20 times a day, it does not mean I don't want to talk to you. It means I don't have to be in contact with you constantly to be reassured you care for me.

If I don't show up unannounced at your house five nights a week, it does not mean I don't want to spend time with you. It means I respect that you may have a life outside of me.

If I don't start moving my things into your home and space, it doesn't mean I don't want to be there. It means I respect your space and I'd rather be invited in rather than manipulate my way in.

If I handle my own affairs and business decisions, it doesn't mean I don't value your opinion about them. It means I can make decisions and manage my life.

When I go to the movies or happy hour with my friends, it doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with you. It means I have a life outside of you with friends and family I need to attend to from time to time.

When I'm quiet, it doesn't mean I'm mad at you, I may just be in a quiet mood.

Just because I am independent does not mean I'm a man hater or that I don't want a husband or boyfriend. It means I've learned to stand on my own two feet so I can meet you half way as an equal and a partner.

Just because I want to get married and have a family does not mean I want to trap you, cut off your balls and keep them in my purse (or wear them as a beautiful necklace). Nor will I steal your house, car or most prized possessions. It simply means I would like to spend my life with someone and have a family.

All of these things mean that I have a full abundant life. And having my own life doesn't mean you can't fit into it, in fact, I'd probably like to share it with you.

When To Find A New Dating Ground

2008-06-07T20:14:00.000-07:00

.........when you can go to two different bar/restaurants in one night and run into two different men you have dated.

I'm am so going to have to move out of this damn town.

Do What You Say You're Going To Do!!!

2008-06-05T17:51:00.000-07:00

Is it really that effing hard to call when you say you will? Is it? Is it really so hard to follow through when you say you will do something?

Am I just being unreasonable thinking that if *I* model the "following through" behavior that a boy would catch on and treat me the way I treat him?!?!? Is it really too much to ask?

Am I so old fashioned that my idea of treating someone well is outdated? Someone tell me please, cause I'm really not sure anymore. Do I really have to be a bitch and play hard to get to get a guy to be interested? I'm really not naturally a bitch. I'm a pretty nice girl, but my patience is completely warn thin. I think my inner bitch just might take over for PollyAnna for awhile. PollyAnna needs a vacation.

Dr. Denkin is in the House for a Bit of Expert Advice!!

2008-06-05T05:40:00.001-07:00

Dr. Denkin author of Relationship Magic has graciously offered to write an article to assist those of us who may be a bit on the relationship challenged side. (Of course, I actually have to get past the second date to actually get a relationship, but this is good advice none the less.) Check out her post below:

Developing a Deeper Communication with Each Other (Mirroring)

When couples have been dating for a while and become more comfortable with each other, they often start to share their feelings and opinions on a deeper level. As trust is built, couples feel more comfortable disagreeing with each other.

This is a healthy and much needed phase in developing relationships, but can often cause problems. Couples without adequate relationship tools need to learn how to disagree without turning the conversation into a battle of wills.

Imago Relationship Therapy shows people how to use Mirroring to learn to listen and empathize with their partners while developing a deeper level of communication.

How does mirroring your partner’s feelings, or having your feelings mirrored increase intimacy and improve relationships?

Obviously you enjoy being with your partner and want to continue the relationship. But what if when a certain subject comes up you two have totally opposite points of view? What if no matter how many times you explained your point of view your partner does not want to hear it? You think you love him, but somewhere deep in the back of your mind you wonder, “What happens if he is never interested in what I have to say? Where will this take our relationship down the road?

Would you feel better if he showed you that he understood your point of view, listened to it, but thinks differently about it? If you did the same for your partner, could you benefit by understanding his point of view, rather than just dismissing it?

Which scenario feels better to you, A or B?

A, You tell your partner your opinion about a particular movie, and he tells you that he disagrees. Then he proceeds to tell you why you should think a different way about the movie. How do you feel?

B. You tell your partner your opinion about a particular movie. He disagrees with you, but does not want to invalidate you; so he mirrors what he heard you say: “So you believe that the hero was not interested in the heroine’s feelings in your example, and that made you feel angry towards him? Can you tell me more?”

You then go on to explain why, and even though your partner continues to disagree, he will continue to ask, “Can you tell me more about why you feel that way? Again, you feel like your partner cares about what you said.

Which scenario resonates for you? Why? How did each one make you feel?

When mirroring, keep asking “Is there more?” or “Can you tell me more?” until there is nothing left to share.

This is what Mirroring is really about. You may never agree on a certain subject but knowing your partner understands why you feel the way you do will make all of the difference.

If you were to use mirroring to resolve a conflict, it takes time and is not always easy, but leaves you with a feeling of understanding.

If there is a conflict, listen to your partner’s feelings and when she is done sharing, express that you understand how she feels and ask “Is there more?”

After you had mirrored your partner’s feelings, and continue to ask, “Is there more?” until she is finished, it will be her turn to mirror you. This might take a while, and therefore, you will need to plan at least 60 minutes to talk about this subject.

But after you are both through and have presented your point of view, you would be in the unique position of understanding each other at a deeper level. It is also possible that you might come out of the discussion with a different opinion. But even if you do not, you will be beginning to know each other in a way which ultimately leads to personal intimacy.

Click here for more information on her book!

Bad Date: Traci Hall, Author of Love’s Magic

2008-06-03T05:54:00.000-07:00

Always on the search for a great read, I have another author who sent us a guest post! Check out Traci Hall's bad date story below. Enjoy!

In the search for love, I made a lot of detours. And so far as bad date stories go, this one is a doozie. See – there was this guy that I thought was the absolute coolest of the cool. So when he called and asked me out, I said YES. Never mind the fact that I was definitely not cool. Or that he was a few year older than me, in a band, and he hung out with all the people in the ‘scene’.

He didn’t have a car, so when he came to pick me up in a cab, I thought it was very, very grown up.

We went to dinner at a restaurant instead of a fast food place. Normally our crowd was a 99 cent menu crew. Instead of picking up on any of these RED ALERTS, I ordered dessert, floating on cloud 9.

We made arrangements to meet the next day to go shopping for matching new leather jackets. True studded love, lol.

I was so painfully naïve that I actually had my feelings hurt when he ditched me the next day. This was before the advent of cell phones – and he couldn’t call from where he was--Jail :)

Turns out my Knight In a Shining Checker Cab had been using stolen checks to treat me to a night on the town…

It was a painful lesson that still makes me cringe – agh!

Check out Traci's book here!

Since Inquiring Minds Want To Know......

2008-06-02T08:44:00.000-07:00

Yes, I did go to the beach house with the cute boy last weekend. It's the same cute boy from Valentines Day. (We'll call him Mr. Almost Perfect.) He's a great guy I have a lot of fun hanging out with. Unfortunately, he doesn't really seem to be on the same page as I am with what I want in a relationship. I would still like to get married and have a kid someday and he doesn't seem interested in that. But other than that, we are compatible in every way. And he's very easy on the eyes.

It's situations like this that make me think the Universe is messing with me. I meet this great guy who is just about perfect, but he doesn't want marriage or a family. Gahhhh! Enough with the boys I can't have already. Send me one I can have!

Questions For Potential Suitors

2008-05-29T18:36:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Lisa Ann for most of these......

1) Do you believe the Apollo moon landings were faked? If so, do you frequently get your scientific information from the Fox Network? Are you aware that Commander Riker wasn't *really* a commander? (and that he wasn't even a Riker?)

2) Have you ever committed a hate crime? Have you ever used that hate crime as the basis for an amusing anecdote?

3) Do you believe that 9/11 was a US Government conspiracy?

4) How many ex-wives have you had? Are you sure, or am I going to find out from my boss that there's one you forgot to tell me about?

5) Are you capable of having a first phone call with me, without demanding that I give you the entire 35 year history of my reproductive system? If not, could you at least wait until we've talked for more than 10 minutes?

6) When I tell you, after we've spoken on the phone a few times (but before we've actually met) that my 92 year old Grampa is coming to visit and I will be busy the next evening, will you be able to refrain from calling me for one single evening? Or are you going to call me anyway and plaintively ask what you've done wrong that I want to spend the evening with another man?

7) Are you in a relationship or is there anyone who thinks they are in a relationship with you? (thanks Seeing Single!)

8) Are you a germaphobe and will you insist on using hand sanitizer every time I stand too close to you?

9) Are you going to plan our honeymoon before the end of our first date?

10) Are you going to hit on my friend when I walk to the restroom?

Feel free to add your own in the comments section!!!!

This One's For The Boys

2008-05-28T05:13:00.000-07:00

Okay boys! We got it, we really did. We read all of the books. We read He's Just Not That Into You and Why Men Love Bitches and many other books too numerous to name. We watched the talk shows and listened to the experts. We took these things to heart. We changed our ways and grew. We learned.

We understand chasing you is bad. We know moving into your life, your house, your car, your space without an invitation is bad. We learned when you say something, we should take you at your word, especially when your actions are in accord with your words. We learned actions speak much louder than words. We get it that if you aren't making room for us in your life we are probably not really wanted there. We also learned not to be where we are not wanted.

You said you didn't want a long term relationship. You said you didn't want marriage. We said we DID want those things. We asked for a drawer and space in the bathroom to keep a toothbrush and you responded by commenting on the price of beets at the grocery store. We did the math.

We don't want the same things
+ you're not really inviting us in
______________________
= This relationship is not going anywhere

We asked what you wanted and we listened when you answered. We didn't try to convince you to want what we wanted. We didn't manipulate you by moving our things into your space when you weren't looking. We took you at face value and respected your wishes. We didn't try to change you.

So, why the long face/sour puss/pouting/puzzled look when we move on? Why do you ask what happened and assert that you thought we'd move in together and get married some day? You talked, we listened. You acted, we watched. We have no hard feelings. There is no anger or drama. We got the message and took action.

This post is dedicated to all the women who saw the wall and decided NOT to beat their head against it.

Another Reason Being Single Ain't All That Bad

2008-05-26T19:52:00.000-07:00

When a cute boy calls and wants to invite you to his beach house for the weekend, you can always say YES!!

Too Picky? Not Picky Enough?

2008-05-22T10:20:00.000-07:00

For all of us who have been highly criticized for being picky.....

Shoutin' Out to Lisa Ann

2008-05-19T12:13:00.001-07:00

On our journey north, California Mom and I stopped to have lunch with a Diva blog reader and friend of the California 'Rents, Lisa Ann. After and few minutes of swapping dating stories, I didn't feel so alone in my quest to date every freak on the eastern seaboard. In fact, if there are any freaks I missed, Lisa Ann found them and unfortunately went out with them. Thank God she didn't try to keep them.

I learned a few new questions to ask to weed out potential weirdos and I also learned that Fatz restaurants are not the place to have a first date. Lisa Ann swears she's never had a relationship work out after having a first date at a Fatz. Must be bad dating juju. Also, beware of men who do not tell you their real names. That is never a good thing.

You know, dating may not always be fun, but the the horror stories sure can be!

Dancing in Fountains

2008-05-15T20:26:00.001-07:00

Do you remember that movie Under the Tuscan Sun and the chick that danced in the fountain? Well, while on vacation I channeled the dancing girl, took off my shoes and jumped in a fountain in Charleston. The city actually encourages dancing in the fountains, they just insist that you do so at your own risk because there are no lifeguards on duty. (At least that's what the sign said.) You gotta love a city that wants it's visitors to actually get into the fountains and dance around.
Here are a couple of pics from my wanderings. Enjoy!

Me taking a bit of a rest after walking through Waterfront Park and down to the battery.

Me in the Fountain at Waterfront Park. It was a Free Day and I felt like getting my feet wet. Please disregard the "Siberian ass cheek" white pallor of my skin. I may be from Florida, but I'm Irish and that means a whole lotta white skin.

You Learn Something New Everyday

2008-05-15T19:22:00.000-07:00

Did you know that there is a competition for practically everything these days? I didn't really know it until recently. While traipsing about the south on our road trip, California Mom and I drove up to her home town for it's annual Rose Show. This a competition to see who can grow the prettiest flowers. However, that's not the only competition for this show. They also had a competition for table setting. Not fancy "over the top dinner party" table setting, but every day "put the dishes and silverware on the table" type setting. They even had a competition for setting up serving trays. (I'm serious, I'm not making this up!) Apparently, we take these things pretty seriously in the south. The table setting below wasn't the winner but it was an honorable mention. According to the note, it didn't place because the table cloth was "too busy."

I'm waiting for the "best dater" competition. I've got that one in the bag. Enjoy the pics!

A Lily, I think!

A Rose from the competition.

Honorable mention.

Sinus Infection Purgatory (Okay, It's Hell)

2008-05-12T22:06:00.000-07:00

The day before we left Savannah, I came down with a rockin' sinus infection (happens a lot when I travel). I've been down with it all weekend and today I finally just completely lost my voice. Good. Times. But I promise to be back to my old posting ways soon, with stories/pictures of my trip, meeting new friends ***cyberwaving to Lisa Ann****and of course the boys along the way.

I will be back. (You have to imagine this in the creepy Arnold voice from Terminator, since I actually can't talk right now.)

I Finally Did It.....

2008-05-12T09:18:00.000-07:00

I finally talked California Mom into starting a blog. She has a ton of crazy southerner stories to share with the world. Don't say I didn't warn you that my family is a bit off center! Check out her blog at mistressofmetamucilville.blogspot.com.

Southern Boys Just Might be the Death of Me

2008-05-10T16:56:00.000-07:00

I love southern boys. I can't help it. They are my weakness, kind of like chocolate or ice cream. Southern boys are polite, charming and they know how to treat a lady because many of them learned well from mama (whom they adore).

During our two day stint in beautiful Charleston, SC (also known as my birthplace), California Mom and I encountered many local boys and I was reminded why I am so enthralled with them. As we were walking the city on the night we arrived, we walked past the historic Planter's Inn. California Mom asked the young doorman if he knew of any good seafood restaurants that he would recommend. I figured he would point us to the nearest Long John Silver because he only looked to be about twelve. (Maybe he looked fifteen, but the point is, he was young!) Not only did he know of a great restaurant, but he personally escorted us down the block to the door and left before we could even tip him!

Later as we checked in with the hostess to get a table, we chose to sit at the bar or the community table which had shorter wait times. We hadn't been waiting five minutes before two men who were leaving walked over to us and offered their seats at the bar. When we left, we called our cab and walked outside to wait for it. Three men who'd dined at a table near the bar gave us their cab when it arrived so that we wouldn't have to stand outside and wait.
Every one of these guys was so polite and nice for no other reason than it was a nice thing to do. There was nothing in it for any of them. They were just being gentlemanly. I gotta say, I really like that in a man. It's positively swoon worthy.

Even though I live in the south, there aren't a ton of true southern gentlemen where I live. Because we are the capital city, we have a lot of transplants that came here to go to school or work in government. Native southern boys are few and far between (or married).

Tooling around Charleston for a couple of days almost makes a girl want to move.

The One About the Vibrator

2008-05-03T13:05:00.000-07:00

As California Mom and I were driving through the foothills of North Georgia, we found ourselves conversing about my blog and my awesome cyberpeeps as well as the various other blogs that I try to ready daily. We were discussing Adventure Grrl's blog (100 Days in Bed) and I was telling her about AG's recent visit from her mother and her mother's insistence that they go vibrator shopping together. We laughed about how neither of us could have ever gone vibrator shopping with our moms (our mothers were sisters) and how awkward it would have been if one of them had asked. California Mom wasn't even sure they had vibrators when her mom was young. I told her she was crazy and yes they had vibrators when her mom was young, they just weren't as fancy and didn't have all the bells and whistles that vibrators have today.

As we continued to talk, we came up to an intersection on some winding back road. There were several signs for antique shops and we commented on how those might be fun to visit.

California Mom: What would an antique vibrator have looked like? They wouldn't have had batteries. They would have needed a cord or have been hand cranked.

Me: (Bursting out laughing--I was having visions of hand cranked egg beaters.) Hand cranked?

California Mom: I can't picture one with a cord, in fact, I don't want to picture one with a cord.

At this point, we were laughing so hard, I was having trouble keeping the car on the road. Of course the next day, we had to find an antique egg beater, you know, for a souvenir.

California Dad, if you are reading this, I swear no alcohol was involved!!!

Hell Hath No Fury Like The Tooth Fairy

2008-05-01T18:49:00.000-07:00

The past couple of days have been quite an adventure, let's recap!

California Mom finally made it town and we hit the local Rose Show up in the town where she grew up. (More blogging on that later, complete with pictures!) We had a blast and the best lunch of southern fried goodies ever!

Last night, during my nightly enthusiastic round of flossing, I broke a molar. Yeah, I broke a tooth while flossing! There was no pain or anything, the tooth just broke. This morning, I called my dentist only to find out that she was no longer in business in this town. So, I called my dental plan to get a new dentist. It took a bit of calling dentists, getting an emergency appointment and calling the insurance company back, etc. etc., but I finally got an appointment for today. Let the games begin.

Turns out, I had a cavity inside my tooth and I need a crown. No big deal, I've had a crown put on before so I settled in and waited for the Novocaine to do it's magic. FIVE shots (and a lot of drilling and wincing) later,my tooth was still not completely numb. The dentist couldn't give me any more shots so he just started packing my tooth with Novocaine soaked cotton to try to numb it more. The damn thing NEVER got completely numb. Oh and for the kicker, I gotta have a freakin' root canal. So much for flossing.

Hittin' the Road

2008-04-24T07:52:00.000-07:00

As I type, California Mom is on a train making her way down to Florida for a visit and most importantly for a road trip with me! ;) (Incidentally I think "road trip" is about the sexist grouping of words ever. Followed closely by "free beer") But I digress.

This trip is partially a visit and partially a chance to make some final touches on her book. Once she has spent a week on the coast writing and editing furiously, she and I are hittin' the road up to North Carolina where she and California Dad own some property. On the way back down, we will hit Charleston and Savannah for a couple of ghost tours and carriage rides.

I will continue blogging as we flit about up and down the eastern seaboard. I'll make sure to keep everyone posted on our adventures and my plan to flirt my ass off with random boys. Okay, it will be more like me flirting my "place where my ass would be if I had one" off. But you get the gist.

Also, next week we will have another guest blogger! Our very own frequent commenter, Trish Ryan of Trish's Dishes has agreed to guest blog to celebrate the release of her book "He Loves Me He Loves Me Not", on April 30th.

So, my cyberpeeps, stay tuned It's going to be a fun couple of weeks!

Need vs Want...The Never Ending Dilemma

2008-04-21T12:54:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about drama and why some men tend to find it so appealing when a woman has a ton of drama going on in her life. Most of us know someone that has either been dumped for someone with a lot of drama or has attracted a guy when they had a lot of drama going on. I know I've lived through both. I joked to Colorado Beth once that when I don't have a lot of crap going on in my life I can't pay a man to ask me out, but let me have a little drama crop up and I can't beat the boys off with a stick. For the life of me, I can't seem to figure out why this seems to be true, but here are some of my suppositions.

Could it be that some men just love crazy chicks? I suppose that could be true, but somehow I don't really think that is the case. Most relationships that start with a lot of drama tend to end at some point. I call these "wound licking" relationships. Whenever a couple comes together because one or the other is in pain or has a lot of excitement going on, the relationship tends to end once the drama is no longer the concern.

You can’t really blame it on the guys either. We women are just as bad about pursuing the bad boy or the wounded guy. We want to fix him up and make him better. Is that just what men who are attracted to drama prone women want to? Are they just looking for a fixer upper? Are they just looking to be needed? Is that what we are all looking for…to be needed? It certainly is an interesting question.

When we (men or women) see someone who is wounded or is going through some type of crisis; is it the goodness in us all that makes us want to help? I believe it’s not only the goodness in us that causes this reaction, but also the part of us that wants to be needed, appreciated and accepted by other people. However, if this is the case, at some point, rather than just being needed, we all NEED to be WANTED as well. Being needed implies that there is some sort of obligation on the part of one of the parties to stay in a situation or relationship. Being wanted implies the freedom to leave at will but the choice not to do so. I believe this is where more mature relationship comes into play.

I believe that when we move away from those relationships built on obligation and need and towards those that are built on choice; we have entirely new experiences with relationships. This is when the real work begins. We begin to relate to one another on much deeper and more intimate levels. If all we are ever doing is cleaning up the mess from one crisis after another, we can’t very well get to the deeper levels of relating, there isn’t time and energy to do so. And maybe this is why those more superficial type relationships are really so popular. The unconscious thought being if you need me then you will stay because you have to and I am less likely to feel the hurt of your absence.. However, if you only want me, you could up and leave at anytime because you choose to and I will be alone, which would be painful. Likewise, if the crisis and the drama ends and we do move to deeper levels of relating and intimacy, what if you no longer like what you see?

In my opinion, taking the chance on something deeper is always worth the risk. Yeah, you might not like the skeletons in my closet, but you have your own and if we can be intimate about those things without judging one another, that’s when wounds really get healed. Otherwise, it’s just putting a band aid on a gaping wound.

And He's Back.....

2008-04-19T09:41:00.000-07:00

Bookstore guy came back around this week. The last time I spoke with him I told him that I was not interested in going to lunch with him. He still continued to call occasionally and not leave a message, but I figured eventually he would just go away.

This week he stepped it up a notch by not only calling my direct phone line, but also calling the mainline at my office to have the call put through to me. When that didn't work, he told the administrative assistant that he'd been calling and I was not answering and he really needed to speak to me. She thought he was a customer and put him through. He just wanted to ask me out again. I told him no and not to call anymore, however two days later he called again. This time the administrative assistant recognized his voice and told him I was in a meeting and offered to take a message. He wouldn't give his name or number and avoided her questions by asking if she knew my schedule and when I would be free. She wouldn't tell him and he eventually hung up.

Needless to say, I am a bit wigged out. It just screams "potential stalker" to me. There's just something off about this guy. I think what bothers me most is that it's not just that he's calling me. It's now started to disrupt my work environment. Other people are having to deal with him and that just creates unwanted and unneeded drama in my opinion.

Anyway, I think that this proves that my spidey sense was dead on and there's just something not right. I'm glad I listened to my Little Voice and decided against having lunch with this guy. I can't imagine how persistant he would be if I'd actually met him for lunch.

A Tale of Two Boys

2008-04-15T20:06:00.000-07:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about chemistry and how sometimes, two very similar situations can illicit a very different reaction from the same person.

A few years ago, I met a boy at the airport on my way home from California. We sat next to each other on the plane, but we didn't really talk because I went to sleep. However, when we landed in Atlanta to catch our connection(we were late) the guy followed me through the airport trying to carry on a conversation. Our connecting flight wound up being delayed 2 and a half hours so we sat down and talked for quite a while. The next day, he looked me up at work (he remembered where I said I worked) and asked me out on a date. I was thrilled! We had quite a long relationship that resulted from that chance encounter in an airport.

Skip ahead several years to creepy bookstore guy. Similar situation in that he struck up a conversation with me in a public place (by saying I looked familiar and asking me if I worked for the agency where I am employed) and later looking me up at my job and calling to ask me out. This time I was completely creeped out by the fact that this guy had looked me up.

Which brings me to my question. What made it thrilling when one guy tracked me down and creepy when another guy basically did the same thing? What made me feel excited when one guy asked me personal questions and made my tail tingle when the other guy asked basically the same questions? The only thing I can chalk it up to is chemistry. I felt chemistry with the guy in the airport and I felt nothing for the guy at the bookstore.

But why would I feel chemistry with one and not the other? Airport guy had a relaxed confident vibe, which put me at ease, but creepy bookstore guy seemed really nervous and twitchy and I think my emotions responded in kind. I was nervous when he called me later on. It just didn't feel right. I can't put my finger on why it didn't feel right but it just didn't.

I'm a big advocate of following your spidey sense, and if someone triggers it in a bad way, you should follow it. Even if you second guess it (which I did in this case) you should follow your gut. But at least now I understand why I was second guessing it. Logically, having been in a similar situation where I didn't have the creepy feeling, I couldn't figure out why that response came up with creepy bookstore dude. The only thing I can say is that he was just weird and I FELT it. It ain't exactly logical or scientific but it's real.

By the way, creepy bookstore guy called again this week to ask me out. I'll post more on that later! Stay tuned.......

Things You Will Never Hear a Woman Say

2008-04-11T18:28:00.001-07:00

You will never hear a woman say to a man, "Dude, nice package! Is that real?" However, for some men, it seems perfectly acceptable to say to a woman "Nice rack! Are those real?"

And he wasn't even drunk! Gahh!!!

Things a Single Girl Must Do

2008-04-09T06:01:00.000-07:00

This is a great article about all those things a girl should do before she gets married. I have done a lot of them, but I draw the line at the fuzzy toilet seat cover. Yuk!

Are there any similar things that the boys should do before they get hitched? What do the Cyberpeeps say?

Flashback

2008-04-08T07:07:00.000-07:00

Last night I had the most awesome flashback to the 80's. I went to Target to pick up a couple of things and as I was walking across the parking lot I noticed a young lady coming toward me. She was obviously a teenager or young college student. She was dressed in very tight "skinny" jeans, ankle high boots, and a concert t-shirt (with her target vest over it). Her hair was jet black, layered (remember the straight razor cuts of the 80's) and very very big. Think Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue circa 1988.

I had to stop myself and make sure I hadn't walked through a time warp. This chick was straight outta the halls of my high school twenty years ago. I kept thinking that it had to be some 80's dress up day for target employees, but no one else was wearing anything resembling what this girl had on. I was very tempted to walk up to her, take her by the hand and tell her that in 20 years she might regret the sex and the drugs. She surely would not regret the rock and roll. But, oh my god, you will regret the hair. Believe me.

I guess everything really does come back around. Even hideous hair.

(This post is brought to you courtesy of AquaNet.)

Sexy is.......

2008-04-06T20:05:00.000-07:00

1. Quiet unassuming confidence
2. The perfect amount of cologne
3. When a man knows how to escort a woman by gently placing his hand on the small of her back
4. Chivalry
5. Ambition and passion
6. Men who don't fight losing their hair, but shave their head instead
7. Good kissers
8. A man that is handy and can fix things (even though it would just as easy to pay someone else to do it)
9. Intelligence
10. A man in the kitchen
11. A man holding a baby or playing with kids

Sexual Compatibility

2008-04-03T12:56:00.000-07:00

Can sexual compatibility be developed over time or do you think you either have it or you don't?
What do the cyberpeeps think?

A Kiss Is Still A Kiss ....Or Is It?

2008-03-31T19:28:00.000-07:00

My most recent ghosting experience, and those of a couple of friends of mine, have gotten me thinking about the dating "signs" that we have all come to understand as standard dating practice. A lot of signs seem to no longer mean what I thought they meant. For example, when a guy secures the next date before the end of the date you are on, he's generally interested in seeing you again. However, my most recent experience has taught me that this is not true all of the time. A friend of mine also had a similar experience awhile back and she thought the same thing I did. However, both men ghosted after securing another date. I always thought that when a guy really didn't want to have another date you might get a vague "I'll call you some time" and a hand shake and that would be it. That was kind of the universal "I'm just not that into you" that women have come to recognize. I just got used to that one, now it seems that it's no longer applicable.

I also always thought that once you pass the 3 month mark of dating a person that you didn't really have to worry about him ghosting on you. However, a couple of years ago, that theory flew out the window when a guy I was dating took off after we'd been dating for a little over 3 months. I guess these days a person can take off at any time with no explanation.

Even the good night kiss is now on the table for re-defining. It has always been a good sign that a guy was into you when he went in for a passionate good night kiss. Now it seems that many men these days give a girl a passionate good night kiss and then just never call again. They secure the next date, give you a great kiss and disappear into the wind. I thought he was at least supposed to wait until after you've had sex to take off. WTF?

It has also been a universally good sign that a guy was into you if he shopped you. By that I mean, he started asking the important questions like "Do you ever want to marry, have kids, etc?" If you and your date agreed on all or most of the big life questions, I always thought that was a great sign. Not so much anymore according to a friend of mine who had this conversation with a date, and you guessed it, the guy ghosted.

What I'm really wondering is why things have changed? Did every man in the world read "He's Just Not That Into You" and decide to change his behavior just to keep women guessing? Did the boys club convene an emergency meeting and redefine the behaviors that women look for in a man that is interested in continuing to date her? Are they teaching this is secret classes all over the world and women just don't know about it?

So here is my summary of the new definition of dating signs:

Good night kiss means--nothing

Asking for another date means--nothing

Sex means--nothing (okay, this hasn't really changed)

Words that come out of his mouth mean--nothing

Can I get an updated dictionary, please?! I really don't think I'm working from the most recent copy.

Gettin' Pavloved

2008-03-31T08:25:00.001-07:00

I have noticed a disturbing trend in dating these days. Well, it’s disturbing to me anyway. It’s actually becoming a huge pet peeve of mine. I’ve noticed that men (and women in some cases) are starting to “Pavlov” their dates very early on after meeting them. Many of you will know that Pavlov is in reference to the scientist that experimented with dogs and conditioning their behavior by ringing bells to signal dinner time. I refer to it as “gettin’ Pavloved” when you are dating someone and they seem to be conditioning you, not to perform certain behaviors yourself, but to accept certain behaviors from them.

Recently, I went out on a couple of dates with Mr. Wonderful. However, right from the start it seemed like he began to condition me. And not in a good way. He’d say he would call around 6, but it was really more like 7 before the phone rang. He was about 15 minutes late for our first date. And finally, before the third date (I am the Two Date Diva, remember) he just didn’t call at all when he said he would. Now most people would say (and rightly so) he just wasn’t that into me. I would have to agree. But could it be that he was just conditioning me to accept his irresponsible behavior? How does a girl respond without sounding like a harpie with unreasonable expectations over man she’s only gone out with a couple of times?

Logic would suggest that when a couple is first getting to know each other, they would both be on their best behavior. However, what I am seeing more and more of in my own dating escapades, and those of my friends, is that many men (and some women) have figured out that putting your best foot forward may not always be necessary. Women, especially, have a tendency to overlook certain behaviors (lateness, not calling etc.) when they really like a guy and want things to progress into a relationship. They will make excuses and tell themselves, “That’s just the way he is!” or “He’s really a busy guy!” (Remember Amanda’s rationalization that texting was a new form of communication that she’d have to embrace, when her guy refused to call?) However, what women sometimes don’t realize is that if the behavior starts out bordering on unacceptable when he should be trying to impress you, it probably isn’t going to get any better once he’s got you. That’s the rub. If a guy starts a relationship with you by not following through with his word, not showing up for important events, and forgetting important dates (anniversaries or birthdays) he’s probably not going to change once you have girlfriend or wife status. In addition, his answer to your displeasure with his behavior is likely to be “Well, you knew I was this way when we met and you didn’t have a problem with it! Why are you trying to change me now?” And he would be right. He conditioned you from the beginning and you changed the rules.

The threat of being Pavloved is why it is so important for a woman to be current with her self and know what her deal breakers are and what behaviors she will and will not accept. She also has to be able to express her expectations to the man she is dating. Everyone has to have expectations of how they should be treated in any situation. However, many times women have been “conditioned” to believe that any expectation is unreasonable. Having expectations is not unreasonable, but thinking a man will just know what they are or that he would treat you the way you treat him IS unreasonable. You have to speak up and tell the boy what you want. If you never tell the guy that you expect him to call when he says he will, then he may not get it. Getting mad at him after the 10^th time he doesn’t call isn’t going to help either. In the words of Barney Fife, “You gotta nip it in the bud!” Rather than excusing the behavior, tell the man what you expect of him the first time the issue rears its ugly head, and see if he is amenable to doing things differently. If he’s not, then he’s probably not the guy for you.

As far as Mr. Wonderful goes, I’m not sure if I will hear from him again. However, if I do, I will be sure to make it known that I expect a man to follow through when he says he will do something. I don’t know if I was being conditioned to accept his behavior or not, but one thing is for sure, I started to feel like one of Pavlov’s dogs and I didn't like it. And if I really was being Pavloved, I’ll just have throw Mr. Wonderful back and let him grow. Sorry buddy, but this puppy doesn’t salivate on command.

Law of Attraction for the Obsessive List Maker

2008-03-28T13:55:00.001-07:00

I found this article and I thought it fit with the whole follow your heart theme. It's another take on the law of attraction. Have a happy weekend!

Follow Your Heart

2008-03-26T08:45:00.000-07:00

Following you heart seems like such a simple concept doesn’t it? However, sometimes it really is the most difficult thing in the world to do. It could be listening to that little voice that tells you that you need to move on from a relationship that is no longer serving you. It could be following your instinct to pursue a long held desire. Sometimes, it’s listening to the instinct that tells you to forget about the benefits, retirement or whatever you are clinging to, in a job that you hate, and move on to something that would make your heart sing. I believe listening to those instincts will always land you in a better place than you ever even imagined. I’ve seen it happen. I’ve had it happen. Yet, still, sometimes when opportunities present themselves, we hesitate.

Trish Ryan wrote in her blog this week about her certainty of what she wanted to do when she left college. She knew she wanted to be an attorney. However, she soon realized that she hated living her life around billable hours. If Trish hadn’t listened to that inner voice and just soldiered on, telling herself to stay put because this is what she’d always wanted, she might not have a book about to be published.

Trish heard her inner voice and listened to it. But what happens when that small still voice is drowned out by all of the other noise in our heads? When that voice gets over run by all of the other things we have going on? We can get so wrapped up in the daily minutia of performing the job we hate, that we don’t listen when our inner voice tries to whisper and tell us that we’d be more productive if we put some of that energy into doing something we love. We get so focused on trying to make a relationship work because we have invested time and energy into it; we don’t realize that by letting that relationship go, another better relationship could make its way to us. We don’t take the time to stop and listen.

I have been attempting to listen a little better lately. My Little Voice has never been one to whisper anyway, but these days, I’m giving her a bit more of a free reign to speak up. And I’m taking what she says to heart. In addition to spending time alone with my thoughts in meditation every day, I have begun to take one day a week where I plan nothing. I do nothing all day but follow my instincts. From what I have for lunch to what movie to see at night, I only follow my gut. It’s a lot harder than it sounds, especially for a girl whose trained profession is analyzing thoughts, motivations and behaviors. I tend to want to think everything to death. But, on what I now call my “free days,” I don’t over think. I just follow my heart and see where it leads. I’m hoping that this exercise will lead to every day being a “free day” and a deeper more robust trust of myself concerning everything. Because isn’t that really what it’s all about? Trusting yourself and the Universe to take care of everything so you can live free and happy really seems to be the bigger lesson here.

What Ifs

2008-03-25T07:40:00.000-07:00

What if I really like you , but you don't feel the same?
What if you really like me and I don't feel the same?
What if we click, but don't want the same things in life?
What if you want to be with a girl just like me, but not ME?
What if I misread all the signs?
What If I hand you my heart and you hand it back?

Would you tell me the truth or what you think I want to hear?

Happiness Is........

2008-03-24T10:04:00.000-07:00

1. Comfort food

2. A hot shower after a run

3. Reading a good book on a lazy Saturday afternoon

4. The first sweet slow kiss from a boy that you really like

5. A sleeping cat curled up in your lap

These are a few of my favorites things. What about you guys? What are some of your favorite things?

Kiss Me I'm Single, But A Call Would Be Nice Too

2008-03-20T12:14:00.000-07:00

First off I want to thank Jodi and all you fabulous readers for allowing a new voice to step in for a post. I always enjoy reading this blog and the reader comments. It seems you’ve got a great community, and I’m honored to be here.

I read Jodi’s February 21st post about turning 35 and not feeling anything like 35. I can relate. The big Three-Oh is right around the corner for me. For the most part, most of the time, standing at the doorstep of 30 doesn’t feel anything like I imaged it would at say 22 or 24 or even 28.

There are moments, however, when I do feel my age. Like when the cashier at the grocery store doesn’t bother asking for my ID when I buy a bottle of wine or when I look in the mirror and see a few unruly gray hairs seemingly misplaced atop my head.

Then there’s what happened last week, an event that made me ridiculously, dizzyingly, incomprehensibly grateful to be finally feeling my age.

I met Scott at Matt’s In The Market, which is a delicious little restaurant in Seattle’s Pike Place Market. Several times during lunch we made eye contact from across the room. When I got up to leave after finishing my meal, he stood from his chair, walked toward me and said, “You can’t leave yet. I want to know you.” I melted. Not only was he handsome and stylish with great taste in restaurants, he was also confident and charismatic.

We chatted briefly before I gave him my phone number and said goodbye. I expected he would call soon. Such a bold move surely implied big follow through.

But Scott never called. Instead he sent me a text message a few weeks later that read something along the lines of, “hows it going.” I was disappointed that he had waited so long and that his grand gesture came in the form of a grammatically incorrect, unpunctuated text. But Scott was so handsome. And I was overworked. A little distraction was welcomed.

Via a few short typed messages we arranged to meet that night for dinner at The Pink Door, another fabulous restaurant in The Market. Scott was cuter than I had remembered and dinner was delightful.

Over the course of the next month we saw each other a handful of times, each meeting planned via text message. I must admit that I hated this. Verbal communication is essential for me, I need to hear the voice, to interpret intonations and bat banter. But I went along with it because he obviously did not want to talk. I would write things like, “Call me.” He wouldn’t. When I called him, he sent me straight to voicemail. So why did I keep it up? Well, like I said, he was handsome. Our meetings were always filled with ample flirting and romantic tension. I told myself that this texting thing was the new way, that I couldn’t be stuck in my stodgy ways. If I wanted to date, I had to move with times, go with flow, adapt to new ways of communication. So I sucked it up and developed calluses on the tips of my thumbs.

Then came last week. I had dined with a friend at an amazing new restaurant, and after dinner, I longed to talk to Scott. He and I share a passion for food and I knew he would love the restaurant I had just discovered. But I also knew that no text message—not even one peppered with exclamation points—could do justice to my story. So I dialed his number and when Scott actually answered, I was elated. “He misses me,” I thought. “He actually does like to talk on the phone. Maybe we are a match made in heaven after all.”

But my buzz was killed quickly when promptly after saying hello he announced, “Send me a text. I’m at a party. I can’t hear.”

“You’re where?” I asked.

No response.

“Hello?”

Silence.

I looked at my phone. Sure enough, Scott had hung up. I was shocked. My mouth literally fell open. Seconds later my phone lit up, announcing that I had received a new text message. It was from Scott and read only, “send text.”

And so, I sucked it up, I pulled out my hardened thumbs, I embraced the role of a thoroughly modern woman partaking in new forms communication and I tapped, “While I do find you utterly adorable, I refuse to date a man who communicates solely via text message. Ring me if you want to talk.”

It probably goes without saying, I have not heard from Scott. But I’m not bothered. If it’s true what they say about everybody coming into our lives for a reason, then Scott’s reason was to mirror for me how I have grown since 22, 24 and even 28. I can recall countless dates in my 20s with guys who treated me with little respect. Guys who talked on cell phones through dinner while I spackled butter over another slice of bread, guys who flirted with waitress while I sipped cocktails pretending not to notice, guys who never called while sat patiently painting my toenails. I spent way too much time shifting my ideals, squelching my truth, compromising my heart. When I sent that text message to Scott I felt freed and empowered that I was finally able to stand up for what I needed without getting sheepish, embarrassed, angry, demanding or ridden with guilt. I wouldn’t trade the feeling for an ID check or fewer gray hairs any day.

So here’s to big birthdays and to being big enough to finally say exactly what we need right when we need it!

Amanda Ford is the author of Kiss Me, I’m Single. You can visit her at her website, www.oholive.com

Introducing Amanda Ford Our Newest Guest Blogger!

2008-03-20T06:28:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I have another treat! Amanda Ford, author of "Kiss Me I'm Single" has agreed to guest blog here on the Diary of the Two Date Diva. Since I'm all about sharing the knowledge of a good read, please surf in tomorrow and check her out! Here is a bit more about her:

With wisdom in her youth and poetry in her prose, Amanda Ford is a rare human being and a beautiful writer. She is the author of four books including Kiss Me, I'm Single: An Ode to the Solo Life and the internationally loved, Be True to Yourself: A Daily Guide for Teenage Girls. Her work has appeared in publications such as The Seattle Times, The Chicago Tribune and Real Simple magazine. As the relationship expert for eHow.com, Amanda writes articles and a love advice column in which she works to help her readers deepen all the relationships in their lives using kindness, compassion, understanding and play. Amanda lives in Seattle and when she isn't writing, you can catch her Lindy Hopping, bicycle riding, tea sipping, joke telling and status quo questioning. You can visit her website at www.oholive.com.

Speaking of Soundtracks......

2008-03-19T17:49:00.000-07:00

I've added a cool new feature at the bottom of the page! (I'm sure you heard it if your speakers were cranked all the way up when you opened the page.) Thanks for the suggestion Nila! These are songs that I also have in my personal IPod so that you guys can have a bit of musical entertainment as you read. I feel closer to you guys already! Enjoy!

The Soundtrack of My Life?!?!? (Let's Hope Not!)

2008-03-18T11:39:00.000-07:00

This tag comes from 1218Blog and it goes like this:

1.Put your music player on shuffle.
2.Press forward for each question.
3.Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. NO CHEATING!
4.Bold the questions and with the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.
5.Tag some people.

So... let's play! :)

1. How are you feeling today?
Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid-Hall and Oates- Yeah, been in a bit of a funk at work today, so this fits.

2. Will you get far in your life?
When Doves Cry-Prince --Sounds like I am in for a bit of heartache.

3. How do your friends see you?
Right Through You-- Alanis Morrisette--Apparently I am transparent, which is a pretty good way to live I guess.

4. Will you every marry?
3 AM-- Matchbox 20--Does this mean I'll get married and I'll be lonely every night? Well that just sucks.

5. What is the favorite theme of your best friend?
Thou Swell-Nat King Cole.--I think Margaritaville, best fits her, but she's swell too.

6. What is the story of your life?
Conviction Of The Heart-Kenny Loggins--I would hope that I live for the convictions of my heart.

7. How was it like in high school?
Hope You're Feeling Better-Santana--Life is much better since high school, that much I know for sure.

8.How can you advance in life?
Mountain Hare Krishna-Krishna Das-Spirituality is the key!

9.What is the coolest thing about your friends?
Tequila Loves Me-Kenny Chesney--Tequila(Colorado) Beth-Are you reading girl?

10. What's in store for the weekend?
The Becoming-Nine Inch Nails--Hmm, prophetic or not?

11. What song describes you best?
Cry-Def Leppard--Not really, but I wonder if this is being prophetic too?

12. How about your grandparents?
Eirigh Suas A Stoirin--Máire Brennan-- My Ancestors are Celtic, so it fits I guess.

13. How is your life going?
A Beautiful Friendship--Nat King Cole--I do have quite a few of these, which means I am very blessed.

14. What song will play at your funeral?
Talking To My Angel--Melissa Etheridge--Very appropriate.

15. How does the world see you?
White Riot The Clash--I could definitely see how people could see me as being a riot in more ways than one.

16. Will you have a happy life?
Love On The Rocks-Poison--Come on now, WTF?

17. What do your friends really think about you?
Worlds Apart -Bruce Springsteen--Many of us do live far apart.

18. Are there people that secretly want you?
No No No-Def Leppard--I could not make this shit up!

19. How to make myself happy?
Rumors-Lindsay Lohan--That's how I amuse myself alright, I start rumors about people I don't really know.

20. What should you do with your life?
Factory Girl-The Chieftains--Beats the job I have now.

I'm tagging:

Surfergrrl
PrincessB
Myself

Now I Remember Why I Could Date You!

2008-03-13T11:06:00.000-07:00

So the Flake finally made it to town. He showed up on my doorstep on Friday afternoon wanting to go have sushi, drink a couple of beers and play darts. It wasn’t a date, just friends catching up, so I agreed. We had a blast. He bought dinner and I bought the beer. We threw darts and laughed until our sides hurt.

He took a break to go to the restroom and I found myself wondering what it was (besides his flakiness) that had been so hard about dating him. The flakiness had come later in the game so, it wasn’t just that. What was it that kept me from continuing to see a guy that I had so much fun with? Maybe it was the pint of Guinness I had just consumed, but I couldn’t really remember at that moment.

It hit me Saturday afternoon when he stopped by after his workout. Do you remember that episode of Friends when Monica was dating the guy they called “Fun Bobby”? After taking stock of all of the wine they’d consumed one night, they all figured out just why Bobby was so fun. He was always drinking. When the guy sobered up, his true personality was so depressing it drove Monica to drink. Yeah, you know where this is going. I had dated “Fun Flakey.” Don’t get me wrong Flakey is a great guy, but unless he has a of couple beers in him (or I do) he doesn’t really have a personality. Apparently, Flakey is a two drink minimum.

Now, don’t get me wrong, Flakey is not in any way shape or form an alcoholic. (We’d probably still be dating if he were. Ha!Ha!) It’s just that he is a completely different person when he’s had a of couple drinks versus when he’s totally alcohol free. He seems very reserved when he’s completely sober—no flirting, no touching, kind of moody and quiet. But when he’s had a couple of drinks, he laughs and talks and socializes. Fun Flakey I could date. Sober Flakey made me want to back over him with my car because he was so moody. Now I understand why I was in a constant state of confusion when we tried to date. I was never quite sure what mood he was going to be in because I hadn’t tied the alcohol in with his behavior. Hindsight is a great thing.

Of course dating him again was never in the question, but it’s nice to be able to put that relationship to bed with the realization that there was this fun, flirty, outgoing side to him that was so appealing. However, the moody broody (and flakey) side of him was just a bit more than I could take and it wound up being a deal breaker for me.

Live and learn.

Down With The Funk

2008-03-12T16:55:00.001-07:00

I really wish the title was in reference to some new crazy hip dance move that would make this rhythmically challenged white girl (with no ass) actually look cool while dancing. But no, the Funk I am referring to is the God Awful Disease I came down with on Sunday night. I've been in bed with a really bad cold for two days. But through the Nyquil-tini (a new word!) haze, I have been composing posts in my head. I had to compose them in my head because I was too sick to type.

However, no fear! I am feeling much better and in the next couple of days I will return to my regularly scheduled posting activities. Besides, Baby had an eye opening weekend out on the town (before she caught the Funk).

To be continued........

Dating Myself

2008-03-10T09:08:00.000-07:00

"It's exhausting dating myself!" A close friend of mine declared as she told me about her boyfriend's latest melt down. "I totally get why every guy I ever dated broke up with me. I was having entire relationships in my head (complete with conversations) that my exs were never privy to. Now that I'm dating a guy that does the same thing, it really drives the point home."

"It only takes one." I replied. This conversation was completely intriguing and started the wheels in my head turning. Have I dated myself in the past? The answer was a resounding YES! (At least according to voices in my head.)

Once upon a time, I was a bit more insecure than I am now and I was the girl that would call the boy if he stopped calling and emailing. I would pursue, come on a bit strong and the boy would bolt. The first guy that I had do that to me completely broke me of the habit and I haven't behaved that way since, no matter how much I like the boy.

I have also been the girl that stayed at the party way too long. I have continued a relationship with a man even though I knew I really wasn't in love with him and things needed to end. I didn't want to hurt him, but more than that, I didn't want to have the awkward "I'm not really into you" conversation. Frat Boy cured me of that little issue. Now, if I'm not feeling it, I don't drag the poor boy through hell, I let go.

My friend was right, dating yourself is very exhausting. But, it can also be an eye opening experience. Once you've had your own bag of tricks played on you, it gives you an entirely new perspective. I think my friend will definitely think twice before she stays in her head instead of communicating honestly with her boyfriend. And as for me, I know that I always make sure to check myself and my actions and ask the question of how I would feel if I were on the receiving end of my own behavior.

Ego Boost

2008-03-07T06:53:00.000-08:00

Last night as I was leaving the pharmacy, a man that I'd walked passed and smiled at a few minutes before (I try to smile at everyone I pass as a habit), drove his car up to me as I walked out to my car.

"I just wanted to tell you that you look very beautiful." He said.
"Wow, thank you so much, I appreciate that." I replied, somewhat in shock. He just smiled and drove away. No creepy come on or "hey baby, can I get your number" pick up lines. He just gave me a sincere compliment and drove away. That's how it's done people! I think my ego has been boosted enough to last until next month. (Especially since I just turned 35!)

What Are You Passionate About?

2008-03-06T05:39:00.001-08:00

This is a question that I have been asking myself quite a bit lately. What exactly is it that I feel passionate about right now? I mean, how can I wish for a man that is passionate about things in his life if I don't even know what it is that excites me? I'm a firm believer in the motto that "one should be the type of mate they seek." In that case, I need to get cracking on figuring out this particular riddle.

I know first and foremost I have a passion for travel. Even though I don't get to indulge this one as often as I would like, it is there, reminding me that I need to take some time for me and get a little culture when I can. Any man that I date would have to love to travel or we won't see much of each other. Secondly, I have a passion for books and reading. I believe I have even referred to myself as a book addict in a previous post and that would be pretty accurate. Lately, in addition to reading, I have developed a serious passion for writing. Whether it is blogging here or writing in my journal, just knowing that I get to write each day gets me out of bed. I also have a slight obsession with itunes and music. I have such varied taste in music that I never get bored with it. A great song can take you from a gloomy, grumpy mood to a happy and excited mood in a matter of minutes. Lastly and probably most importantly, I am very passionate about spiritual pursuits and self actualization. Just knowing that every day is an opportunity to learn from my past mistakes and start over is extremely empowering and exciting to me. I know that if I have a terrible day on Monday that Tuesday is a huge mulligan and I can make it anything that I want it be.

So, there you have it; a few things that I have a passion for. What about you all? What are the Cyberpeeps passionate about these days?

A Happy Medium...

2008-03-05T06:13:00.001-08:00

...is really all I want. It doesn't seem all that hard, but somehow it is.

I want the guy that takes a bit of time to get to know me rather than declaring his love for me halfway through our first date (or worse after the first couple of emails, before he's even met me). I also want a guy that wants a relationship with ME. Not his ex-girlfriend or the supermodel he thinks is just around the corner. I want a man that actually wants a relationship and not a friend with benefits. I want a guy that can commit and doesn't break out in hives at the mention of marriage and kids (after 5 years of dating).

Okay Universe, there it is, now do your magic!

Question of the Day

2008-03-04T05:46:00.001-08:00

Bad Kissers: Are they teachable or should you just cut your losses and move on because you can't teach an old dog new tricks?

10 Things I Am In Love/Obsessed With (At The Moment)

2008-03-03T07:03:00.000-08:00

1. My ipod (how the hell did I live without one?)
2. My almost daily 1 hour walk/jog therapy session
3. My cats
4. Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life by Wayne Dyer
5. Meditation
6. My blog (you guys keep me sane)
7. Journaling
8. Taking a vacation
9. Ghirardelli chocolate
10. Rock of Love (Okay I feel the need to defend this one. I don't really like reality TV, but this is like a train wreck that you can't turn away from.)

Okay, your turn!

Exceptions to the Rules

2008-03-01T11:06:00.000-08:00

I think I may have mentioned it in a blog before, but I am surrounded by people that are in what I consider to be "exceptions to the rules" type relationships. People who met and started realtionships with their current spouse/significant other before their first marriage ended and they are still going strong. People who fell in love on their first date, got married a couple of months later and are still married years later. These are all relationships that my head and heart tell me are doomed to fail. I know the odds are staggering that these relationships don't work out, but I am surrounded by them and by people who think that because I am leary of getting involved in those situations that I am being too picky.

That being said, it seems to me that I'm not looking for the perfect guy, but I might be looking for the perfect situation. I don't mean the perfect romantic scenario like running through a field of wild flowers or whatever, but I mean the perfect set up. He's not still married or involved with another woman and I'm not involved with anyone either. Neither of us are 2 days out of a messy breakup. We didn't bond over some recent drama in our lives and our entire relationship is not based on wound licking. I'd rather have more substance than that.

I know that we all have drama and baggage in our lives. I'm not looking for anyone that is free of that. We all have our pasts and things we must contend with. But what I do want is to date someone that is aware of his stuff and how it affects him and has at least dealt with some of it. I want someone who can meet me toe to toe on equal footing where we can really get to know one another and see if we can live with each others baggage and quirks. I don't want to complete anyone, (to quote Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire) I rather he come to me as a whole individual to begin with.

Am I crazy to want to start a relationship this way? Am I nuts to want to start something off on a healthy note rather than having to wade through each other's unchecked emotional baggage and past relationships before we've even gotten to know each other's middle names? I may not be nuts, but I do think I am in the minority these days. People really seem to prefer excitement and drama over healthy and whole (read:boring, to many). Give me a big 'ol helping of boring and healthy any day over incomplete and drama prone. A big side of chemistry would be nice too. ;)

Using Your Strengths

2008-02-26T17:23:00.000-08:00

My friend Colorado Beth has an amazing skill that is a great strength to her in her current job. She can negotiate, stand her ground, and deal with extremely difficult clients and get mortgages closed. Even when she is dealing with the most difficult people willing to pull out of a half a million dollar deal over a $20 doorknob, she can make the deal stick. She learned this skill by sparring with her dad when she was a kid. She takes the position that she can outlast anyone in any argument at anytime. And she gets it done. She has taken something that could have been a negative and turned it into a huge positive in her career. I think that is absolutely amazing.

I also have a skill that I learned from being the child of 2 alcoholics that has been very useful to me in my dating escapades. I learned how to detach like a champ. When you live with people who are hell bent on self destruction, you have to learn to detach from them so that you don't pulled down with the undertow. Sometimes this is a physical detachment where you don't really see them or interact with them very much and sometimes it's just not being around them when they are engaging in the destructive behavior. For example, as a kid, I stayed in my room and read a lot when my mom would drink. (And now I am a book addict. Coincidence? I think not!)

On the surface, detaching can sound like a negative, but really it's not always. You won't find me pining for a guy that ghosted after the second date. If a guy isn't into to me, I chalk it up to fate or whatever and move on. I don't try to convince him I'm the girl of his dreams. I detach. When I end a relationship, I don't try to remain friends with a guy (at least not right away) I give my self some time and distance. Again, I detach.

The flip side of all of this is that I don't attach to men very quickly either. I'm not the girl who falls in love with a guy on the second date. And if a guy behaves that way with me, it tends to creep me out and I probably won't date him again. I'm not hard to warm up to people, but I believe that there is no substitute for time in getting to know someone and know if that person is someone I should have a relationship with.

In spite of the fact that my ability to detach came out of a negative experience, it has definitely served me well in relationships. I have learned to give myself the gift of moving away from situations that are unhealthy for me and moving away from people that aren't going in the same direction that I am. After reading through countless message boards of women in unfulfilling and sometimes abusive relationships, I'm beginning to think that loving yourself enough to detach is lesson that would serve many women well to learn.

Now I Remember Why I Couldn't Date You!!

2008-02-24T17:09:00.000-08:00

Last week I received an email from a boy I tried dating about a year or so ago (yes, another boomerrang). Since he lives out of town, he emails me now and again when he comes here to visit friends so that we can get together for a beer or something. However, every time he emails, I am quickly reminded why we couldn't date. The boy is a flake.

We all have these people in our lives. They say they want to meet you at a restaurant, but they never show or they call you to meet for lunch but they don't call back to confrim a time or place. You can't really rely on them for anything because they usually flake out on you at the last minute. This boy is quite unreliable in his own way. He emails about possibly getting together, but then he either never makes it to town or never calls when he is here. He's done this on a couple of occassions.

And here I sit on Sunday night, after having him email me last week and ask me to call to set something up. I called and left a message, he's never called back. Go figure.

I don't like flakey boys. If you say you're going to do something, do it. If the plan changes, give me a courtesy call. I'm pretty flexible. I'm a go with the flow kind of girl. It's not a big deal. But just flaking out and not calling or anything is inexcusable.

Mistake On My Birth Certificate

2008-02-21T06:04:00.000-08:00

There is a glaring mistake on my birth certificate. My first name is actually spelled wrong. My mom never bothered to change it and neither have I. It’s not really a big deal but I think I found another huge mistake, in the year I was born. There is no damn way I could possibly be 35 years old. But there it is on the calendar, the day I was born (which happens to be today) mocks me.

I always thought 35 would feel old, but I don’t feel old. I feel like I haven’t even gotten started living yet. Sure, I’ve done some traveling and had a lot of fun along the way. I’ve met a few miles stones—got married and divorced, bought a house, got a big responsible job, etc., but I still feel like there is so much left to do on my “to do before I die list.” I haven't even gotten to see the pyramids yet for God's sake! I've got a lot left to do!

35 may not feel old, but it sure does sound old. I remember the days when I could barely even imagine being in my 30’s. It seemed like such a foreign concept to me. I guess I always feared that my experience of being in my 30’s would mirror that of my mother, but thankfully that has not happened. I mean, by the time my mother was 35 she was having her 4^th child (me), divorcing her 3^rd husband and was rockin’ a gnarly alcohol problem. I’d say I’m pretty much ahead of the curve in comparison. I’ve got a lot to be thankful for. I’ve got friends and family that love me, a great job, a great house and tons of cyberpeeps that read my ramblings even when I ramble on about how crazy it is that I don’t feel my age.

Anyway, happy birthday to me and here’s to never having to feel your age!

Is it Just Me?

2008-02-18T13:21:00.000-08:00

Random guy at Borders strikes up a conversation with me about work, books, etc. Two days later he looks me up through the agency directory where I work and calls my office to ask me out for lunch. I agree to have lunch with him this week. I'm not really thrilled with the fact that instead of asking for my number in person, he looked me up online, but I'm willing to give it a shot. Mama needs a date.

I notice that when he calls my office his number is blocked and the caller id can't pick it up, I find that odd because the office where he said he works should show up. My tail is tingling a bit. He calls my cell phone and again his number does not show up. He has since called me two more times, when I was out, but he never leaves a message and there is no number where I can call him back.

I don't know why, but all of the blocked numbers and his not leaving messages bothers me. Is the guy just really too shy to leave a freaking message with a call back number? If so, he's not the guy for me. I like a little assertion in my man. But I just can't shake the feeling that this is just odd. Is it just me? Am I making something out of nothing? My tail tingle tells me something is off, but I can't place it. Maybe the message thing is just a pet peeve of mine and that's why it gets under my skin. Why can't dating be a little more simple? Grrrr.

Big Fat Diva Confession

2008-02-16T16:58:00.000-08:00

As distasteful as I find Valentines Day and all of its obligatory trappings, I have a huge confession to make. I spent V-Day evening with a boy. It wasn't a date. Just a get together to watch movies and hang out. And maybe even kiss a bit.

The whole thing was very impromptu and unplanned. I'd expected to spend the evening in my traditional Satan Day way by watching a horror flick and eating junk food (minus the tequila this time). However, I found myself working late and trying to get my new ipod to synch with my itunes on my computer. I was utterly frustrated and took a minute to check my phone messages only to realize that a cute boy that I spend time with from time to time had called. He wanted to hang out. I've been on a kick to be more social so I accepted his offer.

Getting that phone call started the wheels turning in my mind. Do single men feel the need to be with a woman or have a date on Valentines Day? I know lots of women feel as though they should at least have a date that night even if it's with a guy that they don't really want a relationship with. However, do men feel the same? Do men also feel the V-Day pressure even when they are single? Perhaps a few of our male readers can answer this question because inquiring minds really want to know.

Anyway, my V-Day night was very laid back and nice. We just hung out together and had a great time. And, yes, there was kissing. Lots. Regardless of whether or not the entire day really is a made up Hallmark holiday, any day that ends with me getting to kiss a cute boy is a good one in my book.

So there it is, my big confession. Feel free to give me all the shit you want. I've got my big girl panties on, I can take it.

Cupid is Creepy

2008-02-14T08:23:00.000-08:00

I found this quote on another website and I giggled so much my co-workers thought I'd finally cracked up. It proves I am not the only one who is a little creeped out by Cupid. Satan in a diaper, I tell ya.

I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.

– Anonymous

Giving Up Men For Lent Conclusion

2008-02-14T05:51:00.001-08:00

Continued from Part 3.....

The cat could run much faster than I could, obviously, and she wound up running underneath my neighbor’s house and out of my reach. As I was trying to coax her back out, I suddenly become aware that I was barefoot in my pajamas in the freezing cold and the fireman was staring at me like I had lost my mind.

“Ma’am, is there a fire?” He asked.

“No, sir,” I explained (slurred), “I just forgot to open the fireplace flue.”

“Can I go take a look?” He asked. I nodded my permission and followed him into the house and through the living room. He looked around and checked everything out and then picked up the bottle of tequila that was sitting on the floor by the fireplace.

“Did you use this to start the fire?” He asked in a scolding “Dad” tone of voice.

“Uh, yes, sir, I did. I was trying to get it to catch quicker and uh, well, I poured a little alcohol on the wood to get the fire to catch.” Suddenly, I felt very stupid (and tipsy).

For the next few minutes, I stood very still and tried not to be a smart ass as he lectured me on the dangers of using tequila to start a fire. He also went into a diatribe about overall fire safety and about having an exit plan or something. I wasn’t really listening. I was trying not to hurl on his shiny black boots.

“Is there anything else we can do for you ma’am?” He asked, walking towards the door. I’m pretty sure it was the alcohol talking, and I replied.

“You guys don’t happen to really do cat rescue, do you?”

“No ma’am, we don’t,” he said, rolling his eyes at me. (Hey, I had to ask.)

After all of that, I never even got to burn my left over relationship stuff, which was why I started the fire in the first place. I wound up passing out on the couch instead. I woke up the next morning with a massive hangover and a fuzzy memory of the events of the previous evening but a distinct memory of why I do not drink tequila; it is not my friend. And to top it all off, the damn cat didn’t come home for two whole days.

This incident made me realize that I was very tired of dating. I felt like I needed to just take a break. Lent had just begun and I thought it might be great idea to give up dating for at least forty days and journal about my experiences. Besides, I felt like as far as demons went, men were probably my biggest demon, so it seemed appropriate to give up dating for awhile so I could face it head on. That week, I made sure all of my online profiles were inactive and started my “Giving Up Men for Lent Diary”.

Lesson learned: Other than the obvious do not start a fire with tequila and always open the chimney flue, if a man comes on too strong on the first few dates, that is a huge red flag! (Oh yeah, and the fire department does NOT do cat rescue anymore.)

Giving Up Men for Lent Part 3

2008-02-13T05:47:00.000-08:00

Continued from part 2......

Here is where the story might get a little fuzzy. I do remember having the good sense to lock my cell phone in the trunk of my car at some point during the night. I did not want to wake up with a hang over and a vague memory of drunk dialing someone and making a complete ass of myself. I knew there were no phone numbers stored in my home phone, so I figured I was safe. I also stayed sober long enough to bake up a batch of Colorado Beth’s famous breakup brownies.

Colorado Beth also started a tradition of sending a care package to friends when they went through a break up. (Gotta love that girl!) Whenever she had a friend that got dumped or had a breakup, she would send that friend a jar of brownie ingredients and a recipe in the mail. I’d received a package in the mail after my last break up and I still had the recipe. I thought it was very appropriate and somewhat ironic that I would get to cook “break up brownies” on Satan Day.

The night started out pretty tame. I made a pitcher of strawberry margaritas and ate a couple of brownies. I turned on the movie and curled up to watch Cupid/Satan get his ass kicked by a priest.

The Exorcist has to be the greatest metaphor ever for what a woman goes through when she falls in love and gets dumped. Think about it. Girl meets boy and falls in love, boy dumps girl and she starts acting as though her mind, body and soul have been taken over by another being. She loses sleep starts acting funny can’t keep her food down and even her skin starts to look bad. Her family and friends can’t stand to be around her anymore because she looks and acts down right scary. Priests and experts get called but to no avail. Cupid has a hold of her and it ain’t pretty. Finally, if she’s lucky, she gets to throw the guy out of a window and then she feels much better. But I digress.

By the time Satan (aka Cupid) was finished fighting off the priests, the brownies were gone and I had moved on from margaritas to straight tequila shots. It was going to be a long night.

I started taking stock of my relationship woes. I eventually decided that the only way to purge myself of both of these guys was to burn all reminders of the relationships. All cards, photos, notes and clothing…. everything had to go! I think you can probably guess where this is going. My night turned into a weird Friends episode. You know the one where the girls decided to have a burning ceremony and the fire department gets called.

Well in my case, instead of trying to burn crap in a trash can, (I am smarter than that, even hammered on tequila) I decided to go ahead and just start a fire in the fireplace. It was cold outside anyway. I grabbed one of the fire starter logs and a couple of pieces of wood from the pile in my backyard and proceeded to start the fire. (Side note: Tequila is a great accelerant if you can’t quite get the fire going quick enough.)

Unfortunately, in my somewhat compromised state, I forgot to open the flue on the fireplace. My fire was a roaring success (thank you Silver Patron) but by the time I noticed the room was getting a little smoky, it was way too late. I heard the familiar sound of my fire alarm wailing away from the upstairs hallway.

I opened the sliding glass door downstairs to help pull the smoke out, yanked open the flue and ran up the stairs frantically trying to remember how to turn the smoke detector off. I was waving a broom in front of the detector trying to get it to turn off when I heard my home phone ringing. I ran back downstairs to answer the phone, thinking it was probably one of my neighbors pissed because of the noise. However, it was my security company calling; I had conveniently forgotten that my fire alarm was tied in to my burglar alarm system. If either of them sounds, the company calls you to see if it is a real emergency. Because of all of the noise (and some slurring of words on my part), the woman on the phone couldn’t really hear me as I shouted that there was nothing wrong, just me trying to light the fireplace. After a couple of minutes of shouting back and forth I gave up, hung up on the woman and went back upstairs to try to get the damn smoke alarm to shut up.

I finally got the freaking thing turned off (by smacking it with the broom) just in time to hear the doorbell ringing. I figured this HAD to be one of my neighbors complaining about the noise. However, when I swung open the door, a very large fireman was standing there. The security company wasn’t sure if the fire was real or not so they went ahead and called the fire department. About the time I got the door open, my poor cat, who had been cowering somewhere in the house since the noise started, ran screaming out of the front door right between the fireman’s legs. The guy was so startled; he almost fell backwards down my front steps. At this point, I was a little drunk, exhausted and torn between wanting to run after the cat and apologize to the fireman because I felt so bad he came all the way out to my house for nothing. In my drunken stupor, I chose the cat and took off running after her.

To be continued....

Giving Up Men for Lent Part 2

2008-02-12T05:39:00.001-08:00

Continued from Part 1...

Mr. Blowtorch’s actions gave me a familiar tingle that I couldn’t ignore. By the next day, when I still had not heard from him, I finally called to make sure everything was okay. What ensued from this phone call was a long discussion about how he was freaking out about feeling so close to me in such a short amount of time. Blah. Blah. Blah. He said he just needed a couple of days to think. By this point, my tail wasn’t just tingling, it was on fire, and my Little Voice was screaming. I had been here before. (Insert Frat Boy flashback here.) Thank God we were only two months and not two years in to this relationship or I might have been tempted to do him bodily harm.

In addition to being utterly confused about what he wanted, Mr. Blowtorch also had the shittiest timing for his little revelation. On the very day he had his little meltdown, I got the shock of my life when I accidentally found out that my ex-boyfriend, Frat Boy, was married.

Frat Boy was my five and a half year relationship that ended because he could not pull the trigger, take our relationship to the next level and get married. However, it seemed that less than a year after we broke up, he was able to marry his twenty something secretary. Talk about a punch in the stomach.

I found out about his marriage because my friend Neecy was talking on the phone to Colorado Beth about this new friend she had made in one of her business networking groups. She went on to talk about her new friend’s husband and his profession, how they met and then she said his name. Colorado Beth almost dropped the phone.

“You know that is Jodi’s ex-boyfriend, right?” She said.

“No, how do you know that?” Neecy replied.

“Well, the name, profession and community where you said they live are the same as Frat Boy. It’s pretty obvious.”

After this conversation, Colorado Beth immediately called me and gave me the heads up. Apparently, Neecy was thinking about introducing me to this new friend of hers as a business contact and thinking that her husband might know some single guys. (God help me.) This was strike number 2 in the set up department for Neecy. (She previously tried to set me up with a guy that turned out to be a wannabe pedophile.) Colorado Beth made a great save.

So, in short, I was having a bad day and Mr. Blowtorch did not elevate my mood. To add just a little more insult to injury, all of this was taking place a couple of days before Valentines Day and a week before my 33rd birthday. Oh yeah, my ex was married and my “almost” boyfriend was dumping me right before Valentines Day and I was fucking old. To quote a famous beer commercial, “It don’t get no better than this!”

I have always known that Cupid is just Satan in a diaper. Colorado Beth enlightened me to this fact way back in high school with her utter contempt for V-Day and everything it is supposed to stand for but doesn’t. As she would tell you, nothing good has ever come from Valentines Day (also known as Satan Day). If you happen to be single on Satan Day, you are left to watch all of the coupled up people get flowers at school or at the office and you wind up feeling like a total loser because there are no flowers or candy for you. The point that Satan Day utterly sucked was driven home even more one year when an ex- boyfriend of hers decided to break into her house on Valentines Day and relieve himself (in a sexual sense) on her very expensive comforter. (He would thereafter always be referred to as The Spooger, for obvious reasons.) She hated this holiday and celebrated it each year in her own unique way.

Colorado Beth had a tradition that she introduced to me years ago. Every year on Satan Day, she would run up to Blockbuster and rent a horror flick (I highly recommend My Bloody Valentine or The Exorcist) buy some beer and go home to have an evening all to her self. It was a great way to mark a crappy holiday meant only to exclude those people not part of a couple.

By the time Satan Day actually rolled around that year, Blowtorch was gone for good (I had been officially dumped), Frat Boy was still married and I was in a terrible funk. In keeping with the traditional theme, I rented The Exorcist and headed to the liquor store. On this particular occasion, I didn’t think that beer was going to do it for me. I bought myself a bottle of tequila.

To be continued......

Giving Up Men for Lent Part 1

2008-02-11T05:40:00.000-08:00

Mr. Blowtorch was the quintessential definition of a flame thrower. He came on very strong from the first date we had and professed his affection for me on our second date. What I didn’t know at the time was that if a guy’s feelings burn that bright and strong early on it usually means that they will burn OUT just as quickly.

He was the first guy I ever had actually pursue me so heavily. Most men that I have dated have been the initial pursuers but not like this guy. He was intense and he was good, he could really sell it like he meant it. He was a first of many for me, the first blowtorcher I dated as well as the first single dad. I was a bit skeptical about dating a man with kids, but his absolute surety of his feelings for me (after one week of dating) was enough to make me throw caution to the wind and just go with the flow. After all, I had touched him so deeply; he was already falling in love. (Insert collective eye roll here.)

Okay, intellectually I knew that this guy was probably not in love with me or touched so deeply by me in one week that we would ride off into the sunset together and live happily ever after. But I have to admit, after dating so many guys who either weren’t into me or I wasn’t into them, it was nice to meet someone where the attraction was mutual. Not to mention, I was reveling in the romance and the attention that this guy poured on me from the first date. He was a sweet, openly affectionate, true southern gentlemen in every way, shape and form. He was my “almost” boyfriend.

I loved the good morning calls that I received everyday and going out to nice restaurants and being treated like a lady for a change. I also loved just sitting at home snuggling on the couch or playing a board game with his daughter when she visited.

But alas, as the old saying goes, all good things must come to an end. About two months into our mutual bliss, my tail tingled, when for the first time in eight weeks of dating, I didn’t hear from him for an entire day. I know that not hearing from a guy for an entire day should not set off alarm bells in a woman’s head. Even I have to admit that if any other woman told me about having doubts about a guy because he didn’t call her all day, I would tell her she was being silly and she should thank her lucky stars that she was dating a great guy. However, my tail tingle is NEVER wrong.

At this point, I feel the need to digress a bit and explain about the “tale tingle”. (I started referring to it as that after I saw the movie Over the Hedge. When the turtle character in the movie had a bad feeling, he would say his tail was tingling.)

My tail tingle is that nagging little feeling that something just ain’t right. It’s just that gut feeling you get that warns you to keep your guard up. My tingle always precedes a conversation with my Little Voice. I believe that it was Ilyana Vanzant that described the small inner voice we all have inside as the true voice of God speaking to us. I have never really referred to my inner voice as God, but I believe Ilyana may be on to something. I don’t mean that evil little voice that whispers you should lose ten pounds before you wear that new dress, I’m referring to the little voice that is always there to keep you out of trouble. I’m talking about the one that whispers (or in my case shouts) when something just doesn’t seem to add up. You know, the one Magnum PI was always talking about in his voiceovers.

Again, I will assert that 10 times out of 10, my tingle and my Little Voice are dead on. The only time that I find myself disappointed or in trouble in a relationship is when I ignore my tingle and that Little Voice that so fervently tries to get through all the noise in my head.

Now, I am not suggesting that every time I get a tingle that I next the guy and move on, however, when I do get a twinge, it just reminds me to keep my eyes open, see things as they are (not what I want them to be) and to make sure I am paying attention. It also nudges me to call a guy out when his actions and his words don’t match.

To be continued.........